Its been a couple of months since i lasted posted though i have kept up reading the forum and i feel bad that i have not posted supportive comments at times but it has been difficult. If you read my first post on the introductions forum you will know i am a 32 yr old married mtf who was planning to come out to my wife mid feb as trans.
She found some of my clothes late january and confronted me. She knew i used to cross dress and even i wasnt aware i was trans 13 years ago when i purged and our relationship got serious. I think she thought i was just cross dressing and when i burst into floods of tears and confessed i now saw myself as a woman it was very painful for both of us. She loves me but is not gay and could never be in a relationship with a woman. We came within minutes of our marriage ending that day and it has been very hard ever since. I love my wife, our home, our dogs and our life but i hate being a man.
I have purged again and we are open about me being trans as i wont live in denial any longer. I have purged all of my female belongings as goodwill so we can work openly on our marriage. I know some will think the purge is just part of the dysphoria cycle but i now know who i am and can think practically for the first time in years. I know the paths open to me but love and life has given me responsibilites and the openess has helped keep my dysphoria at a manageable level (the odd cry in the mirror and keeping busy in a new job helps).
I am seeing a counsellor but to talk through living and coping with being trans for the sake of my marriage and strangely not to debate wether im trans as i am now happy in my heart and head that i am.
Many of you have been supportive both directly and sometimes just me reading your posts and i will try harder to be more supportive when i can. You are all wonderful and an inspiration and whichever path i take i know there are others who have the same choices to make and who have helped by sharing like i am now.
Thanks for all your love and support. Becky. X
