How does being non-op affect you?

[Illuminess]

I really have no "attachments" to that area, so getting rid of it wouldn't bother me. To have the most genuine lesbian relationship with someone I would definitely see that as a very conflicting and annoying situation. I'm in no hurry for an SRS procedure, though; mainly because the only person I care to be in a relationship with is myself. If, in a year, the opportunity (and the money) came along to get it done, I'd probably do it.

As I stated before, though: the full-on procedure may not be necessary for me. I see no reason to have to dilate on a regular basis as penetration is not on my agenda. I'm much more concerned with the feeling of nothing being there as it would relieve some dysphoria and allow me to wear certain articles of clothing like bathing suits (and jeans, without causing uncomfortable restriction). I sit down to pee, too, as standing is too much of a male thing for me to do anymore. It would be nice to have some proper flow going on when it's loo time.

So, at the moment, it does affects me, but not quite enough for me to lose my mind over it. That will probably kick in a year or so later.

[Brasileira]

What works for one doesn't mean it will work for others,  first of all who said SRS brings "period",? Some people which are transgenders have genital disphoria and others simply no. It is very but very difficult the life of those who have genital disphoria live with  genitals  they were born, and it can't be controlled for those without this disphoria they have no problems to live how they are  and it also doesn't mean they are less transgender for it being transgender is in our brain and soul not in SRS.

[Cindy]

I am officially non-op having just cancelled my upcoming surgery. How does it affect me?
It doesn't

[Jennygirl]

I've grown to accept what I have down there. When starting transition, I was just totally "not sure" about SRS in either direction. As time went on and I was nearing completion with social transition, I wanted it very very badly. I had the money saved and I was ready to go. But then, life happened and drew me away from it due to scheduling issues and finding the right date. As time wore on after that, I began to realize that I really wasn't even that unhappy with what I have now... in fact quite the opposite after summing the risks/rewards as well as the lifelong maintenance schedule with dilation.

I've had some really nice experiences of late with people that I deeply care about, and imagining myself undergoing such a change just doesn't seem necessary to me right now (especially since I am feeling good with life at the moment). I think I am going to stay here for a while

So, I guess I would have to say it doesn't really affect me much being recently decided non-op. Maybe it will someday, and I will want it badly again. Who knows. In the meantime, I am just going with the flow and enjoying life for whatever it is.

Cindy- that makes two of us. We were even scheduled within 2 days of each other. What the heck!

[Cindy]

I've grown to accept what I have down there. When starting transition, I was just totally "not sure" about SRS in either direction. As time went on and I was nearing completion with social transition, I wanted it very very badly. I had the money saved and I was ready to go. But then, life happened and drew me away from it due to scheduling issues and finding the right date. As time wore on after that, I began to realize that I really wasn't even that unhappy with what I have now... in fact quite the opposite after summing the risks/rewards as well as the lifelong maintenance schedule with dilation.

I've had some really nice experiences of late with people that I deeply care about, and imagining myself undergoing such a change just doesn't seem necessary to me right now (especially since I am feeling good with life at the moment). I think I am going to stay here for a while

So, I guess I would have to say it doesn't really affect me much being recently decided non-op. Maybe it will someday, and I will want it badly again. Who knows. In the meantime, I am just going with the flow and enjoying life for whatever it is.

Cindy- that makes two of us. We were even scheduled within 2 days of each other. What the heck!

Great girls think alike

I think people need to have a think through what this journey is, there are no rules and there are no demands that you have to follow what is right for some girls, you are a unique and beautiful woman in your own right. Enjoy your life as you wish!

[Tori]

I really do not know if it effects me much but I still want to have the surgery some day down the line. I am in no hurry though. HRT cured my dysphoria. It is just something I wish to finalize at some point.

[V M]

It causes me a degree of dysphoria but I do my best to not let it bother me, basically I just plain can't afford it at this time

If and when I am ready to take that final step I will know it and everything will come together as it should

Until then I will continue to just be myself and progress at my own pace as best as possible

[Roxanne]

It's pretty awesome that it affects me largely in the "not at all" sense. I'm actually MtF and had a phalloplasty (regretted "the op" but not my social transition or other surgeries/hormones). As I said it doesn't really affect me at all - I was worried the first few times I stepped outside in Belgrade after my surgery that people would notice my bulge immediately and hate me But nope, they didn't. And now that I'm back home no one does anything different. People who knew before don't say a thing and I'm always pleased that new people I meet call me she/her.

At home, my wife of course knows,  but she is post-op MtF trans and we've been together since we were barely old enough to drink (in our 30s now). I'm a lot happier and I'm sure a lot better to be around for her. Not all depressed and/or angry.

