Hmm...progress?

[Liminal Stranger]

Yesterday my dad commented that yes, him and my mother will sometimes use female pronouns because that's what I am to them. I didn't think much of it, but today they misgendered me constantly when we were out to lunch without even realizing until I got upset enough to get up and take a walk so I wouldn't yell or something. Something clicked in their heads and they got the hint, my dad went to go say it was upsetting her but stopped and was angry at himself for slipping up like that. So they're still not using male pronouns but they're becoming aware of it as an issue severely affecting my happiness. I wonder what actually made the change.

[Simon]

It sounds like your dad does care about your feelings. In the past you have said how immature he can be but it sounds like he has the potential to change in the future. I think only time will tell and it may take a lot of time. It might be after you're on T for awhile.

If they refuse to call you by male pronouns right now maybe it's a possibility that you can meet them in the middle and figure out a way that they won't call you by pronouns at all?

[DriftingCrow]

That's great Max, def going in the right direction it seems.

[Liminal Stranger]

It sounds like your dad does care about your feelings. In the past you have said how immature he can be but it sounds like he has the potential to change in the future. I think only time will tell and it may take a lot of time. It might be after you're on T for awhile.

If they refuse to call you by male pronouns right now maybe it's a possibility that you can meet them in the middle and figure out a way that they won't call you by pronouns at all?

He's had a bit of an experience I've helped catalyze, opened his eyes a lot. It's amazing, I never thought I'd see him this way again, yet there's something a bit changed, closer to a person-person relationship now in addition to parent-child. Just when I was accepting cutting ties, too...

They're trying to avoid pronouns right now, and use something like "the kid" or "your child" or a gender-neutral nickname. So we'll see how this goes, maybe they'll both come around fully. Funny how things always seem to change when you've given up all hope on the situation.

[DriftingCrow]

It's amazing, I never thought I'd see him this way again, yet there's something a bit changed, closer to a person-person relationship now in addition to parent-child.

Part of it might be because you're getting older, once you don't need to be babysat so much, it's easier to have a bit of a friendship dimension to the parent-child relationship.

[D0LL]

I know it's hard to learn to call your child a different gender, but they need to realize it's harder on you than it is on them. Not even trying to remember to call you "he" is inexcusable.

I know it was definitely a challenge when my one friend wanted to start being called "she". I made a lot of slip-ups at first (I had known her as "mike" for years, that sort of thing is definitely a huge change), but the more you try to say the right thing, the easier it will be no only for them to continue to say the right thing, but it also becomes easier for them to see you as your "new" gender. I look at my friend now, and I don't see her as "oh, she has a penis". I just see her as "her". And that would have been a lot harder if I'd never made the attempt to start calling her by her proper gender.

Once they do start calling you by the proper pronoun, and do it consistently, just make sure you don't freak out if they slip up once in a while. My friend will blow up whenever she hears "he"--EVEN though it usually happens that she's just mishearing things, or it's just word jumble that happens to everybody (because who hasn't accidentally called their male friends "she" or female friends "he" just when talking a lot?) Just keep that in mind, so you don't cause any extra strife between yourself and your loved ones (my friend has lost a lot of friends and has pushed her mom to her breaking point by having meltdowns over that kinda thing).

All-in-all, it DOES sound like your parents might try to come around. I think maybe they just need to accept it in their own minds first. You've had your whole life to come to terms with your gender. They haven't.

[Liminal Stranger]

Yeah, D0LL. I get a bit frustrated because I've had so many friends, long-distance and schoolmates, come out as trans that the pronoun changes are like having a talk about the weather for me. Them? They're from a whole different world, my mom's just a hair younger than the baby boomers and my dad isn't far behind. They had this whole expectation imposed on me, because one side of the family is stereotypically Italian and the other stereotypically Orthodox Jewish. But hey, what the hell- I'm the kid of two black sheep, odds weren't too good on me turning out normal anyway. I've noticed my FtM friends are better at taking slip-ups than the MtFs I know, one of which will flip out and then burst into tears if you accidentally call her a boy or say her birth name. I mean, yeah it sucks that we have to fight to be called what we should be called but c'mon, people screw up every once in a while.

I kinda gave up on them after the reaction my mom had and then my dad going from understanding to downright bullying. They don't exactly handle things well and I've been a problem child with my health issues, so they saw it as my fault and adding another problem to the list and doing this on purpose to give them more stress. Maybe they see that I'm serious now? And Henry, I'd like to believe that but they still see me as a little kid. There's just a little give there now instead of the constant butting of heads. If this keeps up maybe, just maybe, I could ask them for a proper binder or permission to have one. I'd like that, it would make me feel a lot better about going through this.

Though I still feel bad for not telling them right off the bat, or at 8 when I went through a phase of questioning, or 10 when I delved into anatomy books to understand what was male or female, or 12 when I would stand in front of the mirror and sob, or 14 when I finally knew that it was real. Nope, I had to go through denial first. Now I'll be off to college in a matter of a couple of years, and I'd like to go as a boy. Parental support would be great.