So, well...

[muuu]

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[Ltl89]

I'm sorry that you are feeling down.  I can't comment on anything in particular, as I'm not sure what you're alluding to, but we all make mistakes.  It's best not to be too hard on yourself.  There is always a way to improve our situation.

If you don't mind me asking, what is the mistake?  Is it a relationship?  Are you referring to your transition?  Or is it something else?

[muuu]

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[Ltl89]

Is there a particular reason that you regret your transition?  Having read what you wrote it appears that you're upset that your alone.  Loneliness is common for everyone to face, but it can be even harder for us.  So, I can understand.  However, keep in mind that your loneliness is separate to your transition.  There is a lot of people to meet in this world who can accept us for who we are.  Imagine if you continued without a transition.  Do you think you would have been happier than you are now?   I can't answer that for you, but I know many would say the struggles of transitioning are worth it.  Yet, transitioning is very tough and is not for everyone.  Remember, it's never too late to live the way you want.   

[muuu]

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[Rachel]

I am sorry you are down, hugs.

I am 2 days away from HRT at age 50. I am excited and yet have a feeling it is too late also I am 6'2". So I have doubts and a lot of anxiety. What would you have done differently?

[muuu]

.

[kyh]

If you believe it's too late, that you can't change, then it is too late, and you can't change. The mind is a powerful tool, and capable of giving us the determination to turn around situations that are seemingly impossible to fix.

[cris]

I am new to this board and was just reading about a t-girl's depression and regrets about the past and wow I sure can relate as a 41 year old who is really trying to deal with this stuff in my life. If I could say that there is a silver-lining in your cloud, honey your not alone. We are all struggling with being transgender and as long as you are the young and beautiful girl-person on the inside you will always be a true human girl no matter what. the rest of the physical is of course an issue but what else can be do but be girls the best that we can. I want you to know I was on the computer looking for help because I had that feeling of just wanting to die because of this male body but reading your own stress, made me me see its normal feeling, so please try to keep believing in your right to be happy you deserve to be, we all do. Yea, I look at it this way I've seen plenty of genetic born female who aren't very attractive or feminine in any way. I hope that didn't sound mean because I'm trying to say is like gender is on a slope and we can still work it GIRL!!!! SMILE Cris   

[Beth Andrea]

I'm 48, and have no regrets. Didn't even know about transsexuality until about 2 years ago. Do I have regrets? Nope, can't since I wasn't presented with the choice.

If I had, and chose to not transition until 10 years later...would I have regrets? No, still no...can't change the past, no sense in beating myself up for it. Learn from it, and press on into the future--one that you WILL be happy in 10 years.

Think, "What would make me happy in 10 years? How about 5 years? How about tomorrow?" Find something that will cheer you up, something that you can do, and make better...and work on that.

One step at a time, one day at a time...

*hugs*

[Jamie D]

So, I've realized, I'm actually quite alone. Though, I also have to be alone, so I guess it's no surprise.
I've really screwed up, and there's nobody I could blame, I did all of this to myself. Now it's too late to fix it, 10 years too late, had I just been a bit smarter back then.

Yeah... Not much of a point with this thread. Maybe it'll be a regret thread then.

It's never too late.  Because of my health conditions, I will likely never reach the point in transition I'd like to be.  And I have no support from family or friends I.R.L.  I can't even get prescribed HRT anymore.

So, I just try to be the best person I can be, as much on the outside as I feel on the inside.  No one would really mistake me for a woman if they saw me, but I know there is one in there, who enjoys her freedom, from time to time.

But if I had the opportunity, even in my 50's, I would like to pursue it.  It is never too late, to be the best "you,"  you can be.   

[Darkie]

Please don't be discouraged.  Sure, there are going to be the people who will be sticks-in-the-mud and not see you for who you are, but if you truly let your light shine, those things don't matter.  Your heart is what matters.  If you believe you are a female truly in your heart, that will show.  People will feel it when they see you.  It won't matter if you don't look completely cis or not.  Your heart and pride in who you are is all they will see.  Looks are just looks. Even the most society-considered beautiful cis woman won't necessarily always be beautiful.  Physical beauty fades on everyone.  But love in yourself and life and pride in who you are will always stay.  There are some women I have seen that have been ravenged by cancer.  Skinny, bald, but their love of life and pride in the fact that they beat it causes them to be absolutely beautiful.  There is nothing more beautiful in the world than confidence.  Sorry if I rambled or if that didn't make sense..

[Joanna Dark]

It's never too late.  Because of my health conditions, I will likely never reach the point in transition I'd like to be.  And I have no support from family or friends I.R.L.  I can't even get prescribed HRT anymore.

