My biggest fear eats at me

[sally1990]

Ok to start off with my biggest fear is defiantly being in a relationship with a closet gay man who uses me as a gateway somehow. I can't really explain why it runs through my head every time.

The fear has never been intense till tonight , I have been speaking to someone who lives in my area for a little while and he flirts/treats me right. I went through facebook and saw that months ago he was at a gay bar with friends being supportive ect. I should be happy that people are accepting of LGBT ect , I have 2 gay friends myself.  But it honestly just made me feel like not ever speaking to him again.

I've tried understanding this issue for as long as I can remember, maybe inner homophobia? growing up , maybe cause I was raped by 2 men that are so called 'straight", I've had so called straight men being perverted to me as a teenager going through male puberty.

I think this is the 21st century and surely anyone that prefers male characteristics wouldn't need to hide anymore, but that's not always the case , i'm sure this might offend girls who were married with women and interested in guys. I can understand the entire situation of a hateful generation towards LGBT, I can understand that people might of thought it went away ect. I personally thought at times I could be with girls ect and try to do the same but never could do it. Told people I was asexual instead.

I try to think everyone is bi which obviously isn't true but it helps calm my fears. I need to put this behind me , has anyone experienced anything sort of like this? please do not say go to a therapist, because they will only tell me a theory/paper version understanding , which I've tried explaining to myself over and over again.  I need any advice from girls that deal with this type of anxiety or girls that who have been in past marriages and have any advice to give me. I'm sorry if I offended anyone , but I just had to let this stupid thought process be put in the spotlight so I can try to get over it. This and my genital dysphoria are probably the only fears that ever get to me. I would just like for one day to not have to think of any of it , fear just makes me depressed and uneasy alot =(  , my own solution I think maybe could help is just being really open in questions on there sexuality and allowing them to tell me off the bat without any fear or hindrance.

[Cindy]

Well I'm not sure if this helps.

I'm a straight female so my sex partners are straight guys. My boyfriend is a straight guy and yes we did need to talk through stuff as he didn't want a Gay guy girlfriend (sorry for terminology).

Ye complicated. He accepts me as a pre op female and things are fine

I have some very close Gay male friends. They have no sexual interest in me at all as I'm a straight female, I have no sexual interest in them. They are dear friends and I love them, but as dear friends.

One of them does sometimes want/need a woman to accompany him to social events and I'm happy to do so. But we are a friend couple and nothing more.

Does that help?

Cindy

[sally1990]

Helps alot Cindy thank you so much <3

[MaidofOrleans]

Some guys who are attracted to trans woman and identify as straight go to gay clubs to meet trans women.

[Sammy]

If he is truly gay he would not be attracted to transwoman, because he would regard her as female, which is actually a counter-trigger for them. Perhaps, he is a very confused bi instead? A lot of open bi or bi-curious guys are attracted to transwomen, especially, since they do not consider themselves gay and being with a transwoman serves as a certain type of "gate' for them. But I am certainly not an expert in this area

[Theo]

Not sure whether this will help you...But please keep in mind that the biggest lie ever which exists on earth is the so-called "straight guy". Words are nice and sound oh so good. But a man who is interested in another person who also is having a penis is not straight. Point.

As well, there is reason to believe that one big if not the biggest number of homophobic hate-crimes and gay-bashing in general is being committed by gay men in denial. They hate themselves, because they feel deep inside something which is apparently not "good" but "evil" and as such not permitted. This explains your own bad experiences in the past with so-called "straight men". I'm feeling with you, I'm sorry for what happened to you.

Very, very true. Consider that a violence usually commences after the realisation that the person the bashers were attracted to is not in line with their ego's expectations. If society were truly open to most of us being somewhere along a continuum on the Kinsey scale, then a lot of that should simply go away.

In your particular situation, Sally, I would not get too hung up on the standard labels. If he sees you as a woman, then he is gynephilic, which equates to a "straight male", only that it does not necessarily carry the subtext that the other person has to have certain configurations between their legs. Going to a gay bar proves nothing, and can actually indicate quite the opposite, namely that he is confident in his own sexuality and not thrown by seeing people who have different preferences, labelling him significantly more progressive than the bullies out there.

[Ltl89]

Honestly, don't worry so much.  There are plenty of straight men who are attracted to transwomen.  It's just something that isn't said out loud or something others wouldn't seek out in their personal lives.  But that doesn't mean that the guys that do pursue a relationship are gay.  Of course, there are ->-bleeped-<-s out there, so be careful to make sure you are dating someone that's genuine.