Stereotypical "male" hobbies/traits and naysayers.

[kyh]

Because other people see what they want to see. I dropped a million hints between ages 4 and 12 hoping somebody would get a clue. They all that it was a "phase".

"Phases" don't last 8 years.

So true! xD

[Anatta]

I have been working on a coming our letter and have been trying to explain every little detail about my past.  While I would say I am fairly feminine and know that my family detects that as well, there are some "masculine" interests that I feel I would have to explain.  They are kind of silly, but it makes me sad that people might question my identity because of them. The two things that concern me are my love for music and video games.  Growing up I always was listening to music and particularly loved metal.  Most of my child hood was spent alone in my room learning how to play songs and master the guitar.  I always was playing guitar or writing something. In addition to that, I always loved playing video games.  I know these activities are associated with boys and it bothers me that people will probably see me as male because of this.  But, these activities were a big part of my childhood.  I was always very shy and had difficulties socializing with others as myself because of obvious reasons.  Therefore, I always found refuge in these sort of solitary activities.  However, I know people will deem them as masculine and maybe deny my identity because of it.  I fear I will get " oh women don't listen to Ozzy and play metal, if you were really a girl you would have learned how to play Madonna songs".  I can't help that I have a wide taste in music and that metal and progressive rock are my favourite genres. 

Did anyone have concerns about having their identity being rejected because of interests,hobbies or something in their past?  Or am I the only one that has this fear?

Kia Ora Learningtolive,

You should do a poll for both M2Fs and F2Ms, on who likes to play video game and listen to heavy metal...

I listen to all kinds of music, always have done, but I'm not into playing video games, but then that's just me and my interests...

Metta Zenda

[MaidofOrleans]

Not every girl has to be girly girly and not every guy has to be super macho tough. My interests are across a variety of the spectrum, both masculine and feminine. I could care less if people don't like it.

I love what I love.

[Tristan]

Not every girl has to be girly girly and not every guy has to be super macho tough. My interests are across a variety of the spectrum, both masculine and feminine. I could care less if people don't like it.

I love what I love.

You said it well. Just be yourself. There is no right way to be a guy or a girl. Just be yourself and happy
Just keep swimming

[Ltl89]

Thanks everyone.  I'm just panicking a bit because I'm coming out and starting hormones fairly soon.  My therapist wants me to bring in a coming out letter next session and it all clicked that I will shortly be exposed to everyone around me for real.  With my disclosure being so near in the future, I keep getting scared about being labelled delusional or always being thought of as male.  I want to be accepted as female and need people to realize this is who I am.  I have spent my whole life afraid of being myself out of fear of rejection and societal backlash. Now that I'm finally moving forward, I know that I'm going to have to face naysayers, deniers, and rejection.   So, I feel the need to explain every single little detail about me.  Still, you are right.  It's stupid to worry about little things and we all have diverse interests regardless of gender.  Besides, if the most masculine things about me is that I like to play guitar, listen to metal, and play video games, than maybe there isn't much to worry about.  God, I just hope coming out will be easy and everyone can accept me as a girl.  It's my biggest fear that I will never be accepted as a female by anyone and will be seen as a guy forever.  But I need to overcome these fears and just keep moving ahead. 

[Jamie D]

I'm going to be bad note in this topic.  Male hobbies and traits.  Female hobbies and traits.  I don't think they exist in a state of nature.  I believe they are social constructs and result from modeling encouraged by adults.  There may exist behavioral attributes, perhaps instinctive, but I do not see any trait or hobbies that are indicative of gender.  It is a blur.

I guess I am the naysayer in the title of the topic.

[Northern Jane]

I had one interest from early childhood that was almost exclusively masculine. It was hot, dirty, and heavy work and rather uncommon - maintaining and operating steam engines. When I transitioned almost 40 years ago, I gave it up - I really DON'T like being hot and dirty - but after almost 20 years I really missed it. I also realized I have skills and knowledge that were becoming very rare so I ventured back into my unusual hobby. Oh, it raised a few eyebrows at first but I found others in the pursuit were very accepting, like they thought it was "cute" having a girl running an engine.

