Self Doubt...

[Keira]

Small distinctions can make the biggest difference in how things are defined...

I didn't always know that I was mentally a girl, I just had a vague feelings and thoughts that I didn't quite fit in with other kids. And so I began to think all guys were just pretending to be tough, all so that they could fit in. Which resulted in me pretending to be someone I was not just to fit in. It took me until I was 16 to realize that I was mentally female.

Is this common in trans* narratives? Or am I just making something out of nothing?

Does every trans person know that they are a boy/girl at a young age?

[Anna++]

Not everybody knows at a young age so don't worry too much about it.  I was closer to 13 when I started realizing I was trans, and even then I convinced myself that it was something I would beat one day.  Don't let this get in your way too much.

[Leo.]

Its different for everyone so I dont think you need to worry. I've known my entire life as young as I can remember that my body was wrong but like you, a lot can just go along with everyone else/try to fit in and not even realise what they're feeling. It can take a long time for some to understand what their feelings mean as opposed to just being 'different'. Heard of some that have been married for many years, even having kids, before realising they were trans. People just experience things differently. Its been nothing but obvious to me my whole life but for others it may not come so easily and they need alot of exploration into who they are before they realise what is right for them. As Anna said many can try to ignore the issue thinking it will just 'go away' and maybe many years later they realise it hasnt and have to do something about it. Knowing who you are and whats best for you is the most important thing. Who knows how many more people are trans but dont even realise it yet or are pretending to be something they're not just to 'fit in' with everyone else

[Lesley_Roberta]

"Does every trans person know that they are a boy/girl at a young age?"

Nope, as handy as hindsight is, I really have not really known 'he' was the fake inside of me for 50 years.

We don't all get to find out early on. I guess it's a mixed blessing. I didn't live with the decades of misery, but, I also missed living the decades as me as well.

For those of us the find out early, my advice is decide early where your next move will take you.

[JenSquid]

I didn't always know that I was mentally a girl, I just had a vague feelings and thoughts that I didn't quite fit in with other kids. And so I began to think all guys were just pretending to be tough, all so that they could fit in. Which resulted in me pretending to be someone I was not just to fit in. It took me until I was 16 to realize that I was mentally female.

Same here. While I knew I didn't fit in fairly early on, I didn't realize my thought patterns were female until about 13 or so. Even then, I didn't think I necessarily was a girl, merely that I wouldn't have been as out of place had I been one. Granted, I refused to play the tough guy role, as I always knew it wasn't me. I think I probably faced far more bullying than I might have otherwise received as a result. Although I managed to persevere, I nevertheless ended up with a lot of emotional scarring from it, which now that I think about it, may have slowed down my realization that I was trans. I'm 28, and it was only six or seven months ago that I put the pieces together.

[Kelly J. P.]

...so I began to think all guys were just pretending to be tough, all so that they could fit in. Which resulted in me pretending to be someone I was not just to fit in...

I used to think the same way, and I think that it was probably a good observation. Lots of guys at a younger age definitely do pretend to be tough - the younger they are, the more of an act it is, I would say. However, this was mostly exclusive to when they're trying to impress other guys, I found. I made friends with guys on a one-on-one basis, so they didn't act tough in front of me - it would have been silly. I enjoyed conversation, and adventure, and I think I really brought out the best in some of the guys at that age. My experience was that most guys were really quite sensitive, cute and/or especially kind, but only once you let them feel safe enough to be that way. I enjoyed being that safe person.

At that age, there isn't much difference between boys and girls at a basic level. They are being taught to be chronic actors, but that can be peeled away. I know I didn't know that I was a girl until I was twelve, because before that age... it didn't really matter. I did want to be a girl as early as seven, though.

On that basis, I don't believe that discovering a sex-gender conflict in one's teenage years is much less valid than someone discovering such a thing in their early childhood. I would imagine that discomfort with one's sex would peak when one could observe the devastating effects of the wrong puberty on themselves, and if one doesn't make observations about sex-gender incongruities before then, then it probably just wasn't a big enough problem to worry about.

[suzifrommd]

As others have said, I never felt like a female, never hated my male organ (though I wished I could have a female one) and never had the urge to crossdress.

For me it was more like an unshakable, intense notion that living as a woman would be a better fit for me.

[Pianoandpage]

I think self doubt is totally natural. I remember having thoughts about transformation around the age of 5 but I didn't express any interest in being feminine till I was 12 and I only really started considering myself to be trans till the last few years.

I think it's a totally individual process. No authorized timeline.

[brainiac]

Sky-Blue, that's also how I felt. I knew I was different somehow in a way I couldn't place for as long as I can remember, and I thought that it was something I had to hide. I didn't start getting feelings of dysphoria until I hit puberty, and then I thought, "Oh, most people must feel sometimes that they wish they'd been born the opposite sex and I'll just get over this..." Haha, nope.  I went through a couple of hyperfeminine stages struggling to fit in. I was in such denial that I didn't realize the good feelings that came along with my friends teasing me for being masculine, roleplaying as male characters, and wearing masculine clothing meant I should probably take some time to think about my gender identity.