Medical Transition and Shifting Dysphoria: What to Do?

[DrillQuip]

For those of you who are bigender or genderfluid (or similar), how do you deal with body dysphoria that shifts about? Like one day you feel female and another day you feel male? Sometimes you want one body type and other times you want another. What do you do about that as far as medical transition goes? Do you compromise and go half way with transition, or do you stay as you are physically and just suck it up and ride out the dysphoria until it goes away?

[Shantel]

For those of you who are bigender or genderfluid (or similar), how do you deal with body dysphoria that shifts about? Like one day you feel female and another day you feel male? Sometimes you want one body type and other times you want another. What do you do about that as far as medical transition goes? Do you compromise and go half way with transition, or do you stay as you are physically and just suck it up and ride out the dysphoria until it goes away?

I got rid of the lower two baubles (orchi) and went on HRT and called it a done deal I can be Shan or Shantel depending on my mood.

[Keira]

For me...I don't actually feel male even though my gender identity does shift...I can't really describe what it shifts from. Sort of like "female to x". I guess I just feel "less feminine" sometimes, in the sense that I would prefer to present more androgynous; and other times more fem-andro.

I'm still really wanting hrt, even though I'll get breasts (which I'm pretty sure I won't like or dislike, I would rather be an "a" cup). So I don't like some of the effects of hrt...but I know that it would make me waaay more comfortable with my body.

I know how you feel...there are some hard choices to be made, with various pros and cons...

-Skye

[DanaRSS]

I have this - I have lower body dysphoria that comes and goes, and a lesser amount of dysphoria with my breasts.  When I'm feeling uncomfortable, I pack around the house and it helps a lot.  I also avoid being touched in that area when I'm in a dysphoric phase - if my partner and I are in a sexual situation, we just do other things.

I'm pretty optimistic about technology helping with some of this in the future.  I've been seeing some cool research on prosthetic limbs that convey a sense of touch to the owner.  If I could get a penis version of that, I think I'd be set.  I've actually worked on a very simple version at home...right now it's an Inspector-Gadget-esque contraption made mostly from a hollowed-out "marital aid", bicycle brake wiring, and earplugs.  (Yes, it's very weird, but it's also kind of a fun project.)

There's also a medical device available now that's basically a remote-controlled size-changing breast implant, although it's only used to prepare mastectomy patients' bodies to accept a regular implant.  There's speculation about using the same technology to make permanent size-changing breasts, and if that ever happens, I'm hoping for a version that lets me go from flat to an A at will.

[ativan]

it's an Inspector-Gadget-esque contraption made mostly from a hollowed-out "marital aid", bicycle brake wiring, and earplugs.

My imagination just imploded from overexertion. 
Could be your million dollar idea.
When it comes to the necessity of things, having the skill and imagination to make something is invaluable.
It does make life more fun for me to do just that.
I get a big kick out of people's reactions to things I have come up with as a solution to a problem.

As to the topic, I tend to shift according to my environment.
It's not as voluntary as I'd like, but very low dose HRT, both T blocker and E helps with the unexpected shifts.
It doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
Although I present as male, I am usually in a more feminine mode that tends to be more butch-like.
If that makes sense. I really tend to forget how I look most of the time.
I hate it when something happens to cause a shift into a more male mode.
The dysphoria was high before HRT, now the noise is pretty quiet and I just go about things more smoothly.
It was the T blocker that quieted the rage noise, the E just makes things smooth.
Only way I can describe it.
How we each respond to things is pretty diverse, for each of us.
I find that interesting. It really confirms to me how diverse we are as a group.

What we want, as far as body transformations, is not always ideal.
I still have bouts of doubts when it comes to that.
I don't think of it as having to suck it up, as much as just accepting myself.
A difficult thing for many of us.
I think a closet full of different body styles would be the ideal. 
Ativan

[TerriT]

I don't always feel like I want to be feminine, and sometimes I'm fine with my male side. But I've taken steps to alter my appearance already, which helps. I really need some hormonal balance however and am planning on a low dose HRT experience. I feel like if I can take off more of the edge of my appearance, then I can deal with things easier. I'm already a very feminine looking guy at this point. I just want to be able to be in my fem mode and be more convincing, but I can't see myself living there 100% of the time. So it's got to be a balancing act somehow.

[ativan]

I remember a while back someone made a thread on androgynes/non binaries and whether or not they took hrt, and I believe the majority of voters did medically transition up to a point. Interesting...

I personally have a tough time with the dilema of being non binary and transitioning. I wish I had the courage others seem to have about these things..

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,123868.0.html
This is the thread. Some of you new people may be interested in reading the posts and voting.
Ativan

[Krisbi]

I am in total agreement with Tiffany, I feel that for myself to function I need the male edge to be taken off, myself I am hoping that a combination of Hormones and some facial feminization will give me that day to day feeling I crave, I move from feeling female to androgyne (rather than male) but I crave the female side 70%. x

[Taka]

i've been thinking about things a lot and even more, and talked to a sexologist about it. she agrees with me that a low dose of hrt might be the best place for me to start, because with too jumbled up emotions can at times make it very difficult for me to know what changes i need, and which ones are actually unnecessary. if only we can figure out how to do it right, i'll get a chance to see my own reality from a slightly different perspective, and depending on the results, we'll start figuring out the way to go and what is closest to the real me. the only thing i'm certain about when it comes to medical transition is that i wouldn't mind any of the lasting effects of t, anything else are things i'm more uncertain about, like whether or not to change or cut off my breasts.

[Shantel]

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,123868.0.html
This is the thread. Some of you new people may be interested in reading the posts and voting.
Ativan

Went there and it looks like the polls are closed right now...

