my sister(and soon my family) does not accept me

[Wendy]

Dear Jackie,

I am so sorry that your parents are resorting to we rule in this house and you live by our rules.

Insist on going only to a gender specialist.  Try to get some references on the gender specialist.  If you do not feel comfortable with your gender specialist get another.  Your goal will be to learn about yourself.  You have an opportunity to feel comfortable with yourself. 

You were brave to tell your parents!  I expect your mom will give you mixed signals but she loves you!  Try not to argue with her and tell her you love her.

[Ms.Behavin]

It's very hard not to have parrents that are a bit more open.  Now me I would leave a few pages of transexual information liying around or perhaps mixed in here or there, say in a cabinet, etc.  or email your parents information. and continue to do it  say till I was 18. 

A therapist may be just the thing that you need for he or she will talk to your parents too.  Just make sure it's a real therapist and not a pastor, or other man/woman of the cloth, who has preconseved ideas on exactly who you are.  The good news is your only a teen for a while, though it seems longer.  At least You did not wait to age 50 to figure out why you felt different all those years.  Ok I knew at your age too, but back then there was very little information about transexuals where I was growing up. 

Take care, for we understand all so well what's it's like to have a body that does not match the soul inside.

Beni

[Suzy]

A therapist may be just the thing that you need for he or she will talk to your parents too.  Just make sure it's a real therapist and not a pastor, or other man/woman of the cloth, who has preconseved ideas on exactly who you are. 
Beni

Jackie,
I disagree with this statement.  I know of some pastors who would be wonderful to talk to, who would not judge you, and who have solid credentials.  They are real therapists.
Kristi

[Keira]

It must depend on pastor's denomination. Some, you wouldn't trust to be able to handle the conflict of interest between their faith and the person in front of them; but, some denomination are much more progressive, or don't try to proselytise.

Anyway, if the parents send her to a therapist who's known to "fix" such problems, the results assuredly will be much worse than no therapist at all.

I won't jump the gun and assume the worse, but she must be on the lookout so as not to be trampled.

[Suzy]

It must depend on pastor's denomination. Some, you wouldn't trust to be able to handle the conflict of interest between their faith and the person in front of them; but, some denomination are much more progressive, or don't try to proselytise.

That it would.  But do know that for some there is no conflict between their faith and the person.  It's not about proselytizing.  It's about compassion, and taking the teachings of Jesus very seriously.

Kristi

[seldom]

A presbyterian minister was one of the first therapist in the DC area to handle gender identity issues with respect.  His name is Rusty Lynn.  Not many people know this, but he is well known.
Some people who are deeply religious, but are having conflicts with thier faith and gender identity go to see him.  He treats TS with respect and does not try to "convert" them back by any means.

There are good therapists of faith, it is the fundimentalists, evangelicals, born agains, and right wingers you have to worry about.  They call themselves Christian, but there is very little Christian about them.  They just use religion as a cloak for thier bigotry.

[Pysgod]

A presbyterian minister was one of the first therapist in the DC area to handle gender identity issues with respect.  His name is Rusty Lynn.  Not many people know this, but he is well known.
Some people who are deeply religious, but are having conflicts with thier faith and gender identity go to see him.  He treats TS with respect and does not try to "convert" them back by any means.

There are good therapists of faith, it is the fundimentalists, evangelicals, born agains, and right wingers you have to worry about.  They call themselves Christian, but there is very little Christian about them.  They just use religion as a cloak for thier bigotry.

Yeah. Those are fun to play with. They take everything so seriously. And they completely ignore the actual meanings behind christianity.

[Lyric]

I'm sorry I caught your announcement about telling your family a few days late. In your case, I would have suggested not telling your parents-- at least not until you've moved out and are on your own. You've said your family are Southern Baptist conservatives and this is a group that makes absolutely no place for sexual or gender diversity at all.

You need to counter the negativity at home with strong positives elsewhere in your life. You've got a good support system here, but it would be great to find some sort of TG support group or the like to go to now and then.

As for getting a job, I hope Wal-Mart's not the only big employer in town. Many large companies have instigated diversity policies that restrict them from discriminating against gender varied people. If you're near a big city, consider and entry level office job. These turn up with some frequency in most every big office building and they're often looking for eager young beginners for reception/mail/file/etc. work (check Monster.com, of course). The pay should be equal to retail, but you don't have to deal with "the public" and can often ascend to better paying jobs and even have training paid by the company.

[Jake_to_Jackie]

It's very hard not to have parrents that are a bit more open.  Now me I would leave a few pages of transexual information liying around or perhaps mixed in here or there, say in a cabinet, etc.  or email your parents information. and continue to do it  say till I was 18. 

A therapist may be just the thing that you need for he or she will talk to your parents too.  Just make sure it's a real therapist and not a pastor, or other man/woman of the cloth, who has preconseved ideas on exactly who you are.  The good news is your only a teen for a while, though it seems longer.  At least You did not wait to age 50 to figure out why you felt different all those years.  Ok I knew at your age too, but back then there was very little information about transexuals where I was growing up. 

Take care, for we understand all so well what's it's like to have a body that does not match the soul inside.

Beni

first off i tried to offer proof and my dad said that all that is is a bunch of minoritys to the actual populus who made up thouse things to make them feel better. Then in the same sentence he turned around and said that even though the world excepts it douse not mean its right?

There not letting me go to a professional gender confusion psychologist how they worded it. "if your car busts you bring it to a mechanic and if it is something specific like the radiator's shot. THen you bring it to a raidiator specialist. WHere just going to hire a "normal" psychologist and if he said so then well go to some where else.

