Those last few weeks/months

[Mr.X]

Another one of those 'can you relate?' topics, but I'm curious if this is just me...

The past few weeks/months, I have been rather anxious. My therapist told me that we should have our last talk on the 8th of March. But alas, that got postponed until the 26th of April (because he had to go on a holiday!). I was stumped and very frustrated. While I had been looking forward to starting hormones in March, this was pushed far back and won't be until May/June.

Now that I have been given like 2 months of more waiting, things seem to have gone a little downhill. I'm anxiously awaiting and I'm tired of it. It is like a race. The start is fine, but the end is really hard. My body almost seems to want to do a last stand girl wise. I seem to have extra cramps pre shark week (god, I hate to admit this) and even shark week is odd. It makes me wonder if some sort of female problem developed just to teach me a lesson. It's nothing bad, of course. It's just a whiney feeling, so I see no need to see a doctor (I would die out of shame to see him for a woman problem anyway). I think this is all related to stress, and being so close to finally start masculizing, so I'm very afraid a womanly problem will develop right before that so they will tell me 'nooooo, we have to fix this very female problem of yours first'.

It just seems those last few weeks/months are extra hard, and my body is trying to make me feel as bad as possible. Can anyone relate?

[Natkat]

I think its a rather common problem because your mentally think so much about it. waiting can be tiredsome when you have a problem you dont feel like waiting yet you have too.

I think the only thing you can do is to stay positive of that it should work out, and stay motovated.

[spacerace]

Hang in there.

What is going on with your therapist? Pushing something back for months is not cool.  Sorta sounds like you are being given the run around.

Is it a therapist you chose and are paying for out-of-pocket?

[Kyle_S]

Therapists suck. I've been on one's list here since last may. Was told "by the end of the year" that came and went. Then, I was told Feb. Again, came and went. Finally, my doctor's receptionist (thankfully, I managed to find a doc who would do informed consent) called them herself. They told her that I'd be in to see her by the end of AUG. That's 15 months. I don't need her for testosterone anymore, but I WILL need her for surgery.

I get your frustration with the "female problems". I didn't tell my doctor that for 2 months (every single day for 2 months) after I started T, it felt like someone was ripping the left side, and only the left side, of the dreaded organs out- for fear of her wanting me to get the bottom exam and possibly wrecking my T therapy.

Just try to bear through it, if you can. It might remedy itself after you start T. If not, or it gets worse, you may need to get checked, sadly. I know if I have anymore pain like that, I'll cash in my prescription for some Ativan and actually get my doc's assistant to do the exam (that's why I have that prescription in the first place, in case I wanted to do that exam)

Hope everything works out for you

[Mr.X]

What is going on with your therapist? Pushing something back for months is not cool.  Sorta sounds like you are being given the run around.

Is it a therapist you chose and are paying for out-of-pocket?

It wasn't really his choice. I visit one of the two genderteams in my country and they are very, very busy. I can only speak to my therapist once a month, that's how busy they are. So when an appointment gets cancelled, and there's a holiday of the therapist in between, appointments get pushed far back. It's frustrating, but not his fault.

The upside is that my healthcare system pays for it.

Thanks for the replies, though! I feel a little better and I should survive the upcoming two weeks without ripping those dreaded guts out.