I can't deal with the stress...

[Keira]

I'm waiting for my doctor to decide what to do...he probably will try to refer me to a specialist just so that I can get hrt...since I basically live in the middle of nowhere-town. Which will cost me $500, so that I can basically tell them what I already know...I hate the medical system and the way it treats trans people...

I'm trying to do my best at my job, but the stress of waiting to see my doctor is eating away at whatever is left of me. I'm getting more and more physically weak everyday just from the stress.

My jealousy/dysphoria is making me freak out constantly...every time I look at a pretty girl I have an internal breakdown...

And so now I've started smoking again, I'll eventually end up quitting cold turkey again. I only smoke a cig a day so it's not difficult at all to quit (and I've quit two times before).

Two weeks until I finally am able to leave my job...ughhh

It seems like everyone is against me (except for a few people), I just want to get on with my life after I transition...but I'll have to probably fight just to get hrt,..

[Erin Kay Howell]

Time for me to stop reading forums posts like this.

Like looking in a mirror.

[XchristineX]

You could always talk to a bc girl that knows the system....

[Ltl89]

Hey Skye,

Don't let it get you down.  I remember you saying you are from Canada, is that correct?  I am not too sure about the system there, but I imagine there must be some informed consent clinic available.  While it might be a bit of a travel, it is worth it if it gets you started on hrt.  If that isn't an option, at least take comfort that you have the ability to get on hormones through a specialist.  Yeah it sucks that it is more difficult than it should be and that doctors exploit us, but at least we have the ability to transition.  Years ago things were even more difficult.

I can relate with the stress and dysphoria.  I too get incredibly jealous of other women and feel sad with my own situation.  But, things can and will get better.  We just have to have faith in ourselves and work really hard to achieve our goals.  I am in the same boat as you in terms of beginning everything so I know how frustrating it is to not see the results.  However, you need to just believe in yourself and keep working hard.

And not to sound like an annoying sister, but quit that smoking

[Misato]

Hey Skye,

You've got a lot going on right now indeed.  All that's a lot for anyone to take.

At least if the doc sends you to that specialist, well, at least you won't have to fight for the HRT (at least so hard) but you will have to pay which, unfortunately, still goes with this turf.

You're coming up on the "Third times the Charm" for quitting smoking, eh?  I'm going echo learningtolive here only put it as, I hope you're able to kick that nasty habit.  For one I wouldn't want it to interfere with you getting your HRT and for twosies, you're getting closer to being set free into your real life.  I think it would be a shame if you didn't get to enjoy as much as possible.

I don't know what's going on with the job but I to get when the job is going south how stressful that can be.  At least, with two weeks left, you have a date when things will take an upswing!

Hang in there.

[XchristineX]

I'm from the same area as Skye is...

And yea basically all doctors are informed consent...
I know that for a fact...

You need to know what to say...I tell them I have gender identity disorder
Gimme hormones...I know exactly what they do...
And make me a referal to this certain psychiatrist..
Which I have both psychiatrist and psychologist in same areA

There you go written it out..girl up and see the psychs

Always ask older sisters in your area

Oh yea psychiatrist is covered by care card with a
Referal...I did all the legwork only coz I done this before

[Keira]

I'm also really ticked off because all of this crap costs money that I don't have...and the medical system expects me to pay for it all out of pocket...

Not to mention the fact that (as I said before) I have to go to a psych just so that they can analyze me and tell me "yeah you have gender dysphoria" or just blow it off and tell me that "you don't know what you're talking about, you aren't trans enough"...

I don't know how Im going to make it through this...or even if I am going to make it through this.

Maybe if I damage my body enough Ill just randomly drop dead...I don't know anymore...

Thanks for the sympathy...

I feel like Im just being whiny and annoying to everyone...Im at the point where I don't want to talk anymore...I almost didn't even post this thread today.

[Ltl89]

Skye,

You are not bothering anyone here.  This forum is meant to provide support and education to everyone in need. No one thinks you are whiny or annoying. We are both at the same stage of transitioning, and I know how difficult it is.  If you aren't struggling to some degree during transition, then I would say there is something wrong with you  

Please don't hurt yourself.  It might look dark now, but you will soon get to blossom into the strong woman you are inside.  Yeah, it might take time; however, when you look back, you will be glad that you went through it all in order to reach your goal. 

If you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find me.