Need advice...

[randomdude5]

Hi I was just wondering some peoples' opinions on this...

When I decided to transition (In the middle of HS) I left my school switched to internet classes and pretty much stopped all communication with my friends from school. Now, 4 years later or so I talked to some of them over the internet and they asked me if i wanted to hang out and catch up on stuff because we haven't talked in well... 4 years... They don't know that I am FTM, and yeah... I think it would be cool to hang out with em again at least once since they had been my friend since I was around 10 years old.

She is the only person I would tell about this, thing is I don't know if she'll be able to keep the secret or no since I haven't really talked to her in many years and people change... I don't really know what's the worst that could happen if she told others, and honestly after I tell her she might not ever wanna talk to me again... I really have no idea what her reaction would be like lol...

So in your guys' opinions... Should I tell her, or should I just forget about her like I had done for the past 4 years and never see her again? I'm really not sure what I should do lol. 😛 I really would like to tell her and see her again but I'm scared of what might happen if I do...

[Jared]

I gave every of my friends a "chance" if they accept me or not. I trusted them enough to know they not gonna tell other people but wasn't sure we still can be friends. So I would give it a try, most people can accept this like nothing changed. I don't think it will be a lose if not, you tried.

[randomdude5]

Thanks to the one person who replied lol... And yeah, my mum has put into my head these crazy ideas that if she'd tell other people I would start getting harassment in every way possible and while I guess that's a possibility, I don't think its very probably that that would happen, but now that idea is stuck in my head like what if... 🙁

[Jared]

I can only speak for myself but I don't think harrassment is a common thing for being trans, it's just the worse case. Of course I don't know where you live, where I do it's not an issue. You need to know who you can trust enough and you'll be fine.

[randomdude5]

Yeah, I'm in Canada, near Toronto.. I don't think I'd get a crap load of harassment personally... I guess I should just take the risk and tell her and see what happens... Now the only problem is I'm not sure how to tell her lol.

[Jared]

I guess you changed much in the 4 years you didn't saw each other. It will be obvious you changed for some reason, it won't be hard to explain why. Good luck if you decide to meet her  🙂

[GnomeKid]

well.. by keeping it a secret and not telling them you're pretty much assuming they'll de-friend you for it, but you already did that for them when you decided to secret yourself away for your transition (understandably, of course).  You haven't seen them for 4 years.  If they don't accept you things will just go back to normal the way they are now, and you'll make new friends as a transman (or just a man - its up to you).  If anything you may discover you don't even like them anymore.  Thats happened to me with a couple friends I was close with in the past.  (especially people from early high school and middle school!)

I know I'm a bit of a rarity in this area, but I've yet to lose a friend over being trans.  Take the chance otherwise you'll just live with that anxiety.

I'd tell her before you meet up.  Like "soooo since we've spoken a few changes have been made..." or if you get to the what have you been up to ect. "oh just becoming a boy" or something along those lines. 

I'm assuming if you left HS to transition you've undergone some obvious changes from hormones/surgery.  A simple phone conversation will probably give you away (and be an easy way to let her know)

[AdamMLP]

I would possibly postpone the meeting for a while and continue talking to them online to see if you're still friends.  One or both of you might have changed and you don't really get on anymore, in which case it would be pointless meeting up and coming out, especially if you don't know if she's the sort of person who would tell others now.

If it does work out that you still both want to meet up then I would tell her before I saw her, what you say would depend on whether or not people knew why you left school, I'm assuming they don't.  I would say something like, "you know I left school?  I was going through a lot of stuff, and as you might be able to tell, I'm living as a guy now."  Don't make it out to be a big deal.

[randomdude5]

GnomeKid, yeah I was thinking the worst that would probably happen is they won't wanna talk to me anymore and I've already been doing that for 4 years so that's something I can deal with. Also I do think people in general are more accepting than we expect them to be. I've been reading these forums for nearly 4 years now, and I've seen many people who keep their friends after telling them and that's why I was thinking maybe I can salvage some friendships. I realise we might talk and find out well we don't really have anything to talk about anymore and so there would be no reason for us to be friends because people do change and interests change. But the opposite is also true.

And AlexanderC, that's a good way to say it, I don't want to make it out as a big deal but I do want to make sure she gets that I don't want her telling anyone else... Not for now anyways.


I want to tell her before we talk on the phone, maybe I'll tell her through text... We'll see how it goes. :S  This is stressing me lol.

[AdamMLP]

In that case maybe just add in, "I left because I wanted to start a fresh as *chosen name*, and I'd still rather keep it that way." Or something to that effect anyway.  Goodluck in whatever happens.

[randomdude5]

! Judging by what she said she seems to have taken it great and seems to be really accepting!!! No regrets as of yet, she still wants to meet up hopefully it goes well and thanks for the advice guys!! 😀

[AdamMLP]

Great news!  Keep us updated!

[hattie]

I smell flirt in the air!!! go on! Don't worry!!  😉