Feeling Isolated and Lacking Confidence

[SI3]

I was wondering how many guys feel their confidence go down in some ways after hrt?

In some ways I'm more confident (everyday activities, talking to people, going out, etc.)

However I used to feel more attractive to other people while I was presenting as a butch lesbian, I used to get all kinds of attention from lesbians, gay guys, straight girls, pretty much everyone. I feel less confident being a 5 foot 5 and a half guy in average shape with no penis than being a good looking butch lesbian. This confidence has also been shot with the recent breakup in which my ex said "I still find you somewhat attractive after hormones, but don't know if I will after you're on it longer." She used to still sleep with me but as time goes on and I'm on testosterone longer she won't even kiss me anymore and it just kind of makes me feel bad. What set this off recently was we were downtown together, she was rollerblading which made her look a couple inches taller and was holding onto my arm for support so we looked like we were together and this guy yells at her "what are you doing with him, you're beautiful." I know I shouldn't care but lately I just feel like a disgusting freak who's never going to be attractive/normal and I just think I'm gross. I just feel like if I'm disgusted with myself how would anyone find me attractive.








Edited for profanity

[Jamie D]

You know, that is the risk we all run when we change our bodies.  Though we hope our significant others recognize that the "person inside" is still there, we also know our SO's may not be physically attracted to us anymore.

[Mr.X]

I think I can relate in a way. When I was still in girly mode, guys seemed to love me for being a butch gamer girl. No girly girl crap that most of them seemed to detest, just a nice girl who liked to do boy stuff! It's a risk to become 'just one of the guys', and a short guy at that. Its even harder because you don't know what the result in the end will look like.

But you have to ask yourself. Were you really happy like that? Because the people liked you for being a girl. When I think about that, it completely dimishes the appeal. Sure, it was nice to be appreciated, but it is not nice to be appreciated just because you're a girl. We're not girls. We're guys.

So, all I can say, hang in there. It'll be worth it. And that guy...well, it sounds like his shoesize outmatches his IQ. Why else would someone be inconsiderate enough to yell that to a stranger? Jelly much? I bet he was!

[Simon]

There are plenty of small men in the world and there are plenty of women who love those small men.

Don't let other people form how you think about yourself. If your ex makes you feel bad then maybe she's your ex for a good reason.  She is a lesbian...OF COURSE she isn't going to be attracted to you the longer you're on T because now you now outwardly appear male. Lesbians aren't attracted to men.

Transition is a crapshoot. I've seen mediocre looking guys get on T and look great. I've seen gorgeous guys get on T and look not so great afterwards. Transition throws us back into puberty. Puberty isn't a great time for most people so give yourself time to fully mature physically on T.

[randomroads]

Sure, it was nice to be appreciated, but it is not nice to be appreciated just because you're a girl. We're not girls. We're guys.

I felt like this for years. I was a beautiful girl with a great body who was also really awesome and loved guy stuff. They could be rowdy with me, drink with me, but in the end I was still 'that cool chick' they knew. If I had been born a guy I wouldn't have gotten as much attention from them.

I told my husband that I might get an increase in libido and now that's all he talks about. I don't feel horny around him because he's irritating me by talking about how horny I should be 'since you're a guy'. I think I'm having the reverse reaction. My SO is becoming less attractive as I gain attractiveness!

[heartlesstruths]

Yes.

I feel like men are more like competition now than equals (for some reason I seem to have always grouped people by gender and the one you belong to in a social group is your "competition"...lol) so this is the opposite of how it used to be.

It also kind of drains my confidence because I think I socialized with women more growing up because it made me feel more "male", so there is still that factor even after T of feeling like being trans makes me "less male" (because everyone I'm interacting with is taller than me, or making penis jokes, or for whatever other dumb reasons) with girls I still have some sort of confidence boost from feeling like I'm not like them, even though I'm spending time with them lol. I also find it harder to actually develop a friendship with guys so that kind of makes me dysphoric (in more of a social sense), and yeah, I've felt isolated quite often lately.

[desperate believer]

I'm only 4'10 and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to afford top surgery. What girl wants to be with a guy less than five feet tall who has breast and no penis? I can relate to your lack of confidence. However, I remind myself that not everyone out there wants/needs a "normal" guy. I also remind myself that if someone really likes me personally then they won't care so much about my body. If they fall in love with me then they'll find my body beautiful even. In a way I'm glad that I'm at odds because it will show me who really cares for me as a friend or otherwise. ~hope

[Jared]

I get your point, but think about it. You're yourself now. I could never really enjoy the compliments or the good side of presenting female cause it wasn't me. I have harder times now, everyone of us knows transitioning isn't easy but I don't feel the pressure of being someone I'm not.

[randomroads]

What girl wants to be with a guy less than five feet tall

There's a calender and photo book of horse jockeys that women fawn over all the time. Believe me... shorter men have a niche!

[desperate believer]

Thanks Randomroads  ~hope