Not sure if I should transition, any girls with advice here?

[Brianna76]

I'm a MWM. I've been married twice to women and honestly I really enjoy sex with women. But I've secretly wanted to be a woman since I was a little boy. I remember being 5 and dressing up in my sisters underwear and praying to God to give me breasts. The funny thing is I've always had natural breasts, (chubby man breasts, but breasts nonetheless). I'm still fascinated by the various reasons that people transition (mainly from MtF, FtM are fascinating too, but a bit of a turn off to me). That just goes to show, I'm attracted to the female form. I've always felt like I loved women so much I wanted to be as close to them as possible so I would dress up in their underwear and inevitably get turned on and masturbate. I've had sex with some transgendered people and the whole time I'm with them I'm wanting to ask about their transition experience. What was the catalyst? What brought you to that point? Did you lose your life as you knew it? Etc. I have an amazing, loving & VERY HOT wife and 3 kids. I don't want to destroy their lives and/or hurt them. My wife is VERY against feminizing me in any way, shape or form. I've asked her to use a strap on with me and she has refused. It makes her ill if I put on her panties. She wants and needs a mans man... I'm afraid I'm not that man sometimes. It's not that I totally hate being a man, but the idea of being a woman all of the time makes my heart skip a beat. Is this just a "grass is always greener" sort of situation? Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance,
Brianna

[KatieCleaves]

Hello Brianna,

      I can totally understand your feelings. I always knew that I wanted to be a girl. Like you it started at a really early age. I believe each of us comes into our own as we advance through life. I used to be in love with women and over the years I have had some wonderful relationships with women. The last woman that I was with knew that I wore girls clothes and she hated it. One day while I was at work she threw every piece of feminine clothing that I owned away, she told me I was a man and I needed to start acting like one. I tried living as a man for her and I was miserable. I learned that I could not hide who I truly am.

       Today I am a very successful woman, I have not had the surgery yet (scheduled for March 3, 2014)  I  am in a wonderful relationship with a loving man who supports me and makes me  truly happy. I spent most of my life worried about how I made others feel so I suppressed myself. I understand that your situation is a little more complicated because you have a family. I honestly believe your first course of action should be to seek the help of a therapist as they can get you pointed in the right direction. I know this might not be what you want to hear but I can tell you if you keep denying who you are it is only going to hurt you both physically and emotionally. I wish you all the best in your journey and hope everything works out for you.



Sincerely,
Katie

[Keira]

I can't really address all of your questions...because I'm not living the same experience that you are (married, three kids etc.).

But...for me it was transition or live the rest of my life as a miserable feminine guy with the body of a gorilla (my genetics predispose me to extreme excess body hair and baldness). Being male (Im in the process of transitioning) also affects my social life a lot...since guys seem to think that I share every single interest they do (sex, alcohol, girls, etc.). So in general...gender dysphoria is part of my main reason...the other part is that I identify more with females (mentally, sexually, emotionally, etc.).

Coming out to my parents was difficult as they are both strongly Christian...and it changed their relationship with me quite a bit, not necessarily in a 100% bad way...but they don't like that I'm transitioning. Overall everything is pretty good so far...

From what I can tell...your wife wouldn't handle it too well...so be prepared for the consequences of telling her (arguments and possibly divorce...although it COULD turn out the opposite).

Also, you should be pretty strong in your gender identity...since you will be questioned and possibly discriminated against by others. It also helps to be sure about your gender identity if you want to get irreversible treatments such as hrt and or srs (or other misc modifications). In that right you may want to see a therapist that has knowledge/experience with transgender people, that would be your first step in transitioning or even just gender questioning (if you are).

Warm wishes on your journey,

-Skye

[Ltl89]

Hey Brianna,

Honestly, only you can answer whether transitioning is right for you.  There are many people who are transgender who don't feel the need to transition or go full time as the gender they identify as.  What matters is that each individual follows their heart. Only you can know what is in your's. 

I will say that I would suggest you try to separate the sexual fantasies from the thought of transitioning.  There is nothing wrong with having fantasies, but you want to make sure that you transitioning is the right path.  There are people who enjoy crossdressing for sexual reasons, but they have no desires other than the thrill.  In your case, it seems you differ from them to some degree but share the arousal factor.  Let me ask you, is the thought of being a woman only present during sexual fantasies?  Do you think about being a woman outside of this?  It seems you do, but I wasn't fully sure.  Once again, there is no shame either way. But the answer to these questions may help you discover more about your feelings and what you want.

If you are confused about what to do but need guidance, it never hurts to speak with a professional about this.  They may help sort your feelings out and help you find your path.

[spacial]

I have an amazing, loving & VERY HOT wife and 3 kids. I don't want to destroy their lives and/or hurt them. My wife is VERY against feminizing me in any way, shape or form.

You seem to have answered your own question.

[Cindy]

This is a very personal opinion and reflects my thoughts only.

Transitioning, whatever that is, is a very personal and ultimately a very selfish thing. I transitioned because I could no longer survive if I did not. Self preservation took over and the choice was ultimately quite simple. I went FT as me or I died.

I'm not talking suicide, or at least not the sudden depressed suicide we associate with 'giving up', it was the slow death of the drunk, the death of whatever soul I had and the death of my existence as a human being.

I could have chosen not to go FT or transitioning. For the Goddess's sake my personal circumstances were and are such that my commitment to my wife are absolute and can never be broken. It was not an easy decision.

I won't go into details but my past and circumstance are public record on this site.

If you cannot face that level of self need, if you are not willing to face the possible sacrifice of all you love and all you live for, then don't do it.

When you cannot continue living without accepting that level of commitment, then that is the time to do so.

We all walk our own paths, none are right and none are wrong. We walk them because they are the paths we walk to live

I regret nothing. I regret not a single tear or a single wail.

I can see the tears and hear the wails.

If I hadn't gone forward I would not be able to hear and see them. I would be dead.

JMO

Cindy

[JoanneB]

I struggled with this question most of my life. Twice in my 20's I experimented with ransitioning, twice stopped opting to try "normal". My dysphoria wasn't overwhelming. The occassional "escape" from being a man helped as did a few other tricks. Also a large part of the decision was being a target. Being a big fat target most of my youth I was not forward to a lifetime of it.

Now in my 50's I am once again struggling. I also lost most of my humanity during those 30 years. Call it what you wish but all I know is how alive, happy, and even passionate my life is when spent living it as Joanne. Some of has even rubbed off in male mode.

I have many good reasons as to why not transition. Not a whole lot of practical, non fuzzy reasons why I should go full time. Feling alive once again is a great feeling.

Some day maybe I'll have an answer