Emotional difficulty?

[Agent_J]

I've found myself struggling to an exceptional degree since surgery three weeks ago. This isn't totally surprising since I had a very difficult transition in terms of gatekeeper enforcement of One True Way To Transition (specifically, they did a lot to make being non-op extremely unpleasant and, ultimately, impossible for me) and side-effects of their treatment, like abruptly plumbing the depths of depression.

I thought SRS would leave me happier with my body since it would mean the end of the spontaneous erections I began suffering after my E dose was nearly eliminated by my second endocrinologist (part of the enforcement mentioned above, and why she is no longer my endo.) Instead, I feel that my body has been surgically destroyed and irreparably damaged. Even dilation is triggering for this bad emotional place. ETA: I find myself procrastinating on it and, sometimes, running out of time to do all the dilations I'm supposed to do in a day, because I hate it. It's this painful reminder of what I've done to my body and how wrong it is.

I do have an appointment with a new therapist in two weeks.

[Tristan]

I know the first month or two post op can be tough. Know that your not the only one who has had post op depression and I promise it does get better with time. It's a huge change to your life and your hormonal levels Change your body/brain have to adjust to all these new changing a. It can be to to deal with. Just try to take it one hour by hour and lean on friends or family. If you want you can says text me or email me. This crazy stage of srs does pass. I promise

[Anatta]

I've found myself struggling to an exceptional degree since surgery three weeks ago. This isn't totally surprising since I had a very difficult transition in terms of gatekeeper enforcement of One True Way To Transition (specifically, they did a lot to make being non-op extremely unpleasant and, ultimately, impossible for me) and side-effects of their treatment, like abruptly plumbing the depths of depression.

I thought SRS would leave me happier with my body since it would mean the end of the spontaneous erections I began suffering after my E dose was nearly eliminated by my second endocrinologist (part of the enforcement mentioned above, and why she is no longer my endo.) Instead, I feel that my body has been surgically destroyed and irreparably damaged. Even dilation is triggering for this bad emotional place.

I do have an appointment with a new therapist in two weeks.

Kia Ora Agent_J,

Good luck with the therapy...

Mean while you might like to have a look at this short TedTalk YouTube clip...It might help you to find a way out of your dilemma...


Metta Zenda

[milktea]

Yeah know what you mean. I didn't exactly jumped onto the op table with eagerness either...and the pain for the past five mths has been the most terrible I can remember.
But i remind myself that this is a one way road I'm on. Procrastinating from dilation can only mean more pain and bigger problems, so there is no choice but to go on. Regret or any other feeling is irrelevant.

[calico]

I know the first month or two post op can be tough. Know that your not the only one who has had post op depression and I promise it does get better with time. It's a huge change to your life and your hormonal levels Change your body/brain have to adjust to all these new changing a. It can be to to deal with. Just try to take it one hour by hour and lean on friends or family. If you want you can says text me or email me. This crazy stage of srs does pass. I promise

I'll speak up and say I definitely had some of that post-op depression still dealing with it actually, went to the therapist today, a lot of thought went through my head and well, I made a bad choice a couple weeks ago, which I really don't want to talk about.

hang in there its a lot to deal with and the hormonal shifts are very hard to adjust to. definitely one day at a time or hour by hour like tristen said.

Procrastinating from dilation can only mean more pain and bigger problems, so there is no choice but to go on. Regret or any other feeling is irrelevant.

Very direct, and very true, since the surgery is now done there is no turning around only way is to walk forward, and though it feels like there is a cliff on both sides of the path, remember others who have walked the path are here to help 

[Agent_J]

Very direct, and very true, since the surgery is now done there is no turning around only way is to walk forward, and though it feels like there is a cliff on both sides of the path, remember others who have walked the path are here to help 

Thank you. In my experience, it's not something that is talked about much, and I've gotten a lot of "told you so." I went into SRS in what was far from a clear emotional/mental state, but the reality was that it was unlikely to every clear up and that I was making the "least worst" choice since the best choice was taken away from me (I had been happily non-op until encountering an endocrinologist who intentionally took actions to try to change that - to make me unhappy with my non-surgically modified body.)

[Dahlia]

since the best choice was taken away from me (I had been happily non-op until encountering an endocrinologist who intentionally took actions to try to change that - to make me unhappy with my non-surgically modified body.)

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Huh? Forcing someone to have SRS?? For what reason if you were happily non op?
Why didn't you try to find another endocrinologist (who's mentally healthier)?