[solexander]

Honestly being non-op (for SRS, I've had chest surgery) hasn't really affected me negatively at all; even being a gay trans man who gets told a lot to "not feel bad when rejected because gay dudes are all about the penis", I've discovered that oftentimes people care less once they know you as a person than they think they would when confronted with your situation (not sure if that makes sense, but what I'm saying is I've dated several full-on gay guys in my time and a lot of them were surprisingly comfortable with me not having or wanting to have surgery down there. As for friends, I dunno what it would be like for girls (although my trans woman friends seem to have little issue communing with girls, both cis and trans?), but pretty much every cis guy that knows about my situation treats me no different than they would any other dude. And I'm finishing up high school still so if teenage straight guys can do it, anyone can! Haha. Seriously, don't worry too much, at the end of the day genitals are a pretty small part of the equation for people

[Tessa James]

Really glad about this thread as some women I really admire such as Cindy and Jenny have wrestled with this very personal choice and now shared it with us.  Wow girls, thank you!  I started transition thinking I would never have surgery due to risks, costs and my age.  As transition helped my body change I actually started feeling more dysphoric about my genitals that seemed a glaring non fit.  I started the work up for an orchiectomy and got stopped by that discriminatory insurance rider nonsense.  This has given me time to pause and be even more thoughtful about it.  Having a positive relationship with my wife factors in too as we share the impacts of such a decision.  We are getting better at negotiating and talking about our needs.

I don't need a vagina for satisfying intimacy, it feels more about the body/gender self image and congruence factors.  So much of this is between the ears more than our legs?  I lived most of my adult life feeling my penis was inside of me during intercourse.  I can now wear what i want and be my true self.  I find it is a matter of self image and confidence and this is just one more adjustment to make as life takes that winding path.  Plenty to think about.

People who are younger and expect to be dating have very different considerations.

[Fanni]

Not much tbh. Sure, its hard to go swimming AND having to tuck(dea gosh) but... I like to just think of the parts down there as enlarged. And homologous. There's always tucking, which puts the... Gonads where the ovaries would be in a cisgirl

I will never consider GRS because it's just waay too primitive right now. Maybe in the future, where we can grow ovaries and have our own uteruses

But for now the parts down there are okay. So long as I have curves I'm happy

[herekitten]

I don't think I am 'non-op'. If I have to refer to myself in that language I guess it would be pre? .  I've been on estrogen since age 13/14. I am mid-50's now and very healthy (knock on wood).  How has my girlie parts affected me in life? Not at all when I stop to think about it.  If anything, it somehow opened doors.  If it means anything, I've never had issues dating but only chose to disclose to very select few (none ever had negative comments. just a little baffled at first but that's about it).  I am now married and Ohhhhhh so happy. I've often discussed it with him and he and I would be in love with each other no matter what exists twixt my thighs. There are little life's inconveniences, but nothing that cannot be overcome.

[MathewNB]

On the legal aspect, I hate it. I have to put down my legal name and that I'm female. Filling out applications or any legal is difficult. I hate having to saying I'm a female.

On the social aspect, I pass even without testosterone, so it's not too much of a problem. Although I sound like a girl over the phone. One time, a lady constantly called me ma'am which annoyed me. I told her I didn't like being called ma'am, but she didn't stop. But for the most part, people see me as male.

[Aazhie]

I am getting top surgery to get a male looking chest.  As far as gentials go, I am getting my ovaries removed because pregnancy terrifies me.  Just watched the Alien movies too often to not think of that kind of stuff, ha ha!  If I want a kid someday I will adopt, but don't need any kid now except my spoiled inner child

You don't have to get bottom surgery to be a man/woman/or anything really.  Who all really needs to see that stuff anyways? For some, even just dressing and acting the part is enough, so don't feel too down on yourself for not being able to instantly change.  Hormones can make a world of difference. My cis-female boss at a tattoo place was about 6'5" and had some thyroid issues, but she was strong, tough and played roller derby. She sewed her own clothes when she couldn't find stuff that fit.  Plenty of cis women have larger frames and masculine features, and many guys have dainty frames and feminine features- there is so much variety to humans that your own personal looks shouldn't hold you back if you wanted to transition.  It's a rough road no matter which way you go, but we all have to follow out own path.  Life can be tough for everyone in different ways!  Look at how many typically attractive, successful, famous people suffer from depression- looks and money aren't everything.  You can be true to yourself in your own way and that is what is most important to me.
That doesn't mean support doesn't help!  A therapist, counselor or queer union groups can help you understand there are others out there and possibly more options for you than you might have imagined on your own.

