Psychology of HRT

[Maribeth12]

Hello Everybody!

I am trying to figure stuff out in my life so I have not truly found a gender related heading yet, but I am trying to put some feelers out to try to predict the winning side!   

I posted before that my gender disorder is an all out war inside my mind where every masculine thought is countered with a feminine thought and vice versa.  The in fighting has caused me a LOT of anxiety over the years and I am beginning to realize that I would likely be happier as a girl. 

Getting to the point of this post, I would like some insight on the psychological changes of HRT.  Especially the first 6 or so months!  I read a bit on wikipedia but I think I can get the most info from people who have gone through hormones. 

My biggest hope is that my gender warfare will be resolved and I will be united under, hopefully, a feminine flag!  So just add insight when you can!  I have a few months until I can actually start HRT... I having trouble trumping some first impressions that I put on my counselor BEFORE I ended the witch hunt on my feminine desires!  But thats a whole nother rodeo...

As always... Being able to actually express my inner struggles to tons of strangers who share similar struggles... is awesome. 

LOVE,
Maribeth <3

[seanna]

I've read a lot of responses to questions like this -- and many people report a very dramatic change in their mood, clarity, sensory capacity, etc, etc. Well, for me, it has been a lot more subtle. I've been on HRT since 1/1/13, and I'd say that:
1. I'm less depressed. Maybe due to the fact that I feel like I'm 'doing something' more than a biochemical response, but maybe some of both.
2. I'm a little more focused. Not a whole lot, but a little.
3. I'm a little bitchier. Not a whole lot, like 5% bitchier.
4. I feel a little more comfortable, and a little more comfortable expressing my femininity in voice, manners, etc. Maybe because I feel like I have estrogen in my blood, so I'm more certain about subtly letting it show.
5. I check out my chest in the mirror a lot. Ok, that's maybe not what you were asking, but the biggest change I've seen has been breast growth. For a 46-y.o., I wasn't expecting much. But I've had rapid growth, my aerolas have also grown quite a bit bigger and more feminine. So all this stuff makes me feel happier too.

So for me, mentally, not earth-shattering, although I don't feel so terribly depressed all the time. Just somewhat some of the time. So that's an important improvement.

[Anna_81]

I'm only two and half weeks in, but am already a lot happier!!
I seriously can't believe the mental changes it's already having on me.
Before I started HRT, I just did'nt feel like living anymore. I was depressed and moody all the time and just basically not enjoying life, but now, wow what a difference, I am seriously on cloud nine. It just seems like I have a purpose to exist on this planet now and I'm enjoying every day of it. The funny thing is I'm finding myself going back to doing the things I enjoyed doing before puberty, like running, sports & cooking. I actually just baked some cup cakes with my daughter today, and as crazy as it sounds, it was actually quite emotional, as it bought back a lot of memories of when I used to bake as a child and all the positive remarks I would get from my family. My Dad would always say that I had better cooking/baking skills then my three sisters put together, which I actually find even more funnier now that I'm transitioning. I think I will have to remind of him of this next time I see him, as he did'nt seem to think there were any signs of me being transgendered lol.

[Cindy]

Hi Maribeth,

There do seem some common experiences.

It has been awhile since I started so I can't recall everything. There was an immediate placebo effect. I remember that very clearly, vast relief and joy.

Over time I can't quite remember each change but looking at me now, and sorry if some of this seems silly, it is difficult to express clearly.

I no longer have 'male' thoughts. I really don't relate at all to the environment as a guy.  I distinctly remember a point when I realised he had died. I had pangs of regret, because he tried very hard to protect me, and I love him for that. He was a very brave boy.

He has gone; totally. 

There is no mental conflict, there is no confusion, there is no GID, there is just me and I face my day and my time as any other woman does.

I still see a psychiatrist every now and again - due to local law for SRS - but they are very casual visits. I have no issues to discuss with her and she is fine with that.

The biggest change?  I'm happy.   Took me a while to realise what that emotion was. I then realised that I'd never felt it before.

Cindy

[suzifrommd]

I've been on estradiol for 4 months, haven't started Anti-Androgents yet (seeing my doctor tomorrow, so maybe).

Emotionally I haven't noticed anything so far. Most of my changes have been physical.

[Sammy]

I am only on anti-androgens (high dose of spiro) now - hope to start E next week - and so far I guess I mostly got the placebo effects . Yes, I am a little bit calmer and dont angry as quickly as I used to be, but if I am really being pushed then I feel the old habits coming back - though now I do not submit to them but try to look a myself getting angry from the side - it usually helps . I am smiling much more, but I cant really attribute it to AA. I am just as horny as I used to be and I still find this to be annoying .