Passing before treatment

[Mr.X]

Right, I just wanted to share an experience with you guys and see what you think, and hear if you experienced the same.
I'm pre-treatment. So no hormones or surgery or anything like that.

I just went to uni to go to the student's bar, as I do once a month or so. Around 9-10ish we were all shooed outside because the uni closes. As we all stood outside after being shooed out, two random dudes approach me, going like: "What's your deal? We've seen you a couple of times now, but we kinda were in dubio about you...."
And I know what they are talking about. I look like a boy. But I am really, really short etc...So I kinda respond jokingly about it. "I'm 15, I'm a genius and hope to graduate at 16" (I kind of came up with that at the moment because I had no idea how to react to them). And they were like: "Cool man! We just wanted to know what your deal was!" So they really did not know if I were a boy or girl!

Now, seeing that I am pre hormones and everything, that makes me happy. It's clear to them I am not a girl! But at the same time, it makes me unhappy. It was so incredibly awkward...Especially because all of this happened in front of a friend who did not know I was trans. Also, clearly my size or something else made them doubt.

Do any of you have experiences like this before treatment? And did it also make you happy and sad at the same time?

[Nygeel]

I was seen as male one or two times before hormones but it wasn't something common.

[Jayr]

Being seen as male has always been fairly easy for me.
So yes, lots of awkward moments.

At my mom's work place, I was always confused with my brother.
I wasn't out at her job because she wasn't yet comfortable telling her friends, and I respected that.
So people would talk to me as if I was my bro and than I didn't know whether to agree or disagree.
and it would cause everyone to look confused

Got kicked out of the female bathroom before also,
I wasn't even out as male to myself, keep in mind I accepted I was male at 13.
So imagine this grown lady kicking a 12 year old out of the bathroom.
Good times.

Now she came out to all her friends and co-workers so it's good.

[Robert Scott]

Prior to taking hormones I was mistaken as a male 50% of the time .... if they made a crack about my height I would say "You should see my dad"  I was using the male bathroom a year before I started hormones.

[AdamMLP]

Awkward passing things happen to me all the time as I'm still living under the 'female' label.

The worst had to be when I was at my friends birthday party in a pub and was helping my friend who was feeling really sick get a drink of water in the toilets.  The landlord barges through the door, grabs me by the collar and shouts at me to get out.  I just stared at him, resisted him trying to drag me out and shouted at him that I had every right to be there.  I ended up punching the tampon dispenser in anger, but everyone got kicked out 15 minutes later and I was left trying to organise a place to sleep and how to get us all there.  That's not the only time I've had people look at me funny, or walk out again and check the sign on the door when they see me, I didn't actually believe that it happened to people until someone did it to me.

I booked a service for my moped last year over the phone, only giving my last name.  I get there and he asks if my mother booked it because he'd written down "Mrs" in the book.  I shrugged and said that it might have been, and immediately wished that I'd worn my binder (I was stressed enough about having do ride for almost 2 hours into a busy town I'd never navigated around before to add potentially not being able to breathe properly into the equation).  He kept referring to me as male the whole time, even though I don't look my age at all, and he couldn't think I was younger because I obviously have a license, then came the awkward part where he wanted to write my name on the invoice or something.  I panicked because there was a chance my parents would want to see how much it had cost me and I wouldn't be able to explain away "Alex", so told him my common, simple three letter birthname.  Three attempts later I manage to convince him that it is indeed spelt "X-Y-Z".

Another priceless awkward situation was going through airport security, setting off the metal detector and getting frisked by the bloke standing there.  Or when the femme MAAB (I don't believe that his gender is entirely male but he would never say so) person from my school gets called through as "young lady", followed by me as "young man".  Another school trip involved the tour guide calling me "country boy" the whole time because he caught me taking photographs of the wonky Belgium cows instead of listening to him -- I already know why Ypres is sometimes pronounced "Wipers" fool!

So yes, I've had lots of awkward passing situations and I'm pre-T.

[Leo.]

