T blockers and the effects?

[Jess42]

OK, I have a question about T blockers. What will they do to the body other than blocking the production of testosterone? Will it allow the natural estrogen to enhances things like fat redistribution toward the hips and chest? Will it make a person less aggresive and more passive?

The reason I'm asking is that I am starting to get the courage to open up to my therapist and quit trying to BS around the bush and hope that he can read my mind. Therapy is starting to cost me more and more and as cowardly as I am, I just can't blurt out that I am transgendered. I always use the excuse of overcrowding and unhappy in the state I live and pissed off about it. He did send me to a Psychiatrist for medication changes and was put on lithium carbonate to get the right side of the brain in synche or whetever. Whatever it does, it seems to make the feelings of longing to express my femininity stronger than ever.

The problem is I have a wife that would possibly be devistated, but I'm coming to the point that I am sacrificing myself and happiness for her and others. If I talk to the therapist and Psychiatrist about GID over time could they prescribe T blockers to at least make me feel somewhat better without such a big change? I can see having a happy middle with my wife, still somewhat male and feeling a little more female. As long as she can deal with it and be female with her but male enough without her being labled a lesbian, I know she would hate that. But the decision would be totally up to her, if I ever get the courage to tell her.

Regardless, I am at the end of my rope. I am thinking of just leaving and running away somewhere just to be the person I want to be. I do get aggressive sometimes because of the frustration I feel. Would T blockers help with the aggression?

[Elsa]

Well T blocker do cut down on aggression massively.

But on their own they could lead to osteoporosis. So at the very least you would need to go for either low E dosage or a low dose of T blockers.

T Blockers do cause a very mild level of feminization but on their own they are extremely slow and not that effective when you compare the same effects with T blockers and E combination.
Your doctor or an endo would be the best person to speak to regarding dosages and checkups so that you could get the right level of hormones.

As for therapy you would need to either open up to a therapist or go for informed consent.

Hang in there hon. You may want to discuss this with your therapist before talking to your wife about it and please don't run away - it will only devastate you both and she may end up blaming herself for the rest of her life.

::hugs::

[Jess42]

Thanks Alexia6. I definately will talk to the therapist before talking to the wife. Even if I talk with the wife about it at this point in time. I do know or at least believe that she is transphobic and that hurts me when she says stupid ->-bleeped-<- and all I do is try to open her mind a little and die a little more inside. When this happens I hear a big toilet flushing in my mind. But the running away part, I don't know. Sometimes I feel that may be my only option. Maybe start a town and call it "Transylvania". I know, stupid joke. I just wish I could have a do over with my life because I would do things totally different. I would worry as much about my own happiness first and then everyone else's. I know that probably sounds selfish and I guess it is sort of.

[Q]

OK, I have a question about T blockers. What will they do to the body other than blocking the production of testosterone? Will it allow the natural estrogen to enhances things like fat redistribution toward the hips and chest? Will it make a person less aggresive and more passive?

The reason I'm asking is that I am starting to get the courage to open up to my therapist and quit trying to BS around the bush and hope that he can read my mind. Therapy is starting to cost me more and more and as cowardly as I am, I just can't blurt out that I am transgendered. I always use the excuse of overcrowding and unhappy in the state I live and pissed off about it. He did send me to a Psychiatrist for medication changes and was put on lithium carbonate to get the right side of the brain in synche or whetever. Whatever it does, it seems to make the feelings of longing to express my femininity stronger than ever.

The problem is I have a wife that would possibly be devistated, but I'm coming to the point that I am sacrificing myself and happiness for her and others. If I talk to the therapist and Psychiatrist about GID over time could they prescribe T blockers to at least make me feel somewhat better without such a big change? I can see having a happy middle with my wife, still somewhat male and feeling a little more female. As long as she can deal with it and be female with her but male enough without her being labled a lesbian, I know she would hate that. But the decision would be totally up to her, if I ever get the courage to tell her.