So, I just try to be the best person I can be, as much on the outside as I feel on the inside.  No one would really mistake me for a woman if they saw me, but I know there is one in there, who enjoys her freedom, from time to time.

But if I had the opportunity, even in my 50's, I would like to pursue it.  It is never too late, to be the best "you,"  you can be.   

This is such a great attitude and I see you as a woman Jamie and I see you as an awesome person!

You would do well to take her advice iiii. Plus you're so young but I don't want to diminish your problems either just because you are young. Plus I'm not really that much older lol

You are really smart iii and you are a honest person so I think you should give yourself some credit

[suzifrommd]

I can relate to the loneliness. There's been kind of an exodus of supportive people from my life since I started my transition.

It doesn't matter anymore though, can't really change anything now :/

There's a lot you can change. There are a lot of wonderful people out there. All you need to do is meet them.

[Nero]

If you believe it's too late, that you can't change, then it is too late, and you can't change. The mind is a powerful tool, and capable of giving us the determination to turn around situations that are seemingly impossible to fix.

This.

OP, I have a lot of regrets like that. Seems like for everything in my past there's a 'if only I'd known', 'if only I'd done it sooner/differently/more thoroughly' for everything.
But even if you could go back and change whatever it is, it wouldn't be enough. Then, you'd just be focused on something else, some other imperfect aspect of transition or your life in general. I know how hard it is to forgive yourself. But remember that you did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

I'm guessing you're talking about imperfect results because you didn't transition at a certain age or something? Well, what if you did everything 'right' and more dramatically and quickly and all that - and still had the same situation? Or what if you were cis and had these issues/features or whatever?

[StellaB]

'Empty spaces, what are we living for?
Abandoned places, I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?'
Queen, 'The show must go on'

In a couple of months I turn 47 and I'm mid transition. My transition is on hold right now as I have suspected ARF (acute renal failure), gout, and last week I was diagnosed with early diabetes. I also have gout and am overweight. The kidney damage comes from a phase of drug abuse when I was younger and also an overdose of antibiotics which saved my life and brought me back from clinical death in 1997 from double pneumonia.

Depending on how things turn out I might make it to my mid-seventies and if I do I will outlive every member of my family for three or four generations. Then again I might not get very far in my fifties.

Not that it matters because I'm here, I'm living and breathing, I'm full time and even though the remainder of my 'family' is on the other side of the Atlantic and I don't have a partner I have what's important, I'm living my life openly as a woman and accepted by a small bunch of wonderful people as such.

What's more I've got back my artistic work, I'm working to create a Fringe theatre and working with actors who tell me they enjoy working with me. I've also expanded into independent film making and even though I have difficult days when the pain from the gout kicks in or my kidneys are on strike and it's hard to concentrate I give it my best shot.

Freddie Mercury says it all about my attitude in this song..



'The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on...'
Queen

[Ltl89]

I understand your pain and I'm sorry you feel this way.  I wish things could be better for you.  Please remember though, if you don't regret transitioning things could have been much worse.  I look at myself in the mirror everyday and cry because I'm still pre everything.  While I might not magically improve by transitioning, I would be happier to live as myself.  You likely feel the same. 

I'm sure you don't look as bad as you feel.  And if you are to examine your mindset and develop confidence in yourself, you can start to feel better and improve your situation.  I know it sounds like I'm just saying that, but I truly believe our minds hold the key to self improvement. I wish that I could be more help.  I really hope you will feel better and become happy with yourself in time.

[muuu]

.

[Nicolette]

We all have deformed bodies. We all regret not transitioning earlier. It's mind-blowingly rare for any of us to have transitioned exactly when we would have liked to. Somehow, we have to pick up the pieces and find the strength to carry on and try to be the best we can be despite all the shortcomings. It's what makes us human, it's the reason why our species is so resilient and why any of us are here today.

Anyway, I've seen your photo. You have great potential, as I've already said as many of us have said. Don't throw it away. Give it a chance.

How's the exercise going and did you manage to get your id card done?

[Rachel]

Regret, you have a feeling of loss for not transitioning earlier. You feel like a female and look like a male. You feel hopeless to transition and not be 100% passable. You are aging and are not true to yourself.

Me too.

HRT tomorrow, scared, excited, I am being true to "my self", I have hope. In time, I may increase dose, decrease dose, keep the dose as it will be or stop but this is my choice this time. I am doing something about the regret, remorse, feelings of being a female and expressing who I feel I am. I am making something positive out of this. I am reading about it, seeing a gender therapist and experiencing what I always wanted. I told those who make a difference in my life. I am making something positive of my feeling I am female and have testies. In the end I have to live with me. I make the choice. I am strong enough to face who I am, survive and grow.