Hello and cold greetings from the black pitch of hell that I call home. Or as you would call it, Sweden!
My name is Matt.
With no local social network (that I know of) I turn to the internet and eventually found this site. I'm a shy, pathetic little thing with anti-social tendencies and difficulties expressing myself to other people, even when I'm sitting curled up and hiding behind the screen of my piece of crap laptop.
I'm an FtM and have been working on changing my gender ever since I cleared some things out, which would have been about this time in 2010 I think it was. It feels longer, but it might be because I've been a misfit ever since I started fifth grade (in Sweden we start school at 7, so I would have been 10-11) and was completely shut out by every other damn kid in school.
And then of course the pesky thing called puberty arrived, making me a miserable wreck with suicidal tendencies adding upon my anti-social tendencies. Or maybe they arrived at the same time?
Anyway, working my way through depression, borderline and trying not to kill myself I finally arrived at the station where everything were clear and by then, since I had just been cast out from Child Psychiatry (BUP in Sweden) I talked to my lovely Grown-Up Psychologist (is it really fair calling a 18 year old a grown-up? I sure didn't feel like it at the time...) and we started to arrange with me getting an appointment with one of the few units that handle transsexual matters here in Sweden.
And after some agonising months I finally got to talk to the psychiatrist in the closest city that had that help, and the first meeting left me in absolute horror and tears.
But things did progress from there and today, about two-three years later, things are starting to turn around. I've gotten the pesky lumps on my chest removed, they were far too big for me to wrap up, my chest wouldn't have looked flat even from far, and I've started the T-treatment.
It was actually while searching on 'Nebido' that I came upon this place and decided that I would give it a try, hopefully finding people that can actually understand what I feel like and what I'm going through.
My parents are really supportive, but they have no idea what I'm going through and can only do so much...
Okay, now I've been rambling pretty much, I don't know if I lost the objective with this introduction or nor, something I just let things go and it turns into a brick wall of text ^^'''
Anyway, greetings and all that *stands with open arms, waiting for hugs*
~ Matt