[Evolving Beauty]

JUST BE YOURSELF! Sweetie who told you you will be never loved as non-op. Listen I'm a straight post-op and during I was pre-op I had both >-bleeped-<->-bleeped-<s and straight men falling in love seriously with me. And the other girls who judge you, ignore them. Don't do things that you might regret. SRS is not for everyone. Do what your heart tells you is the best and not what you think society accepts the best.

[ana1111]

being non op doesn't really affect my everyday life at all as no one sees it..it just mean that when having sex my boyfriend puts it a couple inches further back...lol sorry if that's tmi...but I don't see that it affects your life that much except you need to make sure whoever your dating knows and is ok with it..

[tesseract49]

I'm not all that effected by being non-op.  When I first started transition, I was certain that no matter what, before I died I'd get the surgery....but over time I got less gung-ho, to the point that now, I never plan on it.  I'm not a big fan of surgery, period.  It's all too invasive for me....

I've come to understand for me at least, that a vagina isn't really preferable to a penis.....not to say a penis is preferable to a vagina....they both are equally unattractive as far as I'm concerned....sex organs are my least favorite characteristic of the human body, and even SRS is purely cosmetic.  A vagina constructed from penile tissue is still penile tissue.  I've learned to operate the equipment I have pretty darn well (or so I'm told), and if I had it removed, I'd still end up using with a strap-on in the sack.  It seems like a lot less trouble to simply save the money, pain, and risk and forego the surgery.  Perhaps this would be different if I was single, but as it is now, the only people who get to see me that far undressed are me and my partner, and it's just not causing us enough trouble to be an issue.

The rest of the world perceives me as a woman, I perceive me as a woman, and my partner sees me as a woman.

I guess HRT was enough to quell any dysphoria I had.  For that I am happy.

I feel very much the same way as you. I want to be a woman but I am not interested in the surgery because it will still not give me the exact, fully-functioning parts that genetic women have. I also have a phobia of surgery. Getting an orchiectomy is probably as far as i will ever consider going and I'm not sure I would even want that. I feel like suzifrommd said, I want to appear and be treated as a woman but I am worried about changing the sexual side of myself. Perhaps I'm in denial. I am not sure though. If I could wake up the next day with perfect female genitalia, I would be happy but that is never going to happen. The surgery may go wrong or I could develop problems and in addition to that It would be a harrowing experience having to stay in hospital and be operated on in the most invasive way possible, NOt to mention the pain. At the end of the day, even if I went through it, there may still be a chance I will regret it and it is almost impossible to reverse. Apparently 17% of trans people that have the operation end up killing themselves due to regret. As a once suicidal person I do not want to be in that group.

[Lady Smith]

For myself I've found that HRT and an orchi are enough for me to feel happy as the woman I know myself to be.  If you had asked me twenty years ago when I was still feeling badly dysphoric I would have said that nothing but full SRS would do, but being T free and on the right amount of HRT via patches + spiro I feel completely at ease with myself.  I'm not sexually active having taken a vow of chastity so nobody sees it but me anyway and I've learned not to look at it so I don't have any problems with 'wart' still being there.

I will say that I knew back then I didn't want to go overseas for SRS.  Being alone in a foreign country post surgery without any supports or a friendly familiar face around me sounded like a type of hell that would be worse than having dysphoria.  The type of SRS surgery available here in New Zealand back then was very basic and primitive and the trans community's assessment of it was that it looked like you had your 'bum on backwards' (excuse the blunt description) and I can certainly confirm that fact.

I needed to have an orchi done in my fourth year due to severe inflammation and pain and once the things were gone I discovered that I was at ease and happy with how I felt mentally and emotionally.  I will say though that I had a bad experience waking up in the recovery room with a terrible sense of dislocation as if I'd been dead for a while.  That alone was quite enough to put me off having any more surgery!

[tesseract49]

I really think there should be more acceptance of non-operative transgender people. Apparently there are quite high figures of transwomen that never have SRS. xxx

[Skier]

I turned 40 last year after having lived as a woman nearly all my adult life.

I'd never had a doubt about wanting my SRS.

I never had the financial resources, I grew up and lived my adult life in a country which has a somewhat hostile environment for us.  Insurances and government provide limited cover for surgery and insurance here is not routinely provided by employers.  That is if lasting work could be obtained, as here they are very conservative in their attitudes to hiring trans as new staff, especially as I started out young and did not amass any money, experience or recommendations in my career and skills.

As I'm approaching my elder years a real panic has set in.  I am suicidal at times, others and this is hard without money- I think of leaving this backward country and living in England where at least I won't have to go broke or sell a kidney to pay for surgery and where we have patient rights rather than the system now where the doctors don't give a toss about us and it's just a business with the arbiter for access being those with the money get its those without can gtfo, that's the way the surgery industry sees us.