About stopping hormones after a month.

[Firecat]

I wanted to do a bit of a trial run on estrodial  to see how it made me feel, and unfortunately, it really set off my anxiety much to my discontent, I've decided to stop my transition process completely until I can find a way to get it under control.

I've been on it for about 4 weeks, and lo and behold, I have some pain in my nipples, they are erect all the time and fairly sensitive. I can feel no lump under them however.  I have been off the estrodial for two days now, will these symptoms pass?

And also, how long until the body usually flushes the drug out and gets the normal hormones back up?

[Michelle S.]

If you don't mind me asking, what was triggering your anxiety? I think everyone except the most confident of the confident experience anxiety at the beginning of their transition.

From what I understand, everything up til around 6 months is reversible. The soreness should go away soon. Also the E should probably be out of your system in a few days. Be warned, I've heard quitting cold turkey can cause people to become depressed. I'm guessing it's due to the sudden hormone changes.

Best of luck!

[Firecat]

Umm, well, informed consent. I thought because I knew what changes were coming, I would be able to handle them when they happened, because I knew what they would be. My hopes in starting so soon was to see if it would have any effect in calming my depression, or maybe learning a little lesson on how to control my anxiety, or that what I was fighting for would be worth the time, energy, and effort.  However, I'm now realizing (as should have been bluntly obvious in the first place, I was just so eager to pin it on the gender issues), my anxiety is a whole separate issue.  It is life long, extremely crippling, and I am by far not ready to be taking the medications.

I had always planned to stop after a month anyways.

So, any effects I've had to date, I hope they will indeed fade. I will seek out a new psychiatrist about my anxiety issues, and work from there.  And I will step back on my transition and just seek other ways of expressing the feminine side, and other things in general to make myself to happy, until such a time I feel truly ready.

[Firecat]

Is there by chance any way of reducing the E manually through any means?

[misschievous]

I would suggest discussing this with your doctor. He might decide a different route for you or something.

[JoanneL]

I have just stopped hormones and have been off them for 6 weeks. I went off them gradually over 6 weeks and have experienced no ill effects other than a reduction in breasts. Testicles have dropped down, but not functioning. Body shape has not reverted. This is my first stoppage in 6 years of HRT.

[MagicKitty]

One thing to remember, is that if you stop now, what will prevent you from stopping in the future? Do you think the "i'm not ready for this" thoughts are because you're simply afraid of unknown territory in transition?

You might be using your "I was I had always planned to stop after a month anyways" as an "easy way out". I'm not trying to pressure you or tell you you need hormones. Just something to think about.

[desperate believer]

I'm a bit confused as to why you wanted to try estrogen for a mere month. Regardless, is your estrogen injections or a daily dose of patches or cream/gel? I'm on testosterone injections but hope to switch to daily doses to ease my depression among other reasons. ~hope

[Firecat]

I don't want this. I don't want the changes to my body, and I don't want the changes that are happening to my nipples now.  I was so determined to get on HRT because I was basically coaxed into believing it would dramatically help with my emotional issues, and I truly thought it would.  But it only made them worse. I just want this stuff to stop and I want to forget about ever transitioning. I was naive.  I only want to know what I can do to get this stuff out of my body so I can finally move on. My mind is clear so I want my body to be too. Transitioning is not right for me.

I had intended the month as a trial run to see how it made me feel.  Positive effects, I'd continue. Neutral or negative, I'd stop and reassess. And really, for me, it was a pretty bad experience. I wish I hadn't been so thickheaded and really thought about things with a clear head. I only refer to my own case, I do not mean anything against anybody else here.

[Theo]

I don't want this. I don't want the changes to my body, and I don't want the changes that are happening to my nipples now.  I was so determined to get on HRT because I was basically coaxed into believing it would dramatically help with my emotional issues, and I truly thought it would.  But it only made them worse. I just want this stuff to stop and I want to forget about ever transitioning. I was naive.  I only want to know what I can do to get this stuff out of my body so I can finally move on. My mind is clear so I want my body to be too. Transitioning is not right for me.

I had intended the month as a trial run to see how it made me feel.  Positive effects, I'd continue. Neutral or negative, I'd stop and reassess. And really, for me, it was a pretty bad experience. I wish I hadn't been so thickheaded and really thought about things with a clear head. I only refer to my own case, I do not mean anything against anybody else here.

