Now what??

[Maribeth12]

    

Okay ... what happens when you dig deep enough into yourself and finally decided that you want to transition??

I think I have made it through to the point where I can say with 96% certainty that I want to transition into being a girl ... but how do I begin to bring that realization forth to the point where its not in my head but actually happening?

I have been talking to a therapist and he is not convinced and thinks I am not convinced but maybe in the past few sessions have been unconvinced and maybe a little uncomfortable about sounding convinced because I been ingrained with the thoughts that being a male and thinking about being a female is bad sooo... yeah 

How do I go about actually making my mental reality my reality?  Any suggestions for articulating inner feelings to counselors? 

As always... hugs from
Maribeth <3

[snowboarderchic]

That's a question only you can really answer. I don't know your current situation, but have you gone out into the world dressed as a girl?  That would be the starting point. IMO this is why the real life test is an important step. It really gives you a chance to reflect. Transitioning is a tough road. At first (at least for me), it was kind of awkward trying to find the right look, getting my style right, make up ect. Then you add in HRT and your physical appearance changes. Add in the response from those around you and dealing with stupid people who talk a lot of crap, it gets really emotionally challenging at times. It's not all bad though, I'm def a lot stronger woman having gone through all of that.

 

[Ltl89]

I am going to second kyh's thoughts and suggest you look at another therapist if you feel uncomfortable with your current one.  Judging from what you wrote, it seems your therapist doesn't seem convinced about who you are.  Have you expressed to him how confident you feel about your identity and your decision to move forward with transitioning?  If so, how did he respond? 

[awilliams124]

Yes, change your therapist. Find someone that won't challenge you or push you.........and watch that 96% stay where it is, or even start to fall.

Or, alternatively, ask yourself or better yet your therapist why he has doubts and then convince him he's wrong. In doing so you can't help but look even deeper inside yourself and perhaps, if she's there,  find the woman you've been all along.

I wish you luck on your journey.

[StellaB]

I'm another one who thinks you need a new therapist.

I'm of the opinion that you never need to get into any conflict situation with a doctor or therapist. They give you their professional opinion, and you decide whether you accept it or reject it.

Having the opinion of more than one therapist or doctor can be beneficial, especially at the start of your transition.

[Elle16]

It's not even a question : CHANGE your therapist now - finding someone who understands the difficulties and hardships your going to face is the best thing for you right now. Get someone your comfortable with, someone who knows what they are doing and will listen to you openly at all times, without judging you.

A few years ago I went to my doctor with issues about my work, of course it wasn't really about being unhappy at work at all - it was all down to my trans issues and I couldn't even tell her that! Some people you can speak to openly and honestly - others you just cannot! My current councellor is fanastic - I can talk about how I'm feeling, things from the past that have added up to my feelings of being a girl always inside and how my family are coping with things.

It's harder for me because I tried to be alot of different pople - fitting into blocks where I thought I should be... only to end up depressed and unhappy. These last few weeks dressing and looking like the girl I've always wanted too have really helped me realise I want to transition now, not later.

The real life test is important - I'm currently living full time, it can be hard especially with the looks I get. But then I just think well there's no way that person looking at me is perfect - maybe they drink, or smoke or gamble or whatever ?

I just tell myself I need to be happy in who I am and that's the most important thing at the moment

Wishing you luck xx

[kyh]

The real life test is important - I'm currently living full time, it can be hard especially with the looks I get. But then I just think well there's no way that person looking at me is perfect - maybe they drink, or smoke or gamble or whatever ?

I just tell myself I need to be happy in who I am and that's the most important thing at the moment

That's a good attitude to have, and I applaud your courage.

[Maribeth12]

Hmmm... I think I will stick with my counselor for now because I have been sending many emails and such and he wants to meet this wednesday and talk about them.  I am still pretty much convinced that transitioning will make my life 900 times better so even if I have to take a few appointments to change his focus then it is an acceptable risk because my position of pre transition will only get more secure given the past few months exponential jump. 

I think we do have a decent connection and therefore communication but its important for him to know that I, as I further convince and accept the myself as a MTF transgender that, my since of self and self acceptance has bolstered from intermittent suicidal thoughts to invigorated sense of purpose in life and happiness that I alone can discover my path. 

So basically, if he changes his focus from past to future in the present future than I think we are not broken just bent 

I, however, have my annual check up coming up and when I tell my doctor of know about my desire to be a girl then maybe he can point me into a more specialized counselor.  He has done a decent job so far in choosing someone for me to talk to since he recommended my current counselor who has helped me tackle some big not "gender" anxieties. 

Of course I will keep all your advice in mind about changing therapists... but come to think of it, it might be a bad idea since in a few months I will need to find someone else to talk to since I am relocating to a new location (College! hoorah!) and I probably will use the university counseling services to point me in the right direction.

My goal at present is to basically have the ability to be "myself" first thing when I go to college and meet new people so I don't get cemented into a holding pattern like I have been in highschool. 

I will post back, probably on this thread after Wednesday, to let you guys know how my session went in terms of progress and in the mean time I look forward to cross dressing in more so I am used to the feel of the clothing when I, hopefully in the near future, delete the "cross" from cross dressing 

Plus I just love the tightness of bras on my chest!!!

Thanks for your support! Its like Christmas everyday now that I can bring my hopes and dreams from the confines of mind and into light and into my life!!!

Love Maribeth! <3