Told mother

Kade1985 · May 13, 2013, 06:58:20 PM

Well. I told her. Not on the street, but she "doesn't want me to talk about it anymore" and "It's disgusting and I would never go through with it because I don't like pain".

Ya cried a bit

Devlyn · May 13, 2013, 07:03:01 PM

Good! After denial, she only has eleven steps to work through. Get yourself an ice cream, you did well. Hugs, Devlyn

Kade1985 · May 13, 2013, 07:04:14 PM

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on May 13, 2013, 07:03:01 PM
Good! After denial, she only has eleven steps to work through. Get yourself an ice cream, you did well. Hugs, Devlyn

It doesn't feel very well

Devlyn · May 13, 2013, 07:22:18 PM

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Hugs, Devlyn

Kade1985 · May 13, 2013, 07:24:29 PM

Story of my life I tell you what... At this point it's just... what now... she's upstairs just pretending I said nothing and she didn't even give me a chance to say much else and just... told me to go away

Ltl89 · May 13, 2013, 07:32:35 PM

Jerred,

I am super proud of you for your strength and determination. You may not see it, but you are a very strong man. There is no shame in crying. Crying can be a purifying thing. Look, you know what you want in your life. No one else can determine what's right for you. So, even if your mom is not on the same page, that is okay. Only you can decide your own path in life.

As for her denial, that's not necessarily a permanent thing. Many people have had parents deny there identity to all of a sudden holding their hand before surgery. Quite frankly, denial is par for the course. Remember, it took her time to adjust when she thought you were a lesbian. So, don't give up hope. She just might need some time.

I am so sorry for your pain Jerred. I'm a very sensitive person and have a lot of empathy, so I hate seeing anyone sad. If I could take away your pain, I really would. But know this, even if it hurts now, it will get better. No matter how she responds, you confronted who you are. As difficult as it is to see this, you just accomplished a major thing. Awesome job for being you and not letting fear stand in your way. Nothing will be able to stop you from doing what you want if you work hard. And you can do this.

Hugs.

ford · May 13, 2013, 07:45:33 PM

This sounds pretty normal Jerred. I think the best thing you can do now is give her some time to process. Give her a little space. If you have some pamphlets or books or something (I recommend True selves and this pflag link: http://community.pflag.org/Document.Doc?id=202) perhaps leave those somewhere she'll find them, but don't pester her to read them right away.

I think this is the hardest stage, because of course we want acceptance right away, but we have to let our loved ones acclimate bit by bit. Denial and shock often come first, but it's a process, not the final word.

You did great. Take a deep breath and go get your mind off this for a bit

Rachel · May 13, 2013, 07:51:17 PM

You have faced your fears and passed through them, congratulations.

Your Mom is in shock, she probably has no idea the pain you experiance from your disphoria and right now she is in no condition to learn. It will take some time to process. There is time later for measured information and sharing of your pain.

Kade1985 · May 13, 2013, 07:51:46 PM

Thanks everyone. The fact that you are all saying I was strong in doing this, and that this a normal reaction... I will believe that it is. I think I might watch some Xena lol.. as weird as it is that show has helped me feel better most every time I feel a bit defeated. I know it's a victory within itself, but I still feel a bit defeated anyways. Darned those human emotions.

I will keep you all posted... I do have a print out about ->-bleeped-<- with a Q&A section and advise and referal sites and so forth. I will leave it for her to find somewhere tomorrow. I'll take your advise into consideration, Ford and not pester her about it either.

Thanks guys, I'm starting to feel a bit better now.

Jerred

KaylaW · May 13, 2013, 07:59:44 PM

I feel for you, sucks not having a supportive parent, I imagine. I told my mom about myself and I didn't expect her to understand or be supportive but she was. She says she still is but she doesn't seem to want to discuss it that much anymore. That or the things I bring up that I want to talk about.

So chances are, she'll come around cause she's gonna start having questions. Plus, you're her child and like someone told me before, you love your children forever or you never really loved them at all. She'll warm up... Hang in there.

Kade1985 · May 13, 2013, 09:32:49 PM

She started trying to talk to me and then it turned into a yelling match with her not wanting to understand and slammed her bedroom door and that was that... Also she told me to get the eff out before I think about a "sex change"

KaylaW · May 13, 2013, 09:36:52 PM

She started yelling because you didn't see it her way and agree huh? Give her more time.

Kade1985 · May 14, 2013, 12:00:46 AM

Quote from: KaylaW on May 13, 2013, 09:36:52 PM
She started yelling because you didn't see it her way and agree huh? Give her more time.

I will

Bookworm · May 14, 2013, 03:46:48 AM

Good luck with everything, and yes it was brave to come out. I am confused and young. I need help, but to get that I need to come out to some degree. You did what is keeping myself and many others back. you let yourself out. Again good luck with everything.

Cindy · May 14, 2013, 03:52:36 AM

To be honest, this sounds like a pretty normal reaction.

Shock and rejection are often the first step.

The hide away in the room and don't want to talk about it.

And then realisation - what you have said is said. It will not go away.

You now need to support her through her thought process.

And don't be tempted to back down. You have nowhere to back down too.

Just be a loving understanding person.

Hugs and Congratulations

Cindy

spacial · May 14, 2013, 12:42:05 PM

To back up some others, she's always known but she's denying now that she's faced with it.

Think about it, from her perspective, other than your identity, what will be so very different?

Kade1985 · May 14, 2013, 01:10:43 PM

Quote from: spacial on May 14, 2013, 12:42:05 PM
To back up some others, she's always known but she's denying now that she's faced with it.

Think about it, from her perspective, other than your identity, what will be so very different?

I would assume everything. If not than just I'd be a dude now instead of a girl

gennee · May 14, 2013, 01:14:36 PM

Congrats, Jerred. It will take some time for your mom to grasp a hold of what you told her.
It took some time for my spouse to accept that I am transgender.

bethanyjadefowell · May 14, 2013, 03:09:19 PM

Quote from: Jerred1985 on May 13, 2013, 09:32:49 PM
She started trying to talk to me and then it turned into a yelling match with her not wanting to understand

That so sounds like how my dad is, even now....

You did well. Live your life for you. That is the only way you will be happy

.

Have you been diagnosed and started treatment? She may understand more and get use to it once you start to change.

Hope your mum does come round.

Shannon1979 · May 14, 2013, 03:26:16 PM

Quote from: Jerred1985 on May 13, 2013, 07:24:29 PM
Story of my life I tell you what... At this point it's just... what now... she's upstairs just pretending I said nothing and she didn't even give me a chance to say much else and just... told me to go away

Same thing has basically happened with my dad. He has completely blocked the subject out wont even acknowledge the subject. But all you can do is let her get her head round it in her own way. Whatever the outcome in the end you are doing this to make you happy not to upset her.

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Told mother