Regardless, I am at the end of my rope. I am thinking of just leaving and running away somewhere just to be the person I want to be. I do get aggressive sometimes because of the frustration I feel. Would T blockers help with the aggression?

Jess, about having the courage to open up to your therapist... Do you have email contact with them? Could you email them in advance of your next session and say that you've been struggling to get the courage to bring this up, but could we talk about X next time?

I suggest that because I've had a couple of experiences of talking to doctors about it recently. In one case I had emailed a lot of detail about why I wanted to see them first. In the other, I just had to walk in cold and talk about it.

I found it made it so much easier to have emailed first, because I had already told them everything I might have been embarrassed to say and I knew they were expecting what we were talking about. On the other hand, when I had to go to my GP and tell them about it cold, not knowing what their reaction would be, I was super nervous, ended up going bright red and couldn't stop my hands shaking. So, maybe emailing in advance might help you too?

[Cindy]

Well look at it this way. Talking to and opening up and being truthful to your therapist is the easy part. And they probably all ready know if they are any good.

Every other step you may find more difficult.

If for imagination sake, you took HRT without telling anyone etc and the changes start, how will you explain them?

Whoops I'm developing boobs, cannot obtain or maintain an erection, becoming more passive and my skin tone is changing.

Ahhhh people do notice.

Sometime somehow you will have to discuss this with your wife - and others

Cindy

[Jess42]

Thanks everyone for the replies, as for the boobs or moobs part, I already got them about a handful each. Im not really fat so maybe the gynoclamastia or whetever it's called. I kinda like em myself. I do shave so there would be no big surprise there.

Like you said Cindy the therapist part, even though I am slowly gaining courage to talk about it would be the easiest part. Everything else would just be and is extrememly complex. I know for a fact that I would be called negative names, selfish, non caring and just about any other thing by my wife. It really hurts me sometimes what she says about us in general and I try incognito to expand her way of thinking but it never works, so bigtime divorce would be in the picture.

Thank you kyh for believing me not to be selfish. I do still feel that way though. I have made many sacrifices for my wife to the point that it is causing me major depression, but I won't go into that.

I do feel like running away, doing what I need to do to make myself feel normal and happy and just becoming a different person, the person that I want to be. But that is complicated too.

Please everyone send me some positive energy by way of prayer, chants, spells or just wishing me good luck no matter what religion you are. I have a therapist's appointment this coming week and really need to get to the root of my "problem".

And really who knows. Just about everything about me screams female, hairless body, long hair, neat eyebrows and so on, she may even know and she don't mind. She even told me way back that I would have been a pretty woman. But I have been too cowardly as in not asking her more of what she means and so on. When she gets pissed at me, she does call me a bitch. I am so freakin' confused.

What's everyone's thoughts on the last part that I wrote? Because now I am more confused than ever thinking back on it.

[Eveline]

I know for a fact that I would be called negative names, selfish, non caring and just about any other thing by my wife. It really hurts me sometimes what she says about us in general and I try incognito to expand her way of thinking but it never works, so bigtime divorce would be in the picture.

Jess, here are a couple of books by transwomen that show how transition can affect a marriage:

• She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders - Boylan, Jennifer Finney (marriage survived)
• Crossing: A Memoir - McCloskey, Deirdre N. (marriage did not)

I found both stories very moving. You might find some ideas on how to handle your situation in these books, or in the published stories of other married transwomen...

[Bardoux]

OK, I have a question about T blockers. What will they do to the body other than blocking the production of testosterone? Will it allow the natural estrogen to enhances things like fat redistribution toward the hips and chest? Will it make a person less aggresive and more passive?

