So...... Has your hair ever decided to single handedly try to destroy you!?!
5am.... The start of the assault.
As usual, after being jolted to consciousness by an alarm clock that could hold its own against an air-raid siren and which indignantly ripped me from some unknown tropical sandy beach where I was relaxing in a lounge chair, listening to the waves wash ashore, enjoying the soft warm breeze caress over me all while sipping on a Mai Tai that seemed to be endless (Sadly this was the best part of my day and I wasn't even awake!), I get up.
I make the mistake entering the bathroom of looking in the mirror.....
AkkkKKK!!!
I'm a spider plant at best, Medusa at worst. UGH! Red tangled chaos. I blame it on the cheap Dollar store hair tie. ......Ha!!! I know better by the end of the day.
Washed and conditioned I get the bright idea to try my hot-air curling iron, this should be faster I tell myself, doing two things at once.. Ya Think!?! Right! NOT!!!
I proceed. ................. still going........... still going.. and..
I look at the clock .. Ohhh Snap!! I'm seriously behind schedule and I'm not done. One last section, I can make it, the rest is going to have to air dry. I run the curler brush under that section of hair once and then at the end of the second pass do the curling part..
Knock , knock... My kid has to use the bathroom.. and BAD!!!..
I Yell "give me a second and I'll open the door."
I get in a hurry and start to pull the curing brush away while untwisting ....seems I was untwisting far faster than I was pulling and not 'away'.
Some hair, well a lot of it, ends up getting caught and starts to spool up onto the brush in the opposite direction of the hair I'm trying to get the air-curler out of....
Ohh FRACK!!! I'm stuck.
Forward I twist, backwards.. everything is stuck and tangled even worse.
Can't twist it out, can't pull it out!!!
Gawd this sucks!!!!
Meanwhile I'm being informed that "there's gonna be an accident" outside the door if they can't get in fast!!
OK fine.. I'll just open the door and then sort this out.. I quickly head to the door to unlock it.. O.o What the!?! My head snaps back as I reach the end of the cord and the hot-air curler wrests out of my hand. DANG!! That hurt, Its HOT!!!.. Panic, what to do!?! .. can't reach the door because I'm tethered to the wall, curler is branding me, I'm starting to smell burning hair and I can't seem to grab the fire breathing monster that's attached to the back of my head... NOT GOOD!!!!
Unplug it!! YES!! D'oh...!!!
OK... I'M FREE!! ....sorta well five minutes later I am and with much laughing from my kid.
We catch the school bus just in time and I relish in the thought of my 8 hours of liberation today... I know!! As a reward for my freedom I'll go SHOPPING!!! ...off to the shopping heaven of Erie. Its only 7am and the Target opens at 8:30am then Old Navy at 9am, mall at 10am along with most of the other stores. So an hour to get there and I'll just have to kill a half hour somewhere ..Wally world is open 24/7 WooT!!! This is going to be FUN!!! ( Yes.. I have shopping OCD)
And it is .....Till
Kohls...
I'm making my second pass around looking at the sales racks for anything I may have missed the first time.. Ohhh yay!!!
This looks like a major score... cap sleeve shell top with a black, fuchsia, pink and white asymmetrical color block pattern. Totally AWESOME!!
It's on one of the lower arms of the clothes rack.
I bend down and start hunting for my size.. WooT!! Found one!!
I go to straighten up.. O.o OUCH!!!
What the!?!....
I can't pick my head up!.. my hairs tangled on one of the arms of the rack.. at the same time my purse decides to fall off my shoulder, I catch it at my elbow.
Stuck bent over, ....Ohh this is just great! I had worn a short three tiered black lace skirt. Everyone can probably see my bum right now!
I look around in absolute embarrassment to see if anyone has noticed my predicament, ....well ....as much as I can look around seeing my heads anchored to the rack by my hair!!!!
Looking out from the corner of my eye I see, somehow, my hair has got twisted and tangled around one of the nubs on the rack ..AND another hanger to top it off! Where to even start!?!
I decide to take the hanger my hair is caught on off the other arm of the rack, maybe I can get that out first.. PuffffFFFT!!! I work at it best as I can with my hands full ...then I drop it.. Ahhhhh!!!! That hurt!
UNBELIEVEABLE!!!
So.... now I'm tied by my hair to the arm of the clothes rack , a clothes hanger literally hanging from my hair, purse at my elbow, bent over with my ass showing! Ohhh great! And..... I know you can see down my top too!
What did I do to deserve this!?!
I work at it for about a minute, which seemed like an hour.
I'm FREAKED out now and I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!! So I suck it up, take a deep breath and rip myself from the hanger (son of a ......!!!!!) ..another breath, then the rack....(Ohh J..... Ouch!!!!!) ...but
I'M FREE!!!!!!! ...again.
I go check out with the awesomelicious top and head out the door. As I step off the stoop in front of the store Erie's imfamous winds kick up and start blowing my hair around like a tornado SMACK!! It whips my hair around right into my eyes. I can't see now, everything is blurry with my eyes tearing up ..
Blind and standing in the middle of the crosswalk.. I can hear cars waiting for me... more embarrassment, just what I needed.
I just wont to cry now!!
I make it to my van and sit in the seat crying and going over what has transpired today in disbelief....
I wipe my eyes, put my hair up in a ponytail and head home!!!
Tomorrow has to be better, I hope, and if you see red hair tangled on a clothes rack while your out shopping... It was probably me!
P.S.
To my ES sisters who may be wondering.... Yes... this is the second time I've been attached to a store... literally. =^..^=
