Coming out to my first family member.

[Olivia-Anne]

So as the subject title suggests, I am planning on coming out to my first family member. This is something I have been putting off for literally decades. But I think I am far enough with my emotional and physical transition. Things are starting to look different, to an outside observer. I come from a devout Catholic family. Their religion preaches love and acceptance and unfortunitially most them seem to use it as a means to fuel their own prejeduce and intolerance. (disclaimer: this is my own opinion of "my" religion and is not meant in anyway to offend anyones beliefs. I deeply respect and honor anyone elses beliefs, culture and religions)  Over the years I have heard such hatred and bigotry come out of my entire families mouths that I don't know what their reaction might be.

I am planning on telling my brother. He is coming down to visit me and to see my new house. I am choosing him first because he is by far the most open-minded person in my immediate family. He is a college phsycology professor at the UC level. He teaches at a very liberal college. He also teaches at a juvenial detention center. I also think he is the only one I wouldn't have to explain what transgender means, and what the implications are. I love him and respect him very much. Yet, I still don't know what his reaction will be and I am extremely anxious about it. Although, since I decided to tell him about it last weekend, it feels like the right time. It's hard to explain. Yes, on the one hand I am very nervous, but on the other, I can already feel the relief of finally getting this huge secretive burden off of my shoulders.

Also, telling him means that, by extension, I will also be telling his wife. Her brother is gay, and she could not care less. His wife is a wonderful person and I don't really have any reservations about her knowing, to be completly honest.

I really hope everything goes well tonight and I don't lose my brother. I also hope that he doesn't flip out and feel the need to inform the rest of  my family on his own. I also hope that I have the courage to go through with telling him. I am at the point where I need to let someone in on this stuff. I feel so alone everyday. The lonliness is beginning to crush me.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post or rant. Send some good luck vibes my way! I sure could use it. 

<3 Liv

[Sarah Louise]

Good luck.  It sounds like you chose the right person to tell.

[Devlyn]

Sounds like everything will work out fine! Hugs, Devlyn

[Bex80]

Good luck Liv. x

[Princess Rachel]

Good luck hun, I can't promise you it'll be easy, speaking from my own experiences, I was a bag of nerves and in a world of personal hurt but I don't regret it for a second, even though my parents weren't immeditely accepting and even tried using emotional blackmail to stop me transitioning, it was my life and my decision alone to transition and I don't regret that either.  My brother, sister in law and aunt were all accepting from the get-go and their support helped me a lot.  Some 'friends' didn't want anything to do with me, others were fine with it and I made some new friends.

The only words of advice I think I can give are: things will change if you do something , and things change when you do nothing, so you may as well do what you want to do, so you get to make the choices that affect you

[Olivia-Anne]

My brother is awsome. I am so thankful for him I can not put it into words. It is about 3 A.M right now and we have been talking for the past 8 hours or so. Basically the overview of the conversation is that he loves me and supports me 100%. Also, apparently his wife already knew...  It is so fantastic to finally come out to someone in my immediate family and have it go so well. So exhausted/excited right now. Also thank you to all you ladies for your words of encouragement.

<3 Liv

[Bex80]

I was wondering how it went. I'm really happy for you Liv. x

[FrancisAnn]

Such great news. You are so smart to bring all your family into your real life. I'm sure you feel so much better.

Please have a great day fellow girl friend.

[Cindy]

Great news!

I remember I invited the whole family around in one go for dinner, I opened the door as Cindy.

Got it over with quickly!!!

They all accepted me as well.

Have a great time and love to your brother and sister in law.

Hugs

Cindy

[Olivia-Anne]

Great news!

I remember I invited the whole family around in one go for dinner, I opened the door as Cindy.

Got it over with quickly!!!

They all accepted me as well.

Have a great time and love to your brother and sister in law.

Hugs

Cindy

Wow! I could not imagine doing that! I think I am going to go to each my my brothers and sisters individually so a mob mentality doesn't happen. LOL! the past couple days I have probably had about 20 hours of conversation. My voice is actually harsh from talking so much. They went back home about 2 hours ago. I still feel like this is just a dream though. I still can't believe it.

I was able to have a long conversation with my sister in law as well. That went extremely well also. We talked about everything from my type of men, to what clothes I like to wear, to how long I have known, to a philisophical conversation about gender identity. I am just in awe about how awsome my sister is. So very thankful.

The conversations I had with my brother were equally amazing. Apprently, a part of his education that he never told me about, was about gender identity and feminism. But he never told me about it because he didn't think our "masculine performance" would dictate that as an appropiate topic. So basically my brother has a PHD in Gender identity. How fantastic is that! I basically started telling him to ask me about anything, and for once in  my life, I could give him honest answers. He asked questions about everything, it was so liberating! I don't think I could come up with an aspect of my trans identity that we didn't talk about. I literally held nothing back with my answers and opinions. He even said that talking with me about the topic of gender identy, was like talking with a professer in the same field! The joke became that he is giving me an honerary PHD in gender studies lol!! I am still in awe of my brother and his wife. I am so so so lucky to have them in my life.

This weekend has left me so emotionally exhausted and excited. I think my brother and sister in law would probably say the same thing. It has been such a fantastic experience that I think it will help carry some momentum to tell more family members. They also told me if I ever need them there when I told someone that they would be there to support me.  I just thought I would say a little more about this topic. The last time I posted I was so exhausted from the experience. I think I was unable to articulate exactly what I wanted to. Thank you all again for your inspiration and support!

<3 Liv

[FrancisAnn]

Olivia,

Such good news. How great to have a nice girl friend with your sister in law. Hopefully she can be your life long close friend.

Good luck & take care young woman, you are going to be just fine.

[Rachel]

Congratulations I am happy for you.

[generous4]

...coming out to my first family member.

...Also, telling him means that, by extension, I will also be telling his wife.

....feel the need to inform the rest of  my family on his own.

Families are complicated, and even though we know our family members, there are surprises.  You might be a surprise to your brother, OK; but what if he reacts gracefully?  That would be a surprise to you.

Also, as for informing the rest of the family, that is something you might not have control over, so let it ride.  Your trust level for your brother is good, your expectation of his reaction is decent, so if he does let the rest of the family know, it might work out fairly well for everybody.

But for now, yes, it is nervous time.  How well I know it!!  Hang in there.

[generous4]

.... Also, apparently his wife already knew... 

I did not read the entire thread, just your first post.

But see?  I was right.  A surprise --> with your brother's wife.  Funny/crazy how that kind of thing goes.

Well, you are on your way now.  It is good.

[Cleopatra]

Congratulations. My boyfriend and I who is on the transgender journey are soon to embark on telling certain family members.
It is good to read other people's experience even though it is recognised that we may experience a very different response.
Our best wishes go to you and we will be interested to see how it goes with other family members.

[Olivia-Anne]

Congratulations. My boyfriend and I who is on the transgender journey are soon to embark on telling certain family members.
It is good to read other people's experience even though it is recognised that we may experience a very different response.
Our best wishes go to you and we will be interested to see how it goes with other family members.

Thanks, and good luck with telling their family. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I think it's fantastic that you are there to support them. Good luck!

<3 Liv