[Tristan]

Your forced because they figure you are better fitted for the other gender or that not having your original sex anatomy. With reconditioning therapy after ECT or something similar one can learn to be happy in there new gender role. Or so I'm told. The first 6 weeks are tough though. It's alot to adjust to

[Dahlia]

Your forced because they figure you are better fitted for the other gender or that not having your original sex anatomy. With reconditioning therapy after ECT or something similar one can learn to be happy in there new gender role. Or so I'm told. The first 6 weeks are tough though. It's alot to adjust to

*GASP*!!! What on earth is this??

[Tristan]

It's still practiced some in the USA. It's not as bad as it sounds.

[Agent_J]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Huh? Forcing someone to have SRS?? For what reason if you were happily non op?
Why didn't you try to find another endocrinologist (who's mentally healthier)?

I did; I'm currently on my third HRT provider as a result of this crap, having switched twice because of it. However, that exhausts the known practitioners who provide HRT in my region. At the time I began seeing my second endo, she was the only option in the region aside from my first.

[Agent_J]

Your forced because they figure you are better fitted for the other gender or that not having your original sex anatomy.

Basically. In the eyes of my first two endos, non-op was invalid and was worse than living in denial (or, apparently, having SRS and regretting it.)

[Tristan]

Ask them about making things easier for with the reconditioning therapy and ECT. It could help in your situation maybe. It sounds like your having some serious depression and it might help. It at least some sort of counseling

[Agent_J]

Both therapies terrify me.

I have some really bad past experiences with mental health professionals which leave me unable to truly trust any.

[Dahlia]

Basically. In the eyes of my first two endos, non-op was invalid and was worse than living in denial (or, apparently, having SRS and regretting it.)

I'm deeply shocked and totally amazed. How can this kind of people 'work' in a first world country and decide for others what genitals one should have?

Isn't this unlawful? This strange kind of 'brainwashing?'

[calico]

I'm deeply shocked and totally amazed. How can this kind of people 'work' in a first world country and decide for others what genitals one should have?

Isn't this unlawful? This strange kind of 'brainwashing?'

you would think so, but its a very "grey" area, I didn't experience this my self but have heard of it happening, basically the therapist gives an ultimatum of sorts, with a "if you don't want to do this than I cant do anymore for you approach. therapist should only be a sounding board to give you feedback and not choice's they should only be there to re-iterate what they heard so you can make the choice you feel is best for you, but sadly in this country most therapist become therapist to analyze themselves and often use this lop-sided view to actually think they are doing good, when they themselves need to be in therapy, they are more or less megalomaniacs, sad but true

[Dahlia]

you would think so, but its a very "grey" area, I didn't experience this my self but have heard of it happening, basically the therapist gives an ultimatum of sorts, with a "if you don't want to do this than I cant do anymore for you approach. therapist should only be a sounding board to give you feedback and not choice's they should only be there to re-iterate what they heard so you can make the choice you feel is best for you, but sadly in this country most therapist become therapist to analyze themselves and often use this lop-sided view to actually think they are doing good, when they themselves need to be in therapy, they are more or less megalomaniacs, sad but true

Whatever mental caretaker, endocrinologist or anyone  in Holland who tries to 'talk' someone into SRS for whatever reason has his/her licence very quickly revoked. As it should be!

[Tristan]

Yup. I know mine reminded me of the fact that if your un happy and emotionally unstable that this type of treatment is needed because it can make you better by taking away bad feelings and memories. It doesn't hurt and if your put in a long term psychiatric facility then this could be your only option out. Plus if your a minor your in the same situation . You do as your instructed if you want to get better and out. Plus your more happy In the long run

[Agent_J]

My first attempt to transition ended with me narrowly avoiding being committed for being trans and facing ECT and the like to "cure" me of being trans. The terror of that remains with me today, 20 years later. I don't see any way I could be happy for going through a treatment that the mere thought of which horrifies me.

[Agent_J]

you would think so, but its a very "grey" area, I didn't experience this my self but have heard of it happening, basically the therapist gives an ultimatum of sorts, with a "if you don't want to do this than I cant do anymore for you approach. therapist should only be a sounding board to give you feedback and not choice's they should only be there to re-iterate what they heard so you can make the choice you feel is best for you, but sadly in this country most therapist become therapist to analyze themselves and often use this lop-sided view to actually think they are doing good, when they themselves need to be in therapy, they are more or less megalomaniacs, sad but true

This was a point where my transition team really wasn't. My therapist...well, I don't know that she wholeheartedly approved of anyone being non-op, but she didn't ever voice any concern or opposition. However, my endocrinologists felt more strongly against it. When they were concerned that I was comfortable (and happy) having no libido, my therapists evaluation of me as being healthy and that not being a concern was ignored by the doctors in favor of their own psychological evaluation of me.