Heya guys-quick story of my life, about me, & askin 4 as many suggestions I can

[ErinAitch]

Hi everyone,

Let me start off by saying, it took me a lot of courage for me to just make a topic here (maybe because I'm paranoid beyond belief!! Thinking someone is going to find out) I apologize in advance if I'm being very secretive about me, it's that I have a reputable name. No, I'm not famous but I have many accomplishments, and I don't want those who look up to me to be disappointed.

Anyways... Please just call me Aitch, I know my account name is ErinAitch. But I'm not Erin yet, hopefully soon... Hopefully

Let me talk a little about my life. As a kid maybe 4 years old, I was a very violent kid, I was always angry and was never really happy, because anything that displeased me would make go bananas. Still today I don't know why I was like that.

When I used to play with my cousins we used to play power rangers, because that's what was normal at the time, and because monkey see monkey do, I liked it. But when nobody was around or my female cousins was watching Sailor Moon, I would watch it too ( I would tease them by saying it was a Girly show and I hate it, just so there was no suspicion). I admired her a lot specially when she was transforming and her nails would sparkle. I wanted to be just like her.

Another thing I used to do was, I'd tell my female cousins that if they put make-up, nail polish and etc. They had to be my slaves for 1 day. Which worked. Lol

Once I came close to puberty I stopped being so violent, but there was always something bugging me, I wasn't really sure what was.

I had a feeling of shaving my legs, and having pretty colorful nails. So I started shaving my legs, painting my nails when my family wasnt around.

As I got older I knew something was wrong with me, I didn't just want smooth legs or pretty nails, I wanted shoes, breast, and I hated my penis, there was time I would crush it with my hand.

I've tried doing many manly things, the good feeling of being a man would stay for a few months then go away. And then I'm back to those urges.

Anyways that's a little about my past.

Now let me write about myself

I am 5'5... Well 5'45"... I know I'm short  but perfect woman height! 
Friends and family always joked about my waist being small - 27 ( that's my size bulked up in protein). No matter how hard I work in the gym I can never make it larger, in the end it's a plus 
I also have small hands and long fingers, smaller than my mom's!!

Overall in think I have a girlish figure, except my upper body, because I've been forcing myself to get more muscular, but i have a small frame, so I just need to change my exercises, ONCE I start HRT, hopefully soon 

I love art, I love drawing, making home models, designing, and etc

Now I ask for your suggestion for the following situation if you would be so kind 

Nobody knows that I am a TG MTF, you guys are the first people I ever mentioned to, my mom has her suspicions. So when I start transitioning the only people I will be telling is my mom, dad, my siblings, and one of my friends. The rest grandpa, grandma, mentor, coach, friends, etc. I will not, like one I disappeared from this world ( some may not agree to this decision, I will miss all of them, but I won't be able to be able to look them in their disappointed eyes or worse, some may accept, but I won't know who, so I cant gamble, not on this).

I want to start hormones as soon as possible, but I still have 2 1/2 years in college, also I am in a personal training school which will end next year. I don't want any suspicion that I am transitioning.
If I start, say, next month, will people be suspicious in these 2 1/2 years?

Also, I have many certificates, diplomas, awards, etc. How would I go about when I'm looking for a job. That requires that I show my diplomas? Since by then I would living full time as a woman ( that felt good to write  hehe), but my diplomas will have a different name 

Who should I tell first about this. My mom or my therapist, I would prefer to talk to the therapist first, then on my last month living with my parents tell them I'M A WOMAN! Byeeeeeeeee. Lol jk.
But on a serious note I don't want to live with them, with them already knowing I'm a TG. I rather just leave it to the last minute and tell them. That's the only way I see myself telling them, because I know there is going to be a lot of emotion involved. Well this one I think I already answered for myself.

And lastly if I go to the therapist, will anyone know I'm a TG? Let me clarify a little. As of right now, my health insurance is on my dad's name through his company. Will he know I went to see a gender therapist, will his boss, or anybody that works for the insurance company that could tell my dad know? And if yes. Will it be too expensive to go in paying out of my own pocket with no insurance?

That's it from me. So I'm expecting 3 1/2 suggestion from each one of you  .

Thanks for reading bye   

[Cindy]

Hello Aitch,

Welcome.
And please read the rules under the announcement area.

