Erin, everyone is always saying it is so hard for us this way and that way and the other way.
It's not any easier on our spouses.
That is possibly an easy mistake, and a common one, to forget they won't have any easier a time. Different journey for them, but it won't be a quick or easy one in most cases.
My wife mentioned once, "I don't want to have lesbian sex". Understandable. I told her she had been having lesbian sex all along, we just never realized it. Thus, she needs to ask herself, were all of her orgasms ok? Did she like having sex with me? Because basically it's lesbian sex in my mind that I am having. The fact I don't need a strap on is just a detail. And considering most women likely have trouble reaching orgasm as a result of a male sex organ doing what it needs to do, it is likely with heir eyes closed, they would not be able to distinguish whether a male or a female hand made them orgasm. As plenty of women just need to be satisfied in some fashion not employing te male organ.
Once you take the whole sex needs to be accomplished by an anatomically proper male out of the picture, a spouse is just someone you need in your life more than life itself.
The label husband for instance, it's just a word. Plenty of days, my wife is more a cliche husband around here than me. I tend to be more a cliche housewife most days. Being called 'her husband' is just a nod to tradition.
I am inescapably the 'father' of her son. She will not see a day when she is not the mother in this family.
To me, she is my mate. I think mate tends to convey her importance much more accurately than any term human civilization has invented. I will be her mate regardless of what my hair look like, or what clothing I am wearing. I can change the name I respond to, but I can't change the reason she married me. I know the reason I married her has nothing to do with her sex organs. I married a person. An individual.
I don't expect my wife to be 'over this' any time soon. But then again, we both suffer from other personal demons not connected to my needing to be Lesley Roberta as well. I personally think her having diabetes is much more of a concern than whether I want to be a woman. I know my pain from not having a wood working shop bothers me a lot more than what's between my legs.
