My biggest insecurity...

[Joswin]

Hello everyone,

Sorry to jump straight into a 'problem' but this have been bothering me for quite a while and I am really not sure who to talk to about it.

It's a little embarrassing but here goes. I have been transitioning for about 2 years now, I started HRT when I was 28 (May 2011).

I was about 57kg in weight then, and I was told that HRT (Estrogen) would affect body fat etc and that id get a more feminine shape slightly and boobs of course.

One area I was concerned about was the fact that I am naturally quite a thin person, and very vascular. You could see veins on my hands and on my feet and front (shin) of my legs. I am not sure if they are varicose, they are not like twisted and stuff, and I asked my GP once and she said not. But just like visible in areas with no fat and they pop up. It was gross to me, and very un-feminine. I remember at the time of starting HRT it was mentioned that fat deposits would help hide those more....

However. Here I am 2 years later and basically, I think they are worse. Problem is I have also lost weight since then (not gained!) and I am down to 50kg now. I am not sure if its a combination of HRT + lower weight that's doing it but its really horrible. I am very conscious of it all the time, I am unable to wear clothes that are more feminine because of it etc.

I am totally dreading Summer because of it, and if I am hot or if my hands are held down or at waist level or lower they pop out.... it basically looks like this at its worst.



It's like the hulk! If im cold everything looks perfectly fine though!! I hate this so much. I even have a couple on my legs (shin area) so cannot wear skirts and such and tops of my feet. Basically all the areas with no fat or anything to cover it (which really damages my confidence so much). I am like a freaky roadmap.

I have only been on Estrogen for this 2 years. I am FINALLY getting a T-Blocker injection that I am starting next week. I am not sure why I lost weight, my GP did blood tests to check for diabetes etc but all came back clear. I have been depressed and such so I wonder if that's it - though I thought my eating habits were the same.

Anyway, I am not really sure what I am asking here. Perhaps just if anyone had any experiences with similar concerns with their body? What they did? What happened? If they were able to correct it? I was told fat deposits would cover that stuff up a little - but then I read estrogen actually makes them worse I def think my hands looked better in 2011 before HRT. My legs certainly did which ironically I once thought were my best feature (life can be a bitch).

Maybe I am just one of the few unlucky ones....

Anyway I appreciate the help/replies if anyone does. Many thanks for reading.

[spring0721]

Joswin,

I'm sorry that this is bothering you so much:( I don't know if this will help much, but my mom has the exact same thing. Her veins in her hands are actually worse than yours are (have gotten worse with age). She has the same problem in her legs....varicose veins there. She does have low circulation though which her physician said contributed to this and she's also quite thin...5'7 102lbs. Anyway, her doctor did say they have a varicose vein surgery which is done under local anesthetic and is an outpatient procedure. Hers became worse the more active she was....and if she was on her feet for long periods. I hope maybe there is a solution out there for you....maybe check in with a doctor to see if this procedure could be right for you. Good luck.

[Seras]

I have pretty big veins in my hands, so does my mum and so does my gran. I wouldn't obsess on it as a "mannish" thing cause really, it isn't.

[Jamie D]

I wonder if it bothers Angelina Jolie?

[XchristineX]

I think Angelina is juiced up on something....

[Nero]

Well, women tend to have thinner, more transparent skin. I wonder if estrogen thins the skin in trans women. Maybe that's the cause.

[Blaine]

One of my cis female friends has this. She used to joke how she had the best veins for IVs that she'd ever seen and everyone else would joke it'd be very near impossible to miss them. I guess it has its uses.

[AusBelle]

I can see the veins in my hands, and shins.  No biggie. They pop up a bit too.  Never really gave it a thought before.  I've been on HRT for almost 20 years.

[Cindy]

I would strongly suggest that you see your doctor. You have lost too much weight and you may make yourself very ill.

[Mohini]

I second the doctor. That's way too much weight loss, and I do not think it's healthy at all! 

[Joswin]

Thanks for the replies!

Oh well if I was Angelina Jolie they wouldn't bother me either .....mostly because id be Angeline Jolie lol.

Anyway I have been to my GP about my weight and she didn't seem concerned. Just did some blood tests to check for diabetes and some gland thing? She weighed me again too and it was the same 50kg so she said that was a good sign its not gone down more. I was supposed to go back about it but I got side tracked by other issues, like sorting out my medication and chasing them around as they kept passing the buck. I had a lot of hassle with getting my prescriptions sorted out you see - which has taken months.

I looked at the methods of getting this stuff sorted but sadly its not cheap its like £2800 to have your hands treated. If I was born a girl, it probably wouldn't affect me quite so much - but being trans its just another tick on a list of flaws. A very large tick, since its visible to me daily.

I appreciate all the replies, thanks.

[AdamMLP]

(If you don't mind a guy chiming in...)

I know others have mentioned this, so it's just sort of repeating what they've said, but my girlfriend has an obsession with hands like yours, every time she sees a woman on TV with hands like that she has to point it out, and she used to have several photos of people's hands on her phone...  bit obsessive, but she finds them really attractive.  I think that learning to love them is all you can do because £2800 is a serious amount of money, and overall your hands look pretty feminine to me.

I'm not on testosterone or anything and I have similar veins.  Not the best photograph but the lighting in my room is terrible.

[Joswin]

Aw thanks Alexander I really appreciate that a lot

[luna]

My veins do that (not on hormones though...) as do my mother's, and her mother's, probably on down the line. My father and sister don't have the issue. Genetics are weird like that, and I don't see it as a bad feature.