I NEED HELP

[johngg]

Hi I REALLY need help dealing with the issue of being Trans. I have had feelings in the past that I was different, I.E Long fingernails
for a guy. I am 45 and VERY NEW to this. The way I found out was a real shock that has left me terrified. I do recall several times
having feelings that I was born into the wrong body. I cannot play a mans sport. I am too small. I cannot wear a mans shoe. My feet
are too small. I have a hard time finding clothing that fits right, So I opt for women's jeans and shoes because they fit correctly.
I wear a size 7/12 mens shoe and a women's 8. But I was playing a simple game of catch about a week ago. I sprained my left ankle.
Then  a voice SO audible it scared me. This voice stated that " YOU DO NOT BELONG IN THIS BODY" I freaked and later cried. But I had to
give this a voice and do some research on this. All definitions of being transsexual fit me to a "T" I have talked with a "hotline" a couple
times. I am going to San Fransisco after the 1st of May to see a doctor about this. Can anyone recommend a good therapist in that area?

[Keira]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

Waves*

When did you first discover that you are trans? (Ex. A few days ago, a few weeks, a few months)

Because if you just discovered these feelings you might want to wait before going to a therapist or a doctor. I had to explore my feelings for a few months before I was absolutely sure I wanted to transition/could accept myself. But that's just me, everyone is different. But most people in general explore their feelings for awhile before doing anything.

Is this the first time you've heard a voice? Because if it isn't you may want to see a therapist about that, it doesn't make you "crazy" by hearing voices...it's just that sometimes these voices can hurt you (mentally, emotionally, and physically). I have had strange experiences before, but I can reasonably say that these experiences have not negatively affected my life (stuff similar to hearing voices). So in that way, I place no judgement on what you're going through.

Wearing female clothing doesn't make you transsexual or transgender...it's more about how you feel inside and how you relate to the gendered world as a whole. Some of us have gender dysphoria that affects our mental, physical, emotional, and social health. Gender dysphoria can be a feeling of "wrongness" about your body, or it can be a feeling of not being perceived as you feel inside (people assume your'e a guy, when inside you are female). But, not every trans person had dysphoria; nor does everyone have it to the same degree. Usually gender dysphoria results in periods of depression.

You may want to ask yourself this question (assuming you haven't already), "Would I be happier as a female, being perceived and treated as female in social environments, being perceived/treated as female sexually?".

If discovering this about yourself "shocked" you, you can always stay here on Susan's and talk about it. There are usually plenty of people who have been in the same situation, or can understand what you're going through. This place is a rare jewel, use it to your advantage.

Hugs,

-Skye

[johngg]

Hey Thanks. That was good insight. But as far a the femm. side, I do see the world from "Her" prospective more than "His" .
The way I act is WAY more femm. than masculine. When I was a child I would play with Barbie and not Ken, Even tho my sister thought
I was nut's. I have very long fingernails for a man. I have had since childhood. My Mother would really have a struggle trying to cut
them, As I would fight to the death over that. It was like she took something away from me. I could not have known then what it was
But have been hashing this around in my head. It was my feminine side was getting cut off. I still have long fingernails to this day.
And Mother still hates them. As far as a fist fight goes Iv'e never had one. I think violence is absoulotly obscene. I really hate it.
As far as an argument goes I'll cry really easily. I have spend days crying over this. I mean....Why Me???


PS. This is not the first time I've heard it. At first it was more of a "tap" Over the years it got more pronounced, But I'd consider this
episode to be more violent, as it shook me to my very core

[Madison_dawn]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

Waves*

When did you first discover that you are trans? (Ex. A few days ago, a few weeks, a few months

Wearing female clothing doesn't make you transsexual or transgender...
You may want to ask yourself this question (assuming you haven't already), "Would I be happier as a female, being perceived and treated as female in social environments, being perceived/treated as female sexually?".

Does it matter when the op had the first thought? Why shouldnt the OP see a therapist right away, just because the OP sees a therapist doesnt mean the op has to or will transition, just seeing a therapist a kind ear that can listen more privately can help the individual work out ones dilemmas. Wearing females clothing doesnt make you transexual, thats true but it does pretty much place you on the transgender spectrum which covers drag queen, gender queer, two spirit, crossdresser, possibly intersex((But they may or may not fall under it) and ->-bleeped-<- and transsexual and before you say oh he is just straight i put in gender questioning or gender expiermenting ;)as well. Transgender is anything that crosses the line of notions of one gender to another or anywhere in between.

OP go see a therapist discuss your feelings, hang around here learn and make a decision that is good for you a therapist can help but are not always needed. you are trans just where do you fall..
ps i hear voices all the time its only a problem when i answer them.

[Ltl89]

When you are in San Fran, I would recommend that you see a gender therapist.  There are so many different therapists out there and some aren't very familiar with our issues.  As a result, you may get someone who doesn't understand you.  So, that should be your first step.  If you are ready to open up to more people about this, I would suggest attending a support group for transgender people.  It is very helpful to hear from others and know that you aren't alone in this.  I would imagine San Francisco is going to have some great options, so go out there and explore what suits you.