Boyfriend told his parents I'm trans...

[Elsa]

::big hug::

It's gonna be ok - sooner or later things would get better.

It might be a good idea to meet his parents perhaps in a public place for dinner? A lot of parents are very protective of their kids and sometimes they can be so protective and controlling that they would do whatever it is they think is right for their child even if they are wrong about what they think is best for their kid.

You would need to remember that while it does hurt and the way they have reacted is wrong - it's not personal.

It would be upto him and you to convince them things are going to be ok. Although it would be completely upto him if he can stand up to his parents. If he does and if you really do love him then you would need to support him. And if he dependant on them - they might play the "throwing the kid out of the house" card which a lot of parents seem to use these days.

::big hug::

[Shantel]

Yeah I care about him so much, but I am 5 years older than him, and while we are both young - he is just starting to think about his life and wherehe wnats to go, what he wants to do...I know who I am and he is just starting to figure it out. Anyway, I do need to see him - but I also understand that he needs time, and I do not want to pressure him right now...just trying to give him space. But I get the feeling that its all too complicated now, so I am very sad about it. I miss him, and I hate that we were getting so close and now he is so far away. Hes such a genuine, sensitive person and he was really slow and careful with me on everything - we had a full and honest dialogue about what we were feeling as things unfolded between us, and it just seems baffling to me that now its so different. He would tell me things like how happy he was to have found me, and stuff like that...now its like I don't know if I can call him or not because he might not answer...very different and totally upsetting!

Going back to how he told his mother, I had to become really young in my mind once again and remember how I felt when I fell in love with a pretty girl long ago (now my wife) and it occurred to me how natural it would be to share everything about her with my mom who I love and have trusted since I was born. I would be so excited and want her to know how thrilled I was with my girlfriend and if she was a little different or had some sort of abnormality it probably would not occur to me to conceal it from her unless I was embarrassed about that aspect. If my mom and dad had reacted that way about her I would feel personally threatened by their reaction and feel a sense of personal angst that they were like that when I had thought otherwise. I would feel a need to cool my jets for awhile and wait for them to get over it before resuming my affair with this beautiful creature.

Princess, I hope that you will consider this as the probable way things have unfolded for him and take each day in stride because he will resurface once again, it's bound to happen. More than likely he's having to be a little more circumspect when it comes to sharing with his parents. Eventually he'll be on his own and not dependent on their approval, and if he's for real, which I suspect he is albeit a bit naive when it comes to parents, he will be your guy.

[yasuko14]

I had this similar problem with a previous boyfriend, his mom found out and hated my guts till the very end so I can understand your pain.
My current boyfriend has not told his parents and probably never will.. I talked to him about it in the beginning that if we were to date I wouldn't want his parents to know.. It's not lying but it's something personal that shouldn't really have to be told.

In conclusion my advice is to try work it out and see each other on the side, sit down with his parents and have a talk (mother first), or call it quits and make sure to lay down the law and make it clear with your next potential lover. Personally Id go with see him on the side until he is less dependent on his parents and can do as he wishes without their opinion holding much weight.

[Jess42]

This might not be what you want to hear but here it goes. Your boyfriend is an adult. He lives with his family right now, not that it matters much but your BF is an adult. Adulthood meaning that he is free to make his own decisions from what job or career field to go into, what he wants to eat for dinner, even if it is a gallon of icecream and free to decide who he wants to love.

I know it hurts but if I were you girl, I would run from him so fast that I would be testing Einstiens's theories about the speed of light and time slowing down. The reason being is that if they are controlling this aspect of his life and he is allowing it to happen, then what does the future hold for the two of you and who will he choose sides with when something comes down the road later. I know this from experience.

I would give him an ultimatum and tell him to reach between his legs and grab his balls (old military saying) and decide for himself if he wants to be with you in a relationship and living his own life. Or controlled by "mommy and daddy" for the rest of his life. He can make his own way and get out from under their roof, even if he has to work two mediocre jobs. Of course you can allow him a certain amount of time to decide, but, in my opinion, it's not really fair to you to sit and wait, hoping that he picks you over the parents. Personally, I wouldn't even put myself through that becasue it's emotionally draining.

There are more guys out there that will not see the trans prefix. In your avatar you are attractive trans or not and there are many and getting to be more and more open-minded people that will find you attractive and blind to the prefix. Don't waste you life waiting on something that may never come to pass. If you like the guy wait for him to decide what he wants but keep looking just in case that doesn't come to fruitition. Really, who knows what is down the pike for you and when you least expect it, that is when you will meet that special someone perfect for you.

Either way it goes, good luck I wish the best for you no matter what the outcome.

[Shantel]

This might not be what you want to hear but here it goes. Your boyfriend is an adult. He lives with his family right now, not that it matters much but your BF is an adult. Adulthood meaning that he is free to make his own decisions from what job or career field to go into, what he wants to eat for dinner, even if it is a gallon of icecream and free to decide who he wants to love.

You have a point there Jess, but I hope she cuts him some slack before dumping him completely. There are a lot of adults stuck with living back with mom and pop these days because of this crappy economy. I'm a romantic optimist about this, I'd like to see this story end with the Princess getting her Prince as it should be.

[Jess42]

You have a point there Jess, but I hope she cuts him some slack before dumping him completely. There are a lot of adults stuck with living back with mom and pop these days because of this crappy economy. I'm a romantic optimist about this, I'd like to see this story end with the Princess getting her Prince as it should be.

Yeah Shantel, unfortunately the economy is a kick in the butt. I have no problem with adult children leaning on their parents but I do have a problem with the parents controlling those adult children when all they really need is a roof over their heads or helping hand. After all the child phase has done come and gone and I don't buy the whole, "You live under my roof, you will follow my rules." after the age of 17.

This is my whole deal in a nutshell; If I had to move back in with my parents and I cared for someone, trans or not, but the parents didn't agree with it, tough. Wal Mart sells tents and other camping equipment quite cheap and I would have no problem at all living among nature.

I too am a romantic optimist but more on the dark side like Romeo and Juliette.

[kyh]

I'm really sorry to hear about all of that Diana

But this is just a short while in comparison to how much time you'll have to be with him later on, if you can be patient and forgiving with him.