Im pre everything and pretty much been in this situation my whole life. Its always embarrassing if its around others who know me. I will never 'correct' someone who gets it 'wrong' but Im always worried that someone else will as that has happend plenty of times. Most of my school life I was questioned 'are you a boy or a girl?' and hear people ask it behind my back. Dont even know how to answer it and likely didnt most of the time

I always like when I pass of course but it can be awkward at times. At school in 1st year, one of our first history classes I was called on to read out a section from the book as me and my friend had been sitting talking most of the time. He called out to me as 'Mr' in front of the entire class. I just sat there silent for a minute wondering what would happen, luckily no one 'corrected' him but I was waiting for it, I just read it out as if nothing happened

We had a sub maths teacher for ages as ours had left. Some really weird old guy. He would refer to all the boys as 'son' and called me it several times. Someone of course had to 'correct' him but I just ignored it. Dont know if he even heard her to be honest but I dont really care. Just awkward when around people like that who have to interfere all the time

I dont pass as much as I probably should, probably due to my body, but I sometimes do. Always makes me feel better than hearing the wrong crap used all the time. Cant wait til I never have to hear any of these pronouns again.. Im going to try and change my look a bit in terms of clothing to see if it helps me to pass more often or not in the mean time

[Robert Scott]

My son was always read as male ... long before he started hormones.  In middle school his teacher sat folks girl boy girl boy in rows.  He was placed between two girls.  Long before he identified as male --- he was a bit ornery and went to school a month or so in wearing a dress -- the teacher was so apologetic

[AdamMLP]

My son was always read as male ... long before he started hormones.  In middle school his teacher sat folks girl boy girl boy in rows.  He was placed between two girls.  Long before he identified as male --- he was a bit ornery and went to school a month or so in wearing a dress -- the teacher was so apologetic

This just reminded me of our prom so much.  Spot the awkward trans person bang smack in the middle because they didn't know what to do with them (the one in the hat)

[Arch]

That photo is priceless, Alex.

[Ryan B.]

I'm currently pre-t and I've passed two times that I know of.
Never was actually approached about it like that though.

I've had the awkward experience of passing while leaving the womens' restroom one time.  Nothing happened to me, just got a weird look from some kid.
Wasn't really happy or upset in that experience.  The whole thing took me a bit off guard I guess.

[Devin87]

I pass almost 100% until I start talking.  Once they hear my voice it's maybe 50%, depending on how hard I'm trying to deepen it.

[Jack_M]

I tend to pass fairly often but when presenting as male I look a lot younger than I am.  This was particularly bad when I wore glasses as it seemed to knock another few years off.  Looking young is usually a good thing but it's awkward going to bars because I have a girl's name on my ID and I panic because if I have to show it they'll sometimes immediately say it's not me, but worse still is when they shout out "This obviously isn't you!  It's a girl's ID!" If that happens I usually just say something like "Ah crap!  It's my twin sister's, how did that happen?!" and scarper.

However, I'm 5'8" and live in a part of Canada where there's a lot of short asians so even though I'm not the tallest, I'm definitely not short, so that doesn't really factor in for passing so much, and I think height helps.  Pre T I could potentially see there being more issues if you're shorter.

[Blaine]

I'm pre-everything and I pass about 95% of the time in person, about 33% of the time on the phone. I guess they just assume I'm a guy with a high voice...? I've been kicked out of women's restrooms 3 times now and don't have the nerve to try the men's room yet, so I just wait until I get home or somewhere with very few people around. I had a teacher in middle school drag me out of the girl's room and back to class to "have a talk" with my teacher during class time. She was so embarrassed... It used to be so much fun when we had substitutes. They would all accuse me of trying to trick them and wouldn't take my word for it until I showed them my school ID. This is all hilarious a few years down the line.

My family used to be really vehement about correcting anyone who labeled me as male, and I haven't had that happen in front of them for a while now. I'm interested to see what happens. They still think I don't pass, even though the new neighbors call me "dude" all the time. Anyway, I'm just hoping for enough change in my voice to make it passable. Kinda looking forward to looking like a werewolf, too. At least I won't have to wear the hot, scratchy wolfman shirt that came with my mask. 

