MTF Starting RLE

[lizubeth]

I dont know if everyone else had to do it before HRT, but I gotta go through RLE.

It seems somewhat unethical to make someone who looks like a guy live completely like the opposite gender. But I need help. The city I live in is kind of small, the chances of bumping into someone you know are pretty high. I cant move out of another 6 months, but I cant live like this anymore. I am still in highschool, I go to a small school, but the only thing is some of the people in that school bullied me throughout my life. My only option for RLE right now is at work. I guess im lucky, as my manager assumed I was a female when I first got hired despite my name being matthew and dressing boyish. They figured it out eventually, but my coworkers knew I was a boy. But I still cant help but being really nervous. I dont know what my co-workers will think, I want to move into the metro where I dont have to see my peers from school before I go full on transitioning. I already go by Lizzy by my friends, but not my family which this topic is one that is avoided by everyone. I cant dress overly female because my parents dont want me to confuse my sister or something dumb.

I just am so stressed and confused on what to do ;-; whether to take it full on, or to kinda go stealth. A lot of people know I guess, but most of its an issue of self consciousness, and not wanting weird looks. That and whenever I dress up all fancy, my shoulders seem to bug me ;-; Anyone have any guidance or comments on the situation? Like should I or could I go about this full on or wait until I can move out? If so I probably need a wardrobe change and dont know what I should wear. How do I handle people who are mean too :S
`

I dono thats what I look like
http://imgur.com/9VhU3Xu,PZwG32A,2qP1yJE,O9Mnivq theyre all a few months apart.

I was put on lupron in october :S My voice isnt deep at all which is lucky. I dont mean to be attention whorey Im just like in a self conscious state, and have no idea if its doable or unnecessary anxiety for me to go full transitioning now. Sorry if I anger anyone or im posting in the wrong section or something.

[suzifrommd]

WPATH guidelines have long since stopped recommending RLE. The WPATH standards of care (http://www.wpath.org/documents/Standards%20of%20Care%20V7%20-%202011%20WPATH.pdf) specifically state that it is up to you when to start hormones. From the bottom of page 25:

It is important for mental health professionals to recognize that decisions about hormones are first and foremost the client's decisions

Who is asking you to do this? If it is a gender therapist, you can show this to him/her. If he/she continues insisting on RLE before HRT, consider changing therapists.

[lizubeth]

My gender therapist told me. He has a PhD and what not and people keep saying he's the best in the country

He keeps telling me I have to go through him if I want my estrogen and surgery covered by medical :/ Its hard to switch therapists concidering he's with the government and any regular therapist in the region has to send you to him I think. All the gender therapists are in the same officey place.

But I don't mind going through it, but just after I move out in a bit. But the lack of being on E is causing some major anxiety issues. Even though I'm on lupron i still feel so boyish and far from where i wanna be. I would start rle now but I'm not really sure if I could pull it off well enough to start while still finishing highschool.

But thanks for the link. I'll try talking to him.

[Jamie D]

Lizzy, that sounds like "gate-keeping" to me.  I am not a fan of the power-mad.

[Misato]

Sounds like gate-keeping to me too.

RLE, yes or no, or what form it takes should be on the patient's terms.  I'm glad I did one because it taught me I could live even under the worst case scenario, so I do think there is merit to them.  But being forced, that ain't right.  And what Suzi says is accurate, it's no longer required and if possible, a therapist change may be warranted.  Forcing you into an uncomfortable place with an RLE could do you a great deal of harm.

[lizubeth]

No he's not the power hungry kind of person. He's really kind, but strict about the routine too. I believe the ministry of family development has some strict guidelines to trans health and he kinda has to go with them. If I could talk to bypassing RLE I could avoid conflict but that may cause conflict in itself.

I wanna get on with my life with as little conflict as possible. Right now I'm slowly becoming an anxiety ridden wreck. My sleep has been put off from both low self esteem, the fact I can't tell if I look boyish or not, and the fact I'm trapped as a guy ffor the next 4-6 months till I can move. RLE is something I really wanna do and although lupron helps me feel I'm not getting anymore boyish, I still fear I look way to boyish anyways. Burgh... So much stress from everything.

[misschievous]

I can understand completely making you go full time before SRS, it seems most people do anyways. Before even getting HRT is ridiculous.

[lizubeth]

Yeah.

It can be pretty sadistic. I guess its not as bad for minors but still :/

[Elle16]

This is what they do in the United Kingdom - where I live  Well I'm in Scotland

They make MTF or FTM trans people go through RLE for at least 6 months before starting on Hormones if you're on NHS.

I've already been out dressed as a woman and trust me it's not easy at all. While I did find I could hold my head up high and look people in the eye - it was also very hard not to feel awkward, almost like everyone is looking at you under a microscope. I can see the importance though - it allows you to feel how comfortable you are living as your preffered gender. However for me I'd say that without Hair Removal, no-where near enough experience with make up and short hair... it's very hard to pass off as anything other than a drag queen or crossdresser 

I'm super glad I did it though! It made me realise just how hard the RLE really is and considering there's a *18 month waiting list for the Gender Clinic - pretty sure that's what my doctor said - I do have time to begin transitioning slowly and in the best possible way.

I'm growing out my hair, experimenting with make up & clothes - all the while I'll start saving for Hair Removal. I'm hoping by the time a year has passed I'll have enough for Laser & be in a much better position financially as I'll hopefully have a job by then & be ready to commit to this full time!

Alot of the advice I've been getting is not to rush things as it can lead to depression and feelings of unhappyness. Which is sadly very true - making MTF trans epople go full time without hormones i8s cruelty in my book!! - but being well setup and ready for the journey makes it all that much easier

AS for OP - maybe you'll feel differently then I did going out dressed as a woman on your RLE - it's not easy though! Even when inside you KNOW this is right for you

Best of luck x

[lizubeth]

Im not sure if I mentioned it but I have gone through 2 months of RLE. It was fine considering I wasn't living with my parents and that i was living in a different municipality, and one that isn't geographically cur off from the rest. I had 0 problems. Its just that I had to run away from my parents house to do that.

That caused a lot of chaos. But where I am isn't just a "oh it will teach you realistic worst case scenario".
Its like jumping in a shark tank. Again, walking down the street to get a coffee or jug of milk, I'm guaranteed to see someone I know. That and I was disliked before :/ I was bullied quite a bit in elementary and highschool here.

I should say RLE isn't the real problem, its just that I'm in a situation where its just unreasonable until I can move out :/ that and I mean HRT before RLE would be hell of a lot easier :/ I still look pretty boyish. But at the moment I feel pushed in a corner because I really wanna start full time :/ just no confidence where I am now :/

[StellaB]

I've done RLE prior to treatment with no support which is why I'm of the opinion that RLE prior to treatment is okay ONLY if there's significant support.

I'm in the process of developing a campaign for Disability Living Allowance to be paid to those going through RLE in the UK to help meet the additional costs of daily living, such as having to buy toiletries and cosmetics for both genders and for such things as silicone breast forms to be made available on the NHS.

The spirit of DLA is to help reduce the effects of any impairment to enable independent living, and I feel that those starting out in their transitions should receive some community support the same as anyone else.

If the NHS can provide people recovering from other conditions such as strokes with mobility aids then I feel that there's a strong argument for providing some sort of support for trans folk at the most vulnerable time of their gender reassignment process.

This to me is an issue of social responsibility. We need to stop expecting those who are the weakest or most vulnerable in society to be able to fend for themselves.

This is something I've been discussing with a couple of Labour Party candidates and it's been something they've said they're open to.