I've made a huge mistake

[WendyKroy]

I was living in Reno with my wife of 5 years. When I came out to her our marriage fell apart. I tried to move to SF but the money ran out and I used my last bit of savings to drive across the country and move back in with my nice but extremely bigoted father who doesn't know why I got divorced but is respecting my privacy. I am on long island new york. I am suffering from extreme depression and I feel like I don't have any options. I appreciate everyone who responded to my last post about moving to SF with good advice. I don't expect anyone will have any advice for my current situation but I feel like I am dying and I just needed to get this out. So if you are reading this thanks for listening but no need to reply.

[pebbles]

I'm sorry for your situation, I can't know what your exactly going through but I know depression and how at it's worst hell has got nothing on it.

I can only tell you, don't let fear hold you back, depression erodes your willpower and sensation towards everything and makes doing anything excruciatingly hard but you've gotta cross that desert and make a change to your life that you need.

I don't know you enough to say what it is you need that's a question you need to ask yourself.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! It's always best to look at what you do have, and it sounds like you have a roof over your head and food, two more things than a lot of people. Build your collection of good things from there. Hugs, Devlyn

[Ltl89]

I know what it's like to live in NY.  It's not very easy to get your own place.  My suggestion to you is to take advantage of the shelter you have for now and continue to develop funds for when you decide to make a move.  Realistically, you can start the process without anyone catching the initial periods of transitioning.   Keep in mind NY and LI are not bad places to transition.  There are resources available to you if you know where to look.  There are some really well developed LGBT organizations and of course you are closely in reach to the city where you have abundant resources. Plus, your bigoted father might not be as bad once he learns that someone in his blood is LGBT.  People can be surprising at times.

[Rabbit]

1) Money and career - this is really the foundation for a decent life. You need to be thinking about work and career and how to get there (while also balancing transition). Hormones are easy enough to get (and takes yearssss to work), but after that it gets expensive fast! Laser? Surgeries? Clothes? Makeup?

Basically, get on your feet... get that career going and a job that respects you (and LGBT people)... and your life and the possibilities will seem SOOO much better. Start on hormones if you want, but really, you need some stability and safety before jumping in the pool.

[Miranda Catherine]

I can't disagree with anyones' advice, but I knew when I was married and came out to my wife it was only a matter of time before the marriage was over. It takes a very loving and understanding woman to stay with a transwoman in a marriage and I think you probably knew it could end. It shows how important your GID is that you decided not to or couldn't hide it any longer. That in itself should tell you sooo much about who you are and what you need to do, especially if you really love(d) her. I know you're in terrible pain, but all these women have given you great ideas. The one thing you can't continue to do is stand still, because it never means that. It means that every day you're thinking you're doing nothing is one more day lost to depression and pain from GID. Please, for your own sanity, take some steps, even if they're tiny at first. Just make sure they're moving forward. Hugs, Mira