Hi all! This is the place for introducing one's self so here goes...
I have recently come to see myself as ftm trans. I'm in my late 20's and have been struggling for several years for how to classify myself. I grew up in an ever increasingly conservative christian home where my parents told me repeatedly that 'God doesn't make mistakes' and that it is evil to have feelings for someone of the same gender. As well as a long family talk about how wrong it is to try to change the body God gave you. Most of this happened after a group of gay men moved in next door to us. After about a decade of indoctrination, homeschooling and christian colleges, I met and fell in love with a wonderful woman and she has been my rock, the one person I could count on when things get bad. I tried, out of fear and unsuccessfully, to hide our relationship from my parents but they figured it out. Then they started in with the bible talks and telling me that they were praying that I would accept Jesus and come home (they had moved across the country while I was in college).
During this time I had become interested in doing drag performances after meeting a pre-op ftm and drag king from my girlfriend's work. We performed at an open mic weekend drag competition near my house. This was an exciting time for me and I started dressing more androgenously, bigger shirts and baggy pants and shorter hair. I saw my parents about a two years after I got with my girlfriend and was told that I was not welcome in their home if I brought her with me. My mother went so far as to call me a dyke and tell me that I disgusted her and that she didn't want me to have any contact with '[her] children.' About 3 years after that I finally wrote out a coming out letter and sent it to every family member that I could saying: "This is me and if you can't handle it, please stop talking to me." I then cut off all contact with my siblings, other family, and all of my old friends.
Now just a few years later I am still discovering my identity and coming to terms with my male-ness. It has been a hard thing for me to accept because of how I was raised. Once I accepted that I feel more like a guy than a female I can say that it was a huge release, like one of those proverbial weights being lifted from me. I have this feeling of near euphoria over it. As I think back over my life I find it hard to see a time when I wasn't a complete tomboy. I started researching the steps for transitioning about a week ago and want to start the process soon. Though my acceptance and self realization is a recent occurrence my girlfriend and I have discussed this as a possibility for me many times over the 6 years we have been together.
I am so happy to have found this place where I can safely share with others and get feedback on some of my questions and any fears that I may encounter.