The reason I'm asking is that I am starting to get the courage to open up to my therapist and quit trying to BS around the bush and hope that he can read my mind. Therapy is starting to cost me more and more and as cowardly as I am, I just can't blurt out that I am transgendered. I always use the excuse of overcrowding and unhappy in the state I live and pissed off about it. He did send me to a Psychiatrist for medication changes and was put on lithium carbonate to get the right side of the brain in synche or whetever. Whatever it does, it seems to make the feelings of longing to express my femininity stronger than ever.

The problem is I have a wife that would possibly be devistated, but I'm coming to the point that I am sacrificing myself and happiness for her and others. If I talk to the therapist and Psychiatrist about GID over time could they prescribe T blockers to at least make me feel somewhat better without such a big change? I can see having a happy middle with my wife, still somewhat male and feeling a little more female. As long as she can deal with it and be female with her but male enough without her being labled a lesbian, I know she would hate that. But the decision would be totally up to her, if I ever get the courage to tell her.

Regardless, I am at the end of my rope. I am thinking of just leaving and running away somewhere just to be the person I want to be. I do get aggressive sometimes because of the frustration I feel. Would T blockers help with the aggression?

I don't understand what you mean by overcrowding? It may be that your therapist is aware that there are other unresolved issues that you aren't talking about, but is waiting for you to come to him/her in your own time. It will always be difficult coming out the first time, but as therapists are professionals i would say firstly they may have dealt with similar cases of GID, and or will deal with the matter without judgement or prejudice.

Anti-androgens do help with aggression, but the frustration will still be present as long as you continue to feel unable to move forward with your transition or exploration into your dysphoria. What i would say about AA is as it is a DHT blocker as well, a hormone which is essential in many respects to proper cognitive function i've read, you may notice some of what people call 'brain fog'. Were it is hard to gather thoughts and think clearly at times. As your body readjusts from the shift from Testosterone to Estrogen as the predominant hormone this should resolve itself. I most certainly am not a medical expert, but you should research into finasteride and some other AA's and side effects, particularly for prolonged periods of time without or prior to Estrogen administered into the system.

[Jess42]

THanks nwgrrrl. I will check out those books. thanks for the info.

Bardoux. When I say overcrowding, and it really is one of my problems, I mean too many people living too close to one another. I walk outside, BAM! there is antoher person living less than 50 ft away from me. I always have to wait in line for no matter what, which in itself isn't a bad thing, but where I live the other people always seem to be on top of me, less than two feet away from me most of the time. My comfortable personal space is at least three feet and preferably five feet. Living situation in meaning that my comfort with the nearest house next to me is at least 100yards if not more, preferably rather be miles though. But I am realistic, sometimes I think anyway. As for the therapist knowing, I don't really think so. I have studied psychology myself (no paper on the wall though) and some things we are on the same level, and somethings that are little more out ther, I am a little more knowledgeable due to a mix between learning in an institutional setting and researching as a hobby for my own satisfaction. Maybe this week I'll just hit and miss question him about ->-bleeped-<- and see what he knows.

One of the sacrifices that I metioned is that I have put myself through this for my wife. This is causing me depression and so on. I have always identified inside as female from earliest memories. I used to be able to have privacy due to jobs, plenty of space with the wife visiting reletives and so on to enjoy the freedom of being me for a little while (no I did not be freely feminine for sexual gratification but rather a tremendous feeling of comfort with myself and an extreme feeling of true self identity) and yes, I could go back to masquerade as a physical male well enough for whatever resons I have fooled myself all these years. The older I get or the more mental psychological pressure due to existing in an overcrowded area, or its just becoming time for the female to finally take over full time.

I know each and everyone of you have been or are going through the same thing that I am going through but under differing circumstances. For those of you that have made the changes, you have my utmost total respect and I am in awe of your courage. For those of you younger that are going through it, be thankful you finding or found your place in the world before the masquerade went on too long. For those younger but not quite sure, figure it out and do accordingly, Believe me in that the longer it goes, the more complicated it gets. And for those such as myself, I feel for you becasue I know what you are going through, just under different circumstances.

Thanks to each and everyone.