To be honest I think you need a bit of a reality check; sorry

Stuff doesn't happen over night and there is very little chance of hiding anything. Fame and fortune don't matter either.
Sorry been there

You have to start to consider what you want out of life. I'm a woman, I'm a Prof. I'm FT I used to pretend to be a man, I had to face a lot to get to where I am. I was very successful at it and you can be too.

Who to tell first, well why not the people who love you? Seems a good place to start, you may need their love.

Therapists guide you and help you understand yourself in this process. They don't do a lot, they make you face yourself. Well the good ones do.

Being female isn't a magic bullet. I have to work, deal with people, do stuff, every day is a day. I have to feed myself wash my clothes, work.
I have friends, lots of them, and they only appeared when Cindy did.

It is not an easy process.

There is little chance of going back.

The choice is simple really for trans* woman. Are you female or not?

There is no right answer.

There is only your answer.

Hugs and Welcome

Cindy

[Devlyn]

Hi Aitch, welcome to Susan's Place! I know about the fame, my fried chicken is nearly world renowned!  Three and a half suggestions, huh? Be yourself. Respect others. Show kindness, and never forget to........

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Aitch,

Welcome to our little family. Over 11296. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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Janet  )O(

[Jamie D]

Aitch (H?) - welcome from sunny southern California.

Let me address one of your concerns.  Even if you are a minor, you conversations with a therapist are privileged and confidential.  There are many reasons why a young person would want to see a therapist, depression, relationships, family problems, stress, sexuality, etc.

In my experience, there exists no billing code for "gender therapy," so that should not be a problem.  You say you are in college.  When I was a similar age, and in a similar position as you are in today (sometime toward the end of the last Ice Age), I was able to see a psychiatrist on campus through student health services.  You might want to enquire as to whether that option s open to you.

Otherwise, I endorse what Cindy said.  This is not something that you can easily hide, if your goal is a full transition.  Therapy, learning about yourself, is something I highly recommend.

[ErinAitch]

Hey guys thanks for the post.

Yes Jamie it is H  I didn't know someone was going to get it 

Anyways I'd like to apologize if I'm asking waaaay too many question, I'm usually the kind of person that never ask, just gets done. But I can be a pain in the rear when I'm desperate 

So the 3 questions I was asking earlier ( sorry if my literacy sucks  ) was:

I want to start my transition in secrecy, with only the person(s) that will provide me the medication knowing. I have about 2 1/2 years left in college, nobody must know about my transition.

Question 1: if I start hormones now, will the effect of it be visible, physically and mentally? That people might start to wonder? (by the way I am or will be turning 25 this year  )(sorry for the secrecy, I'm paranoid to the 10th power)

***I am willing to cut or shave my hair, and wrap my future hormone boobs tightly to work and school. Also I can act tough when I need to 


I have and will have many certificates, awards, and diplomas. Like bartender, personal training, CPR AED, and previous special skills ( can't say it)

Question 2: what would happen if I need to show my certificate when searching for jobs, the certificate will have my birth name, while I will have a female name. Or something even bigger a master's degree?


As of right now, I am on my dads company health insurance, I know I'm a bit old to be in his insurance but I just got ......... Anyways.

Question 3 would he know that I've going to the therapist? Is there anyway he might know? Like by checking a receipt, or checking the insurance's history?

Done with questions!! 

But anyways, if it's possible for me to go unnoticed for the next 2 1/2 years, I will do it! Then as soon as I finish college I will move back to my house that I own, also I have 2 types of income so I will be ok. And as for the job, I think I would be ok if they knew I was a transgender, as long as they didn't know who I was before.

Thanks for reading 

[Cindy]

Hey guys thanks for the post.

Yes Jamie it is H  I didn't know someone was going to get it 

Anyways I'd like to apologize if I'm asking waaaay too many question, I'm usually the kind of person that never ask, just gets done. But I can be a pain in the rear when I'm desperate 

So the 3 questions I was asking earlier ( sorry if my literacy sucks  ) was:

I want to start my transition in secrecy, with only the person(s) that will provide me the medication knowing. I have about 2 1/2 years left in college, nobody must know about my transition.

