So it's my niece's birthday party tomorrow, and apparently it's being held at a local swimming pool.
As some know already I had my first bout of real dysphoria the other day... Tomorrow is making me feel even worse.
We're going to be at a swimming pool, and I love swimming, but I never did fully like how I looked in a swimsuit. I think in part because I am a bit self conscious about being over weight, but I always wore gym shorts and a large (really large) t-shirt while swimming. After learning more about myself in the past month or so, combined with the dysphoria swimming tomorrow is going to suck. I want to swim and have fun with my niece, I always enjoy playing with her, but now I just don't know if my heart is in it or not.
I guess I feel at a loss. I don't want to seem like I'm being rude by just sitting in a corner not participating with my sister, mother, niece, and whoever else will be there... But I don't necessarily feel comfortable about swimming right now either. It seriously sucks, because like I said, I love to go swimming. Water has always had this odd calming effect on me, sometimes I take an extra shower during a day where I just need to reflect on things and soaking in the water always feels relaxing and I can just think so much clearer like that. Swimming has always been a favorite activity of mine, ever since I was a little kid too. It's like feeling free to some extent. But now I just don't know what to do...
Anyone out there had a similar issue? If so... how did you go through with it, cause I could really use some advice.
Jerred