First of all I apologies for this being my first post but in my situation I cannot find help. I live in a small rugged town and the therapists have looked at me like I was an alien. Nothing mainstream will help. I have tried googling things.
Anyway I am a cisgen female (that loves male female and every spirit inbetween) who 9 years ago fell in love with a male to female. I was 18 she was 47. Fast forward to today 9 years later with two kids. Wait, just a second, back up two years to our 7th year together I was 25 and my sex drive was rocketing. Hers was just the opposite, and it was causing a gulf. So, I asked if I could see a guy friend once a week. She said it was okay, and with a few bumps it was okay for two years. This guy has had major depression bouts and we were having some troubles so we decided to cut it for now.
The issue that is bothering me most is this. I have been put down for my sex drive by my wife repeatedly. She says things to me like: Its unspiritual. I have two kids I need to cut it. I have childhood issues, which I do, but does it need to get thrown up in my face. Anytime a fight has come up she throws the boyfriend in my face. It is letting me eat cake and then calling me fat. I still see that she is satisfied with what makes her happy 3 min twice a month if I am lucky. Does she want to do awesome lesbian stuff or anything else to make up for it, no. I would be fine without penetration but there is no touching at all. I am to the point of feeling ashamed, crying a lot, and wanting to find something that will kill my libido. I don't want to destroy my marriage over this.