After a few years one of the very senior gentleman came up to me  (on a steam engine) and said "I always thought this was a very manly activity but watching you for the last while and the way you handle an engine I have to say that you certainly bring a feminine side to it. I am impressed!"

When you become yourself, you take YOURSELF into whatever you do and you make that activity your own. You take your own unique character into it and your touch will change the perception of your passions.

[Seyranna]

This is such an irrational and unjustified fear. However common.

[Ltl89]

I'm going to be bad note in this topic.  Male hobbies and traits.  Female hobbies and traits.  I don't think they exist in a state of nature.  I believe they are social constructs and result from modeling encouraged by adults.  There may exist behavioral attributes, perhaps instinctive, but I do not see any trait or hobbies that are indicative of gender.  It is a blur.

I guess I am the naysayer in the title of the topic.

Actually, I quite agree with you.  What you said is completely reasonable.  The naysayers I refer to are those who deny your gender identity  because of perceived masculine interests.  Those who say you can't be female because....  You don't fit into that description.

I'm realizing it is a stupid fear and I don't really have to worry about justifying every aspect of myself or all my interests just because I'm trans.  I just don't want people to see me as a guy forever and can't help but feel like I will be doomed forever to be viewed as one.  While little things like this are stupid, I can't help but get scared about any possibility of me getting rejected and not being accepted as a female.

[big kim]

I get told I'm not trans enough because I go to the punk festival,like punk/rock/metal/muscle cars and classic cars and bikes and can shoot pool.I don't care I'm OK being me.

[kariann330]

I can relate too, i love nu metal, i love muscle cars (i want another Mustang or a GTO) i love working on cars, and i can outshoot most guys my age at 1,000 yards. But here is the great thing, unless your religion prevents it you can like/love what ever hoby, sport, pastime, musical genre etc. on the earth....or even off it if that's what you really want. At the same time tho you can also make those loves as feminine as you want to. Pink neons on a car, pink camo on a gun, pink guitar with a purple pick, and instead of headbanging till your nech/head hurts at a concert, look around and see what the other girls at concerts are doing (chances are they will be crowd surfing or in a pit any way) but no matter what, you are who you are and you like what you like.....be yourself and don't let anyone EVER try to change that.

Hope i could help some.

[kariann330]

One last thing to add,

let the haters be your motivation, not what holds you back from your dreams.

Go get em girl!!

[Ltl89]

I can relate too, i love nu metal, i love muscle cars (i want another Mustang or a GTO) i love working on cars, and i can outshoot most guys my age at 1,000 yards. But here is the great thing, unless your religion prevents it you can like/love what ever hoby, sport, pastime, musical genre etc. on the earth....or even off it if that's what you really want. At the same time tho you can also make those loves as feminine as you want to. Pink neons on a car, pink camo on a gun, pink guitar with a purple pick, and instead of headbanging till your nech/head hurts at a concert, look around and see what the other girls at concerts are doing (chances are they will be crowd surfing or in a pit any way) but no matter what, you are who you are and you like what you like.....be yourself and don't let anyone EVER try to change that.

Hope i could help some.

Well, when I was a child I was told by a priest that I would be going to hell if I kept on listening to Ozzy and black sabbath.  So, in a way my religion did prevent it,lol.  Just imagine if I had told him that I was cross dressing and wanted to live as a girl.  That would have been an interesting confessional conversation. 

But in all seriousness your right.  I don't even know why I worry because there are very few things about me that are masculine anyway.

[big kim]

I listen to a lot more female fronted music than I used to,Nightwish,Tarja,Within Temptation,Halestorm,Doro,Joan Jett & the Blackhearts & Paramore are usually on my playlist.When it comes to muscle cars a Moulin Rouge/Panther Pink 1970 Dodge Superbee is my favourite.

[Bookworm]

First good luck on coming out olive. Next recently I have had to deal with the fact that just because I feel like a female does not mean I need to change. I had a metaphorical slap in the face by a good friend of mine. I needed it and now I realize that I have tried to be somebody I am not. I am me and I have my own likes and dislikes.

For me the big change is I have tried to integrate more feminine things into my life, but really these things I am "integrating" are just things that are me. I am letting myself out and doing it little by little.