Question 1: if I start hormones now, will the effect of it be visible, physically and mentally? That people might start to wonder? (by the way I am or will be turning 25 this year  )(sorry for the secrecy, I'm paranoid to the 10th power)
Yes, you will start to develop breasts within  months and you skin will change and fat distribution will change. You will be sterile within 3-6 months and probably unable to obtain and maintain an erection within a short time. These time lines vary between individuals. I had quite profound emotional and mental changes quite quickly - within 6 months or so. Binding new boobs is not a good idea.  Depending on how and who is prescribing hormones you may find that a physician/therapist will not recommend HRT unless you are going to live as female, this varies from place to place however. It is called the real life experience (RLE) and again it varies with the place and the medics looking after you. To be a little blunt, unless you want to live as a female and be a normal woman in society, going on HRT is a bad idea in my opinion, and  good therapists will question your ability to deal with the changes you will go through.

***I am willing to cut or shave my hair, and wrap my future hormone boobs tightly to work and school. Also I can act tough when I need to 


I have and will have many certificates, awards, and diplomas. Like bartender, personal training, CPR AED, and previous special skills ( can't say it)

Question 2: what would happen if I need to show my certificate when searching for jobs, the certificate will have my birth name, while I will have a female name. Or something even bigger a master's degree?
Your legal name change certificate links you legally to your previous name documents, at least in Australia (where I am)


As of right now, I am on my dads company health insurance, I know I'm a bit old to be in his insurance but I just got ......... Anyways.

Question 3 would he know that I've going to the therapist? Is there anyway he might know? Like by checking a receipt, or checking the insurance's history?

I'm not familiar with the USA insurance stuff so no answer.

Done with questions!! 

But anyways, if it's possible for me to go unnoticed for the next 2 1/2 years, I will do it! Then as soon as I finish college I will move back to my house that I own, also I have 2 types of income so I will be ok. And as for the job, I think I would be ok if they knew I was a transgender, as long as they didn't know who I was before.

Living in stealth does happen but it is difficult, be prepared that your past may resurface.

Thanks for reading 

[Jamie D]

I concur with Cindy's assessment.

Back to insurance.  I am on one of the largest PPO plans in the United States.  Every time there is a claim made on the insurance for billing purposes, a copy of the service is sent to my address, noting the service provider and the service code(s) - be it a therapy session, office visit, labwork, hospitalization, etc.

[ErinAitch]

Yes, you will start to develop breasts within  months and you skin will change and fat distribution will change. You will be sterile within 3-6 months and probably unable to obtain and maintain an erection within a short time. These time lines vary between individuals. I had quite profound emotional and mental changes quite quickly - within 6 months or so. Binding new boobs is not a good idea.  Depending on how and who is prescribing hormones you may find that a physician/therapist will not recommend HRT unless you are going to live as female, this varies from place to place however. It is called the real life experience (RLE) and again it varies with the place and the medics looking after you. To be a little blunt, unless you want to live as a female and be a normal woman in society, going on HRT is a bad idea in my opinion, and  good therapists will question your ability to deal with the changes you will go through.

Hello Cindy thanks for reply.
Of course I want to live as a woman, what I meant was, going through hrt for these 2 1/2 years but living as a guy so nobody know what's going, then as soon as I graduate, move back to my house, and start living as a full time woman, because by then I'd have be on hormones for over 2 years, as for voice, I've been practicing for a while, mostly singing. People usually say my voice is unique and soft. Personally I hate my voice every time I hear myself recorded I just think ew... Do I sound that ugly ahhaahha. I do plan later on getting a voice coach, because I want to sound like a harp lol
And make-up, I've tried putting on, it was horrible!!!  . But that was before I checked YouTube. I'm pretty artistic, so make-up should be like painting, except on my face.

One thing that will worry me is my gestures, that's one thing I can't train, but hopefully it will gradually get more feminine.

Wow! Just by posting my issue (GID) I feel like 1000 pounds lighter. Like everything will turn out O.K. 

Thanks for reading! Sorry if it's a bit colorful. I love colors

[Cindy]

Ahh check your colours so we can read them

I would think that during that length of time on HT that you would not have a snowballs chance in hell of hiding the changes!!

I can't pass as a guy. Not that I try, but I was an obvious looking guy before I started.