Well, I find a lot of support in two of my friends, Keaira and Charlie. I like knowing I will see Keaira every night, somehow it's comforting to know that there's someone who's just going to be there, even if we're just having a good time. And we get along well. I don't see my friend Charlie as often, but she gives really good advice and is a great support system, and we have both always been able to count on each other.
But I think, above all else, I have a very strong internal compass that I picked up one day, and I lean on that above all else. It's one simple thought: I was wrong. In what I in many ways consider to be a prior life, I was miserable. I honestly half-expected to fall asleep most nights and never wake up, because I couldn't see a life ahead of me. I did everything everyone told me to. I was told to work at a big grocery chain, because it was more "stable", but the job went against my personal values in a number of ways. I was told to major in science at uni, because no other field would get me a job. I didn't make friends with the "wrong" people, who, at my age, were most people, lol. And of course, I tried to live as a woman - and date guys, too. Because that's what you "should" do. Any other path would make me miserable, and I was convinced of that. But I was wrong.
Well, one day, I quit my job at the grocery store and began working at a place that was more environmentally and socially conscious, and treated its workers better despite not having a union. I made friends with all sorts of "alternative" types that my family would frown upon, and for once, I fit in and had people who had some real substance. I switched from a science degree to women's studies, and am now doing a master's in a similar field. I started dating a woman I loved, and admitted to myself that I was trans - but did all my research before coming out and making the decision to pursue hormones and surgeries. And suddenly, I had reasons to wake up in the morning. Life was exciting and meaningful. I wanted to be everywhere I went. I didn't just show up, I was there, I was engaged. I never knew such a thing could exist for me...so when things feel impossible, when I have to be patient, when i can't see the way out, I remember that I couldn't see the way out before, either. And if I had died, as I often wished, I'd never have known what was in store.