[Liminal Stranger]

My friend (she uses female pronouns but is either FTM transsexual or transmasculine, not sure) and I were sitting in class, there was a whole riot on one side of the room and us quietly talking on the other. So of course, she turns to us and goes, "Gentlemen- I mean ladies...." and we give each other the same look of disdain. My friend goes "You had it right the first time" and I reply with "So close, dammit".

Later, we're having one of our usual conversations involving "your mother" and "suck my left testicle", and our cismale friend whom the teacher often mistakes for a girl (his hair is really long) says somewhat loudly, "guys, you can put away the tape measure because this d**k-measuring contest is over."

The teacher adjusted her glasses, narrowed her eyes at the three of us, and said "Gentlemen, please be quiet".
We exchanged fistbumps under the desk. That was especially a win because we sit right up front and the teacher knows us personally, which unfortunately means she thinks she knows our genders. Well...she got it right today 

If I just go about my daily business, I can pass hit or miss. It's harder in school because it's mostly girls there so either you look really masculine or people just automatically think you're female, but the guy who printed a spare ID card for me called me "buddy" even after seeing my obviously girly name on it. I take each "young man" and "sir" as a present, because you never know when the next one will come.

[Darkflame]

I pass most of the time. People usually think I'm pretty young though  It's been like that pretty much since 9th grade when I chopped all my hair off. When I was in school I got really good at going the entire school day without using the bathroom. It seems like school bathrooms are the places where you'll get the most obnoxious reactions 

For me the biggest giveaway is my voice. I don't sound really feminine or anything, but it slips into a higher register the longer I talk. Sucks  So I mostly end up nodding and speaking in single syllables when I'm out 

[Mr.X]

Thanks for replying, guys!
Seems that passing before treatment happens more often, but we all end up looking very young. I think that is why these two fellow students were asking.

I think the entire encounter took me off guard, which is why I had mixed feelings about it. I just did not expect to pass just yet and most students will assume I'm a hardcore lesbian or something. Last year I had two encounters like that, which were awfully akward:

When waiting for a boat to do fieldwork on an island, a class of schoolchildren (I think they were around 12) arrived. A group of girls were whispering and pointing at me, and then the cheeky gits came over, going like "Are you a boy or a girl?!!!!". Again, it took me complegely off guard and I asked them to guess, but they really had no idea. In the end I just gave them an ominous answer, but really, I was shaking afterwards.

When doing my job on that island (catching and bloodsampling birds with a fellow student, a girl), we were sitting on a fence, and a tourist approaches us. He was clearly curious about what we were doing (cycling around with a ladder on your shoulder gets attention) so we explained the whole ordeal. And then out of the blue he asks: "So you are here with your girlfriend?" Both the girl and I went wide eyed, but I loved it! Awkward, yes, but worth it.

I also got Sir'ed a few times on the plane but seeing that I was sitting, and it was darkish, it's easier to mistake me (or actually, finally getting it right) for a guy.

[sneakersjay]

I passed as a kid and used the men's room without question, but after puberty I tried my hardest to be a cute girl.  I ended up looking like a feminine tomboy because I really dislike the butch look for women (before I really knew about lesbians, LOL).  I went overboard trying to be girly and failed.  OH well.

[mangoslayer]

Pre-t I passed pretty well depending on the situation. If I was with girls I was seen as a girl. If i was at some sort of LGBT event like pride or something i passed about half the time, people didnt know if i was a gay dude or a lesbian. Aside from that I passed all the time. Oddly enough, I passed better before I was trying. Even when i tried to look girly people often thought I was MTF or reeeeaaally gay.

[rexyrex]

I guess i pass most of the time when i was young before t, unless i spoke which gives it away, and the only time which is awkward all the time when it come to public loos, every time im in the girls i always get the looks and they tell me im in the wrong loo.  Once my sis told me that i wasnt allowd in the chagning rooms cos they thought i was a boy. Looking back and thinking about it i just wish i was out then.

[Tossu-sama]

I think I passed quite well for a young kid before I started talking when I was pre-T (thank some higher force for voice change). I did have a tad bit lower than average voice but it was still considerably higher and it busted my passing every damn time.
It was actually so bad that I failed to pass even after being introduced with my, back then, male name. Try to keep a somewhat friendly attitude towards a customer whose home you're re-painting after they had just ruined your whole day.