Stress/Job Concern

[halfsleep]

After I initially came out as transgender, and discovered that I could actually take action towards "becoming" a man, I was excited. I called up Callen-Lorde to schedule an appointment, started dressing more like myself, and was starting to become at least a smidgen more comfortable in my own skin.

Of course, my family isn't as enthusiastic about it. My brother supports it, but my sister wants me to "stop playing around" and just go back to being a lesbian. I hate that. I always feel like I have to appease others, to make -them- comfortable about it, instead of doing what -I- want.

And now I have to worry about what I should do as far as job interviews, working and transitioning. I just don't know. My sister says to just go in and present myself as a woman so that they won't be discriminatory. And I get it. Not everyone is going to agree with me and my lifestyle, people are going to look at me crazy. But it's like I'm back-peddling; sacrificing myself for other people's comfort.

This ->-bleeped-<- is driving me crazy. I'm not deluded. I know that I have to establish myself financially before I can worry about things such as surgery, but I have been putting just as much effort into finding employment, as I have into researching being a transitional male. I guess I am just impatient right now.

Thoughts? How have others made it through obstacles dealing with transitioning and employment? Or just managing the stress of it all?

[JoanneB]

Due to my circumstances I basically cannot transition to full-time if I wanted to. I have a semi-invalid wife, plenty of expenses, and need the job with its fairly good income just to keep things afloat right now.

My alternative is part-time. Outside of work I live as a female. Fortunately(?) the change in presentation for me is drastic. I have no real fear of discovery. This can be hard to deal with after a few months. I've gone through a few existential "WTF am I doing?" periods over the past two to three years.

To get through those periods I have to constantly remind myself "It's only for now. Things can and DO change". I'm a true believer of that since for a good 30 years I gave up on any consideration of any sort of transition.

[Erin Kay Howell]

Hahaha, I am a security officer (DOE) with and 24 something an hour job I cant find anywhere else thats dominated by

male ideals and comment. I am married to an ex jehova witness and have no firends lol.

Its rough to say the least. Maybe ill get to move on to what I want to do but its going to require a change in jobs and

possible living arrangements.

[Shantel]

This ->-bleeped-<- is driving me crazy. I'm not deluded. I know that I have to establish myself financially before I can worry about things such as surgery, but I have been putting just as much effort into finding employment, as I have into researching being a transitional male. I guess I am just impatient right now.

Thoughts? How have others made it through obstacles dealing with transitioning and employment? Or just managing the stress of it all?

I get you, and no you're probably not deluded unless about 7000 of the rest of us here are also. You're going to have to take a smart approach to this by getting connected with a support group and network them for a competent counselor that can offer you help on a sliding scale that you may be able to afford. This will help you deal with the fire in your gut until you can secure some kind of meaningful employment so that you can afford transition because it costs money. Meanwhile, you may have to take a pragmatic approach, and as your sister says go to interviews as a woman, secure the job and then incrementally start your transition as you see fit. Most people have a smoother transition doing it incrementally rather than just dropping a bomb in everyone's lap all at once, because they throw up brick walls when it's done that way. Since you're not financially independent you will have to play it smart, the way I'm suggesting is a good way to go. Meanwhile you will want to make some connections here on the FtM forum and pick some brains so you don't have to reinvent the wheels they already have a handle on. Good luck!

[Kade1985]

Ya I'd go with what your sister says. As much as you might hate it right now being financially stable is more important than expressing who you are. I mean that's important too, but dropping a load like, "oh by the way I'm transgender" is a lot to take in and they're going to wonder if that might cause them problems, or you problems, or other employees, etc and will likely pick someone else to hire.

Go with what you are physically currently. It sucks, and it's stressing... but better to have a job and grit your teeth than having no income and being stuck in the body you don't want =/

[spring0721]

Halfsleep,

I'm sorry for your dillemma, but I agree, it would be best to just try to get through job interviews acting like you're a girl. Employers tend to not want to hire anyone they feel may have personal 'issues' or that are going through a lot of personal things in their lives. Once you do get a job, you can begin your physical transition...at least you'll have more financial security at that point. I'm wishing luck & hoping this time passes quickly for you.

[Donna Elvira]

Hi,
I recently lost a job as a pretty direct consequence of trying to transition on the job, in spite of having obtained prior agreement that we could give it a go. Happily, I got a new position very quickly but I presented male for the interviews.
Since then, I have come out to my new employer who was initially upset that I hadn't told him before he hired me. In reply, I asked him if I would have been taken for the position if I had.  He got the point and we had a pretty good exchange ending with an agreement to leave it at that for now and already just see how things work out on the job.
The frustrating thing is that I am already very advanced in my transition, with many major physical changes already behind me and  living 100% female in my private life. However, as others have already answered, survival comes first no matter what and there is little point in forcing the issue of transition if it takes you directly into a brick wall.
You'll get there if that's what you want to do, but giving people time to adjust to the idea is absolutely critical to making a success of it.
Warm regards.
Donna

[halfsleep]

Thanks for the responses, all.

I actually went to an interview at Babies 'R Us today and as soon as I walked in, my interviewer asked, "Can, I help you, Sir?" I smiled, didn't correct her, but noticed the realization in her eyes when I started speaking.

All went well, and I did get hired. I didn't state anything about being trans*, I just let them do the process. Hopefully, I can stabilize myself here for a while and start my transition incrementally, as was suggested by others.

[spring0721]

Halfsleep,

Congratulations on the new job! I wish you luck there and with your upcoming changes:)

[Kade1985]

Grats man, that's great. Just keep trucking along I'm sure things will go a little easier for you now

[Jess42]

If you are at least twenty one years old, look into the Trucking industry. Pretty much if you can drive a truck without running over and killing anyone, they could give a crap less who you are. Good truck drivers that can pass a urinalysis, don't have accidents and not too many speeding tickets are rare. Not to mention you get to travel and see the country on a daily basis and are pretty much alone most of the time so you don't have to put up with a lot of BS from people. 98% of the time, you can be who you want to be as long as you can stand yourself.