[ativan]

I just went there. It had a little remove vote button.
I looked at the numbers, removed my vote, and it came up with the three vote options.
I hit the one I had voted on before and it came back up with the same results.
Could be one of those qlitchey things that happen around here when the system updates?
I don't know, I don't follow that stuff very much. Things just change every once in awhile.
I just noticed yesterday or the day before that the personal link to Facebook accounts is gone.

I wish the spell check was back. I tried Janets suggestion of the Chrome spell checker and mine is turned on.
At least It tells me I wrote something wrong, but I miss the actual spell checker itself.
I can't remember how words are spelled and my use of a keyboard has a habit of sliding my fingers over a key.
Now I just went through the Chrome spell checker thing, and it doesn't seem to help here.
Maybe I'm using it wrong, but I don't see where...
Ahh....tried it again, I wasn't doing it right.  *'Old dog learns new trick'.
Ativan

[Shantel]

I wish the spell check was back. I tried Janets suggestion of the Chrome spell checker and mine is turned on.
At least It tells me I wrote something wrong, but I miss the actual spell checker itself.
I can't remember how words are spelled and my use of a keyboard has a habit of sliding my fingers over a key.
Now I just went through the Chrome spell checker thing, and it doesn't seem to help here.
Maybe I'm using it wrong, but I don't see where...
Ahh....tried it again, I wasn't doing it right.  *'Old dog learns new trick'.
Ativan

I miss spell check too, I have to actually look up words now or risk looking like a moron. I used to be able to spell better when I was younger and we won't even talk about my cursive writing, you now need a Rosetta Stone to decipher my marks.

[ativan]

What is this 'cursive' that you speak of writing with? 

The Chrome browser if simple and easy to use.
I don't need all the bells and whistles, but you can add on what you need with it.
I feel so stupid for not getting the spell checker right away. It underlines the word, just right click and go to the top of the pod down menu. There, just did three of them in less time than it took to write it.
Ativan

[ativan]

i've been thinking about things a lot and even more, and talked to a sexologist about it. she agrees with me that a low dose of hrt might be the best place for me to start, because with too jumbled up emotions can at times make it very difficult for me to know what changes i need, and which ones are actually unnecessary. if only we can figure out how to do it right, i'll get a chance to see my own reality from a slightly different perspective, and depending on the results, we'll start figuring out the way to go and what is closest to the real me. the only thing i'm certain about when it comes to medical transition is that i wouldn't mind any of the lasting effects of t, anything else are things i'm more uncertain about, like whether or not to change or cut off my breasts.

Low dose is a great way to find out. You'll know within a few days to a couple weeks. You should feel T pretty quick from what I've heard. Take your time in getting used to it. Somebody here could tell you better than me. When I took Spiro, a T blocker, it was just a few days. But it takes time for it to work, it's a side effect from it actually. T is the real thing. Having less and less effect now, I think I can imagine what it's like to have a bump up. I still have a higher level than a genetic woman, but the effects are lower and I'm closer to the bottom of the range. I don't miss it, there must be enough left, I suppose. Getting blood work done next week. I haven't had one in 5-6 months now. The E patch should have lowered it some, but theres that YMMV thing.
Ativan.

[Shantel]

What is this 'cursive' that you speak of writing with? 

You know, longhand like we used to use when handwriting letters. My signature has become so illegible I should probably run for president in 2016 if we're still here. 

[Shantel]

i've been thinking about things a lot and even more, and talked to a sexologist about it. she agrees with me that a low dose of hrt might be the best place for me to start, because with too jumbled up emotions can at times make it very difficult for me to know what changes i need, and which ones are actually unnecessary. if only we can figure out how to do it right, i'll get a chance to see my own reality from a slightly different perspective, and depending on the results, we'll start figuring out the way to go and what is closest to the real me. the only thing i'm certain about when it comes to medical transition is that i wouldn't mind any of the lasting effects of t, anything else are things i'm more uncertain about, like whether or not to change or cut off my breasts.

Something to discuss with her is will it actually play into some of those feelings you might not want to stimulate. Low dose T is given to cis women to increase their libido.

[hazelspikes]

I'm more bothered by my breasts, and my lower regions less.  Basically, sports bras and boxer briefs are a life saver for me, so I don't have to see them.  Then, other times, I'm all "Yes! Breasts are fabulous!" but that's not a lot and are only in *cough* certain situations.

[Shantel]

I'm more bothered by my breasts, and my lower regions less.  Basically, sports bras and boxer briefs are a life saver for me, so I don't have to see them.  Then, other times, I'm all "Yes! Breasts are fabulous!" but that's not a lot and are only in *cough* certain situations.

Really breasts are no big deal, best not to get too hurried about any decisions concerning them. Like you say, there is a time and place and it's always nice when you want to be warm and cuddly with someone special. We don't want peer group pressure to make our decisions for us as it's always best if they are well thought out and are our own decisions concerning any body modifications.

[hazelspikes]

It's always best to be reminded to not fall into peer pressure...And, I don't plan on doing any body modification (if any) for a long while, until I know for sure what I want.

[Kia]

 

it's an Inspector-Gadget-esque contraption made mostly from a hollowed-out "marital aid", bicycle brake wiring, and earplugs

awesome Steampunk Penile Prosthesis.

anyway I haven't started any medical treatments yet but do plan to start hrt and maybe, maybe go in for an orchi (cuz those little bastards just get in the way) but whenever I get into a dysphoric ditch I just do something to demasculate my body like a nice bath and candles or simple little cosmetic things. But to really get me through those "Uh, I am a disgusting alien monster " phases I think well it's my body so while for the time being it disgusts me it's okay becuase it's my body and I love me! So I just keep telling myself that I am beautiful and awesome and good in all right ways despite whatever those darn mirrors say.

My best advice imaginal self-creation