How to come out in work?

[Joe.]

I work for a supermarket (like Walmart but for the UK, its a huge company).My work is very judgemental. I know its illegal for them to discriminate but one supervisor bullies me anyway. I'm hopefully going to be getting a transfer when I go to university but I don't know how to tell them that I'm going to be transitioning before I transfer. I'm going to be legally changing my name and stuff so I know I legally have to tell them, but I don't want to be ridiculed even more. I know they will all talk about me and some even say stuff to my face, so I don't know whether to forget the transfer and resign in August to save explaining myself. I still have to return during the holidays so I think I should just quit. Could you all give me some advice please?

[Arch]

Oh, that's a tough call. I would make a list of questions to ask myself, and then make a list of pros and cons for each option.

What do you gain and lose by the transfer? What do you gain and lose by quitting and restarting? Will it look funny to the new store if you quit and restarted? They will inevitably look up your work history...you might be better off just starting transition and transferring. Or just looking for a brand new job. Is the new store likely to be in a more liberal area? You might start your transition there, rather than risking a bad recommendation simply because you started transition at the old store.

Have you any higher-ups who might give you a good recommendation?

[Joe.]

The list of pros and cons is a good idea actually, thanks. I'm not sure if its more liberal but nobody there would know me. Obviously I'd have a reference from the old place and they'd know I'm trans, but they wouldn't have anything to compare me to. I've been told by several members of staff that I'm a credit to the team and my customer service is excellent. 2 managers have said this too.  I know I'm good at my job, that's why I don't really want to quit, but I don't want to feel pushed out either because of the atmosphere and possible but likely comments :/

[Rachel]

I thought of something you may want to consider:

Keep a record of all inappropriate commnets. Follow the work place rules and do not get into a confrontation. Take pics of all stuff put on the walls and computers. File formal complaints to HR and copy your suprtvisors. At some point your local Equal Opportunities Board should then get a copy of the issues if it continues. File a EEOC complaint. If there is no satisfaction hire a LGBTQIA lawyer pro bono and extract damages.

[FTMDiaries]

Having a good reference will help tremendously, particularly if it's in the right name. So I'd suggest coming out to your branch's Personnel Dept.

Have you told that supervisor's boss what they're saying to you? What about one of those managers who have complimented you on your work? See, you're probably worried about being seen as whiny if you complain... but the law gives LGBT people special protection from harassment. The thing is: you have to tell them you're trans before you can get that protection.

The 'atmosphere' and 'comments' you mention are unlawful, and your colleagues would be disciplined or even fired if they try that with you. That's because the Equality Act 2010 places a duty on your employer to protect you from such harassment. There's plenty of info about the Equality Act on the Web, but this is a good place to start: http://www.pfc.org.uk/Equality.html

Have a good read about your rights, then get in touch with whoever is responsible for Personnel/Human Resources at your branch. Tell them you're trans and plan to transition on the job, and make them aware that you're worried about potential harassment from your colleagues - particularly that supervisor. Make notes about what they've said, when they said it and whether there were any witnesses. It doesn't matter that they're higher up than you are: they will be disciplined if they're breaking the law. If it helps, take a printout of the relevant bits of the Act as a reminder of your rights and use it to show where that supervisor is breaking the law.

Any time anyone is judgemental or makes you feel awkward about this, make a note and tell Personnel about it. It isn't your job to make your colleagues behave; it's theirs. But they can only do it when you come out to them.

Did you know that your employer has an LGBT staff network? Many large companies have similar organisations. You might want to get in touch with them to ask their advice, because many of them will have come out at work & will know what to expect. I'll PM you the link.

I'm a manager and I've recently completed a course on this very subject. If you'd like some advice on specific incidents, feel free to PM me.

[StellaB]

The Equalities Act 2010 should protect you in any workplace for gender reassignment and coming out, even if you have not had any medical procedures or anything done.

Please bear in mind that 'discrimination' covers four areas:

1. Direct discrimination - when someone is treated less favourably due to gender reassignment or being a transsexual.

2. Indirect discrimination - where a policy or rule is implemented to all employees which is particularly disadvantageous to a transsexual or someone undergoing gender reassignment.

3. Harrassment - unwanted conduct (speech, behaviour, communication) because you are a transsexual or undergoing gender reassignment which violates your dignity or creates a degrading, hostile, humiliating or intimidating environment.

4. Victimisation - the unfair treatment of someone who has made a complaint or supported one which relates specifically to gender reassignment discrimination.

From what you post I'd say you have a very clear case of harrassment going on if not discrimination.

Being judgmental has got nothing to do with it. You don't get paid or employed to be judgmental, but to do your job. A major reason why our economy is so screwed up is because people have become so judgmental.

I would take it up with your personnel/HR department. If they don't do anything about it I'd add that to the original complaint and take it higher.

Hoping it works out for you.

[Joe.]

Thanks for the advice everyone, it's really appreciated. Sorry, I think I've confused some of you, one supervisor doesn't bully me for being trans, she bullies me about other stuff and makes me look stupid in front of people. She got so aggressive towards me once that the security guard saw it all on camera and came and asked if I was ok. Her and some other staff are what is scaring me.

[Arch]

Thanks for the advice everyone, it's really appreciated. Sorry, I think I've confused some of you, one supervisor doesn't bully me for being trans, she bullies me about other stuff and makes me look stupid in front of people. She got so aggressive towards me once that the security guard saw it all on camera and came and asked if I was ok. Her and some other staff are what is scaring me.

It's quite possible that she bullies you about other things because she reads you as different and doesn't like it. I used to have a boyfriend who would hassle me about anything not related to the real issue--it's a common tactic.

In any event, she definitely shouldn't be acting that way!