Just a sigh

[Taka]

I wish someone would tell me that it's ok to give up some times, that i don't need to be perfect. Too many expectations which i can't live up to hamg over me like a merciless sun, shinimg upon me, trying to force me to grow into someone splendid, but only to dry me out because there is no water left anywhere.

I just want to be happy, succeed at the little things that matter, amd not care too much about all the thing other people think i should be able to do.

Or to explain a little more specifically, i live at my parents' place. Should be something good, but they always expect me to take care of their problems as well as my own, don't offer to look after my daufhter so i can go out and socialize, think i should still be eneegetic enough to listwn to all their complaints after a full day at work, and don't seem to realize that weekends and holidays are the only time i can even try to write assignments for these studies i'm trying to finish. In the end i'm giving up on the laat big paper since they constantly bug me with their own matters instead of trying to help take care of my daughter so i can get the time needed to fulfill these expectations they have of me to do good in school in addition to all the other things that are going on in my life right now.

Just a little tired...

[Brooke777]

I'm sorry for how tired you are, amd the lack of support you are receiving.  I cam sympathize with how you feel. Someday it will get better. It may be a while, so hamg in there and stay stromg.

[Taka]

Thanks. Right now i rather wish i could get permission to be weak for a moment, but i'm sure you didn't mean the superhuman kind of strong when you said that. Do you think it's ok to just take a step back and wait with some of the too many things until i can actually handle it without getting to this point where i secretly wish that the whole world would just end?

[Jamie D]

Hey Taka, you don't have to be "perfect." It is unobtainable.  And the process of living up to others expectations will eventually drive you crazy or break your spirit.

I had similar expectations on me, my whole life.  So, at one point, a blazed my own trail, an stopped worrying about over-achieving, or under-achieving, and instead, trying to find peace of mind.

It is still elusive, but I am on my way.

[Beth Andrea]

Taka, part of what you're talking about is simply the process of growing up.

You have a child. You will rarely get time to socialize...and when you do, you must be grateful to whomever watches your daughter.

You need to set boundaries on yourself, and your time. Baby is first, studies are second, your needs third, and your parents are a distant fourth. Let them know, politely but firmly, that you do not have the time to listen to them right now; you need to (fill in the blank).

Yes, there are times I wish the world would just stop for a moment...but as an adult, I know it won't, so there's no point in wishing it were so.

[Shantel]

Taka....Hugs for you! Give yourself a time out from it all, take a break before you get broken.

[Brooke777]

Thanks. Right now i rather wish i could get permission to be weak for a moment, but i'm sure you didn't mean the superhuman kind of strong when you said that. Do you think it's ok to just take a step back and wait with some of the too many things until i can actually handle it without getting to this point where i secretly wish that the whole world would just end?

Actually, yes, I do mean super human strength.  Parents are suler humans. They need to be in order to raise a child.

I strongly advise you listen to Beth's advice. She is a very smart woman, and gives great advice.

[Taka]

I'm sorry, Beth, but my situation isn't quite that simple. I have a step father here who manages to drop a remark about how useless and pitiful i or another of my siblings is every other time he opens his mouth, and a mother who tells me to be perfect and finds fault in me every time i try asking her for help.

Me growing up hasn't made my parents more easy to deal with, and i'm stuck with them until i can find another place to live in this area.

But i won't talk too much about my parents, i'll just find too many reasons why i should never have even thought about trying to rely on them even in times of need.

[Brooke777]

Parents can be both a help, amd a hinder.  If you are able, you might want to find a new place. You probably won't have any more free time than you do now, but at least you will be your own person.

[Adam (birkin)]

Does the place you are studying at perhaps have a child care centre? If so, you could bring the baby there for a few days a week and use some time to get some studying done. If you're not at home chances are your parents won't hound you down just to be a pain in the butt.

[Taka]

I work full time and kid's in school. I generally only have the time where both of us are at home "free" to study. I'd probably have an eaaier time managing if my parents didn't steal away even more of my time and concentration than my daughter manages to do.