[Autumn]

Well, that's stupid, but at least he recognizes that a specialist may have its place.

I do not want to try to give instructions or directions. I haven't been through what you, or the others here have been through/going through. I just want to offer what little support I can and say it's heartbreaking. Your sister went and told her before you got the chance to, right? I'm not a very good christian (or one at all, hey), it takes strong faith to love even those who betray you. It's funny how the true believers always end up victimized by those who tow the line and ignore the actual teachings. You've got a hell of a struggle ahead of you.

Here I go giving instructions anyway. Be calm, rational, and concise when you talk to the therapist. Presentation is everything. If he lacks the experience of dealing with TS, beg him with all due respect to transfer you to a specialist because of the severity of the situation with your family.

However... finding a specialist might be hard. I don't think this site has one listed except like 200 miles away from me. I doubt your parents will want to take you up to dallas or san antonio. but hopefully someone near you has experience dealing with it even if they aren't a specialist.

May God soften the hearts of your family. Sadly, I don't think they'd know it even if he spoke to them.

[Wendy]

Jackie,

In the short run work with your parents.  I am very aware of "dad's brain washing sessions" and your need to hide things.  However after a while hiding things is very unhealthy for your mind.

Regular psychiatrists might not be trained in gender issues.  But you might get lucky and get a psychiatrist that is at least sensitive to your gender concerns.  Maybe your psychiatrist might even try to influence your dad to be more sensitive to your feelings and will side with you and recommend a gender specialist!

Give it a try!  You have a lot of courage and I believe good things will work out for you. 

[seldom]

Most regular psychologists, Social workers and psychiatrists still recognized GID.  They just don't want to handle gender identity issues themselves.
I would say whoever you go to see bring a copy of the SoC with you.

They will still probably refer you to a specialist anyway. 

[Jake_to_Jackie]

Most regular psychologists, Social workers and psychiatrists still recognized GID.  They just don't want to handle gender identity issues themselves.
I would say whoever you go to see bring a copy of the SoC with you.

They will still probably refer you to a specialist anyway. 

I'm not use to all the terminology yet. Whats SoC?

[Diane]

soc is standard of care

[Ms.Behavin]

Ok, First let me extracate foot from mouth,  Yes there are some pastor's, etc who are very open and respectful.  I really did not mean to imply that there are not many fine people in all religons.  Of course, I grew up in savannah ga, and there is not much acceptance there when I was growing up or even today. 

Most psychologists, etc will at least reconize  GID and there is a pretty good chance that given some time your parents will come around.  They really do want you to be happy, it's just that sometimes their children fall a bit further outside the norm.  I think it's a positive sign that your parrents are taking you to a therapist.

In case you have not found the SOC, here's a link

http://www.tc.umn.edu/~colem001/hbigda/hstndrd.htm

Good luck

Beni

[seldom]

Ok, First let me extracate foot from mouth,  Yes there are some pastor's, etc who are very open and respectful.  I really did not mean to imply that there are not many fine people in all religons.  Of course, I grew up in savannah ga, and there is not much acceptance there when I was growing up or even today. 

Most psychologists, etc will at least reconize  GID and there is a pretty good chance that given some time your parents will come around.  They really do want you to be happy, it's just that sometimes their children fall a bit further outside the norm.  I think it's a positive sign that your parrents are taking you to a therapist.

In case you have not found the SOC, here's a link

http://www.tc.umn.edu/~colem001/hbigda/hstndrd.htm

Good luck

Beni

Beni, that is a bad link to send her to.  It is the HIGHLY flawed 5th edition of the SoC.

To find the current edition look here:
http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf

DO NOT GO IN WITH THE SoC Beni POSTED!  (No offense Beni, you should have made sure it was the 6th edition.)

It is an out of date edition that is VERY controversial and SHOULD not be used.  There is the very controversial autogyphilia diagnosis in there which has since been discredited.  Only go in with the sixth edition, it is the current guidelines.
I would read through the document as well if I were you, it gives you a good idea of the process.


WPATH is the international organization which gender identity specialist are organized under, at least in english speaking countries. 

[Jake_to_Jackie]

  i love my brainy sissys   ok i think i have seen a glimer oh hope to day me and my dad where haveing a conversation bout computers (just got a new laptop whoop whoop) and i missunderstood something he said and he replied with"no dollin what i ment was downloading a virus" i think my dad might have realised

[Hypatia]

A presbyterian minister was one of the first therapist in the DC area to handle gender identity issues with respect.  His name is Rusty Lynn.  Not many people know this, but he is well known.
Some people who are deeply religious, but are having conflicts with thier faith and gender identity go to see him.  He treats TS with respect and does not try to "convert" them back by any means.

I agree, I'm currently going to Rusty and like him a lot. He's gay and totally supportive of trans people in the best way. Another thing I like about him is: Other therapists charge an extra fee just to write a letter. Rusty wrote mine at no extra charge.

[Suzy]

Rusty has a good reputation.  I think you'll find most Presbyterian ministers good to go to.

Kristi

[Hypatia]

Yeah, I'm in an interfaith group run by another Presby pastor who is an outspoken activist for LGBT equality. (Turns out he knows Rusty too.) It has been kind of liberating to find that a queer Pagan feminist like me can groove with a Southern male heterosexual Christian--who is a really cool person.
Taught me a lesson about prejudice: Don't.
Everyone is an individual.