I'm physiologically a man, sort of socialised as a man but I do not feel like one, nor a woman.
Allow an extended metaphor if you could.
I think I would describe it that my 'soul' (not a concept I ontologically believe in, but a very good model) is a very bright light. If you were to put a prism against it you would get a multitude of colours, just as white light is made of all colours, then my 'soul' is made up of lots of different things that can be separated if must. This white light is 'me'.
However a pure soul can not interact with the world, it is too bright, it needs gels on it to filter it. Without a colour it is unintelligible. These filters are often crude versions of the colour spectrum that can be seen when the light is split. It is possible to mix filters and create shades, never to the extent of the split light, but well enough.
Male and female could be seen as the infra-red and ultraviolet, all the other colours fit somewhere on this spectrum. People tend to pick one side and work more with those palettes. Most people are slightly left or right of centre.
This is probably where the metaphor breaks down... but basically I feel a bit of everything and I select the ways I want to be, based on what I have available. My gender quest is to gain more filters, especially towards the infra-red (female) end of the spectrum to balance out the ultra-violet (male) filters I've already been given. I also would like to be able to flash the odd bright or intense ultra-violet or infra-red without social retribution.
I feel my male spectrum is about freedom and independence, which leads to insularity and loneliness.
My female spectrum is about connection and society, which leads to routine and trapped-ness.
I suppose balance is key...and I am too insular and unsocial nowadays
