Dressing in public Anxiety

[mainegirl9466]

Hi I recently came out as possibly being gay and a cross dresser or possibly transgender to my family and my ex girlfriend. While I was considering hormones my ex decided that it was to much for her and broke up with me. Which really sucked but it also helped me get over dressing in public because I didn't really care who saw me because I was a good hour from my family and where I grew up, but since me and my girlfriend broke up I had to move back to my home town. Now that I am back in my old stomping ground I haven't been able to leave the house once dressed for fear of running into my family and dad (no one has seen me dressed just told them). I dunno what my problem is. I want to put on my girly jeans, my cute old navy top, and put on some makeup grab my purse and just go somewhere......but I cant. I cant even dress in my house because even though my new roommates know I am a a cross dresser and saw me dressed the first time I ever came over. I still have a lot of Anxiety. I really dont know what to do no more prior to moving here I was almost leaving the house as a girl 24/7 and now nothing......Thanks for reading my rant.

[Ltl89]

I totally understand how you feel.  I wish I had better tips to help, but at the very least I can offer you my sympathy.  You're not alone in having this fear.  I still go to support groups in boy mode out of fear others will catch me.  Since I live at home, I can't walk out of the house without my mother or sister seeing something. So my dressing has been for in privacy only.  It sucks.  I imagine once I come out, I'll feel much freer.  Have you considered coming out so you don't feel trapped? 

[Naomi]

I feel like that anxiety is pretty normal, especially when you're not out.

On the weekends, and I currently live alone because my roommate left for the summer, I dress up in this outfit that I love. Well I was sitting on the couch in my apartment and I could hear all these people out in the buildings' hallway and I started freaking out because the only thing that I could think of was that my roommate had rented out his room and these people that I don't know are going to come barging in. They didn't because they weren't but that's where my mind went and I was terrified of them coming into the apartment.

[Elle16]

Paranoia & anxiety go hand in hand with each other unfortunetly I thought pretty much everyone was against me - I've always had this feeling for a long time - not even admitting my GID was only a part for the bigger problem.

Now that I've been to councelling and sorted all that nonsense out I'm much happier and ready to tackle this head on.

Maybe you'd feel better coming out when the time is right - since dressing in secret has it's risks and could lead to you being exposed by someone. I'm not saying stop dressing but it's having that fear that's causing you to feel axious. Stepping out in public is aslo a huge leap - my advice would be make sure you are really ready to deal with all the pressures that might come with it.

Good luck

[Lyric]

Considering how many times you use the word "possibly" in your first sentence, it sounds like all you "came out" as is indecisive. It's quite clear you are not working this out for yourself. You really need to see a good therapist who can guide you in understanding yourself and deciding where you want to go with things.

~ Lyric ~

[Dee92xoxo]

Try going little by little. That's what I did while I was on the road to going full time. First just wear girl jeans and start dressing more androgynously. After a little while, paint your nails a subtle color. Then add a little foundation to make your face look better. Maybe some lip gloss. Then some light eyeliner to break the ice. Then eventually just go all out. I guarantee you the anxiety is not nearly as bad when you start small. It is much more managable and gets easier as you go. When the anxiety from the girls jeans goes away, add a little more...so forth and so on. Just stay positive! Hope this helps!

[Cindy]

Hi,

I do know this feeling and maybe I can help a little. Before I went FT I was terrified of going out in public, even though friends and family accepted me and had seen me in female clothing.
I was particularly worried about what would happen when I went FT and went to work and lived every day as me.

How would that first day of walking from the carpark into the office wearing a skirt and blouse go?

No where to hide then! Terror!!!

To be honest it was very easy. By that time I had accepted myself as me and was very happy to be me. So self acceptance of me was far more important than thinking of how I looked in a dress, or what people would think of me, or any other consideration.

To be honest I don't even think I worried about what others would think, I was too concerned of how my feet ached in my shoes! Damn sight different walking around the house to walking from a carpark to work and spending all day in heels!!

So I would work on accepting yourself, and yes a good gender therapist can be a great support for that.

I think the only 'secret' of living as your self is in the end self acceptance, because after that no one else's opinion matters.

Hugs Sisters

Cindy