Transition, Treatment, Timeframes and Other Questions

[delyth ann]

Hi girls,

I have found a therapist who I think I feel comfortable enough to open up to about the feelings I have about feeling female inside and my desire for my body to match my mind.

Can someone tell me what will happen once I open up to my therapist? How long can I expect before being prescribed hormones, starting transition?
How do I transition? I dont know where to start.
What are the social and physical steps I need to take? What kind of timeframes can I expect once I start.

What has been other peoples experience of transition, from raising your gender issues with your therapist to actually starting hormones, transition and surgeries.

How did your families, friends and colleagues react when you came out as transsexual and started your transition?

I am feeling scared and a bit lonely at the moment. Until I made my first posting a few days ago I had never brought up my gender identity issues with anyone. I've never ever knowingly met another Trans girl.

All I know is I've tried so hard to act the male role. I tried to play rugby with boys, I spent time in the Army Reserves, tried do all the things males do and be one of the lads. However my feelings that I am a girl have never gone away. I am feeling that if I don't do something about how I am feeling, it's ultimately going to destroy me.

[Jamie D]

Many of us did things in our lives to "prove" to ourselves that we were something other than how we felt inside.  A form of compensating.

You seem to have longstanding issues with your gender.  How your therapy goes, and what sort of rapport you develop with your therapist, will go a long way to answering the other questions.  We have several other boards that deal with specific issues, like coming out, HRT, SRS, and other issues.  Make use of them.

[Joanna Dark]

How did your families, friends and colleagues react when you came out as transsexual and started your transition?

Not everyone comes out and THEN transitions. Many people start transitioning and then tell people or let them figure it out on their own. I let my family figure it out. It didn't take long. As far as reaction, meh. My brother and sister-in-law are cool. My dad has been treating me nicer. My mom...hmm. She is up and down. Sometimes she's okay. Other times she is not. However, she did tell me Purple heart is coming and to put my stuff in trash bags and give it to them. So, I guess she is realizing this is fo realz.

I'm a freelance writer so I don't have collegues. BTW, if you live in a city, you can go to an informed consent clinic and pretty much get hormones instantly. No therapy. No nothing. Well, there is therapy but not some three month wait period to prove your trans. They treat you like an adult. It's nice. I basically told em i have questioned every decison I have ever made but I have neer been more sure then now. Gimme some hormones, biotch lol true story!

[Cindy]

Hi,

Therapy, hormones etc vary heaps from place to place. Where I am therapy is ongoing and in the background to make sure we are OK with handling our new lives. Of course some of us are very comfy very quickly and don't require any more help - I'm one of them- but some people have other problems or need to deal with acceptance and life issues etc,. So there really isn't a simple answer.

I went FT at work etc by saying 'Oh BTW I'm a trans woman and will be living as my female self in future' I was on HT by then, and I had been dressing in a feminine manner. I also had my hair styled etc at the same time.

I had no problems at all.

Family were the same. When I originally came out many years ago as a teen, I didn't know anything about trans* issues and my parents did not have a clue so there was zero acceptance. But that was before Gay was a noun.

Now a days, at least in Australia there doesn't seem to be any great social issue about public acceptance.

Many trans woman tried to be 'very male' and that isn't surprising at all.

In my experience men tend to be less understanding than woman in acceptance, but again that is a generalisation.

So I think you need to get some help to talk through the issues and concerns relevant to you and then when you are comfy with yourself and accepting of yourself then it may be time to move forward. This is no race, and everyone is different.

Hugs

Cindy

[suzifrommd]

Can someone tell me what will happen once I open up to my therapist?

Your therapist helps you decide what's right for you. Helps you work out your feelings, helps you figure out what's self deception and what's clear thinking.

How long can I expect before being prescribed hormones, starting transition?

I highly recommend you read the WPATH standards of care  (http://www.wpath.org/documents/Standards%20of%20Care%20V7%20-%202011%20WPATH.pdf). It describes the recommendations by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health on how to treat transgender patients. You may need to educate your therapist if they are not up on the latest revisions.

The timing of hormones is heavily dependent on each individual patients. The standards of care make it clear (bottom of page 25) that the decisions of when and whether to take hormones are the patient's decisions and not the caregiver's.

How do I transition? I dont know where to start.

I started by assembling a female outfit and going out wearing it. I first wore it to a safe place (my transgender support group) and when that was comfortable, I wore it out in public. I also reached out to transgender women in my community.

As I gradually became comfortable with my female persona, I developed a timetable for when I could realistically go full time.

This is my experience. Yours will be different.

What has been other peoples experience of transition, from raising your gender issues with your therapist to actually starting hormones, transition and surgeries.

How did your families, friends and colleagues react when you came out as transsexual and started your transition?

The hardest part was finding a decent therapist. The first therapist was a pretender - she claimed to be a gender therapist, but I knew more than she did. The second therapist required me to submit to a hospital psych evaluation that was disrespectful of transgender patients almost to the point of being abusive. Finally I got my insurance changed so they would cover a much better therapist.

So far, a lot of people have been supportive, though my wife has asked for a divorce. I live in an area with decent anti-discrimination laws, so that's helpful.

All I know is I've tried so hard to act the male role. I tried to play rugby with boys, I spent time in the Army Reserves, tried do all the things males do and be one of the lads. However my feelings that I am a girl have never gone away. I am feeling that if I don't do something about how I am feeling, it's ultimately going to destroy me.

That describes so many transgender women. You are not alone, Delyth. Please keep posting.

[Tristan]

Wow this is really hard to say. I mean some people moved along with there transition at a faster pace than others . Um sometime within the first month to four months I would think you would start hormones. Then fFS and BA whenever you want cuz I know they will write you a letter. And srs they say the norm is after month 12

[Theo]

Timelines will vary. The most important thing is really to take it at your own pace. This is one time in your life where you should be 100% egoistic. This is something that you are doing for you, and only you. No interfering, no rushing. Do everything in such a way that you feel comfortable.

From my own experience, I worked with my therapist for almost 7 months (admittedly with long gaps between sessions due to her schedule and mine) before starting electrolysis, and another 4 months before starting HRT (month 3 now). Nice and slow really, despite the fact that I really wanted to rush it initially, but if I'm not going to let anyone else pressure me, then I sure as hell won't let me pressure myself either.

I was lucky enough to be friends with an FTM, so was able to come out to at least one person rather early on. My mother and I had "the talk" after about 3-4 months of therapy, and she is very supportive, as expected, otherwise I would have delayed that a bit further. Friends are gradually going to be told over the next few months.

Workplace is something you should start informing yourself as soon as possible. For instance I have to give our management a heads-up 3 months before social transition (i.e. full-time at work), which means I have to judge at what point I want to take that step quite a bit in advance. Also the policies in terms of job protection and discrimination are items you will want to look into, both in for your employer and workers' laws in your country.

Everyone is different, and there are people who would want to go full-time as soon as possible; but there are also ones like me who would prefer being misgendered while still presenting as male rather than the other way round. Go with what feels right to you. Doubts, worries, and confusion are normal, and a lot of it will start sorting itself out over time. One last piece of advice: even after you start HRT you may find that, often after about 6-8 weeks, it is maybe not the right thing for you after all. Again, listen to yourself only here. That is actually one of the reasons why I have been putting off telling some of my friends about it, as I did not want to create any weird pressure for myself to continue if I don't feel like it. The aforementioned "be 100% egoistic" strikes again. 

Oh, and put off worrying about stuff like SRS for now. Generally you should be on hormones for at least 12 months before getting SRS or FFS, so plenty of time to start sweating the details when you're closer to the date.