Your personal experience is perfectly legitimate. You are neither the first nor the last person to realise only after starting HRT that this is not quite the route you want to take.

Knowing that this sort of effect can happen was one of the main reasons why I did not come out to any of my friends before having been on HRT for two months (except for one FTM friend and my mother). While I was personally convinced that "this is the road I shall travel", I refused to shut the door on the option that, once HRT started, my brain would say something along the lines of: "Ehm... This wasn't really the idea, can we please stop this, like, now? " What you are referring to as you being thick-headed is really just you keeping your options open too.

You are one of the few people who at least got a short glimpse of the other side. Via your body's reactions, you made the absolutely valid and mature decision that it is not for you, but at least you tried it. Treasure the experience, it's not something that many have, or would have had the guts to do in the first place.

[desperate believer]

Firecat thank you for clarifying for me. Now I understand why you want to discontinue hormones. I'm sorry you were disappointed with hormones but I agree with Theo: A lot of life is trial and error. At least now you know for sure that you don't want to transition. You won't be wondering "what if" later on. ~hope

[Firecat]

The problem is, a big part of me is still screaming yes, yes I want this. But merely thinking about it send me into really bad depression. I'm an extremely self conscious, delicate person, and when I started seeing physical changes before I was even comfortable with my voice training or appearance, it really broke me. I'm not saying I'll never transition, but for now I want it all to go back to how I was, and just take the time to deal with my anxiety and forget about it. 

For now however, the effects of the hormones only seem to be progressing after having been off of them for a week, and its still giving me bad anxiety attacks. I know now that it was much, much too soon for me.

[desperate believer]

Firecat I think I understand now. You tried something you thought would help you but unfortunately it just made you feel worse. You were trying to make a positive change and there's nothing wrong with that. Try to be as patient as you can while the hormones get out of your system. You'll stop having physical and emotional changes and should feel better pretty soon. ~hope & hugs

[Firecat]

The sad part is, on many levels I'm so frustrated with myself for stopping.  That I feel like the transition could still be right for me, and that there are some parts of life I am not satisfied with as a male, most of which involves how society views and treats me, how my body is growing more masculine over time, and how as is, I just don't feel content.

Not to say there aren't things about being male that I enjoy, and that I would miss. It is from these some of my doubts sprang up, that and perhaps there was something about being male that just didn't click because of some self esteem issue.

And then, the anxiety about taking hormones while constant, as I always have anxiety of some sort all the time, got really REALLY bad when I started noticing physical changes before I was comfortable with where I am in my vocal training, as really I feel like I am a far cry from sounding naturally female. That is one reason I think it was too soon to start hormones.   I was also pushing myself to do it, because my friends were saying "You'll never be truly ready, you just have to do it!"  And I was trying to push myself into it because, well, I'm already 25. If I didn't do it now, I don't feel like I'd ever get the results I so desired...

Needless to say, I rushed headlong into a situation I was wholly unprepared for, and now get recurring stress and anxiety when I think about it.  But, on many levels I still want to achieve this.   So I suppose where I'm going with this is... How should I proceed?  I want the physical changes to revert so I won't feel so much pressure.   Some of my biggest problems around this come based on my voice, and my appearance... facial hair mostly.  I have very very dark hair, and the shadow is always there bright as day on my light skin.  Is laser a drastic decision for one who is uncertain about transitioning in the near future?  And as far as voice, are there any links anybody can provide? Either to other sites or old topics and discussions here on Susan's?

Maybe if I deal with two of my big stressers first, whilst I go back to therapy and deal with my anxiety issues and examine what it is I truly want before doing anything else, I would be much better off?

[misschievous]

I would suggest, talking with your therapist about your issues. let them know that you are not sure whether this is right for you. Let them know that some part of you wants it and some part doesn't. Hopefully you can figure out a solution that is your best road. Hopefully they can help you through your issues, whether you go further with your transition or not. Don't pressure yourself one way or another. Make sure this is what you want to do or not, before you truly decide. From what I have read, everything in the early stages of HRT is reversible.

[desperate believer]

I agree with Misschievous ~hope