How do guys react?

[Magnolia88]

What type of reaction do you get from men you're dating when you tell them that you were born male and when in the relationship do you tell them? I feel like the best time would be once the relationships starts getting serious but a lot of time, you've already had sex by that point. What if I tell a boyfriend and he reacts badly and feels like I took advantage of him? If I get the feeling he definitely would not be okay with it, I would likely just break it off with him but what if I misjudge someone. I'm afraid I'll tell a guy who I thought would be okay with it and then he ends up flying into a rage and beating me up or worse. Am I worrying for nothing or is this a rational fear? How can I tell what type of guy will accept me or at least not react in a violent manner?

[ZoeM]

I've never been in this situation, but I think a safe system would be, anyone you end up in bed with, needs to know before things get that far. Possibly unless you're absolutely certain they can't find out on their own.

[Magnolia88]

I guess that would be the best way to avoid this, although I don't like the idea of random guys i talk to knowing my secret. Of course all this depends on if I will be passable which has yet to be determined but still, can't help but wonder about it.

[Alainaluvsu]

I tell them the first chance I can text them... that way they're not able to beat me up in a rage. Maybe 1/3 of them have been totally cool with it. The rest is "You had me fooled, no thanks!"

[Magnolia88]

That's surprising. i thought it would be more half and half. I know telling them upfront is best, but I also feel like that would be too early for me to know them well enough to trust that wouldn't tell someone.  Also, I want to give them a chance to get to know me before they write me off because of a birth defect that was out of my control.

[Tristan]

Normally they think for a minute and say but your so hot. They tend to be ok with it8/10

[A]

I've never had that problem, but yeah, I would tell when the relationship feels like it's becoming serious and going somewhere. I would never have sex with anyone before I'm way (way) past that point anyway. Call me childish, but I feel giving myself like that would only feel right if I intended to spend my life with someone.

[Renee]

I avoid the whole issue by not dating, that way I don't have to disclose and don't have to deal with the pitfalls of it all. This year makes twenty years that I've avoided dating, relationships, etc. and its actually going pretty good.

[Ltl89]

I'm not experienced in this area, but I plan on telling someone only after a few dates and if I see a future.  I don't believe there is a need for anyone to know if we are just going out to eat for one night.  If you see things becoming serious and there is a possibility that things could become intimate,  that's when I would consider telling him.  I wish guys were more understanding though.  It would make things so much easier. 

[Tristan]

I agree I don't normally tell them before the date. Sometimes I do, but I just make sure they like me first and feel chill and comfortable around me. Then I hit them with the I was a boy first thing while playing it off as minor. I found out if I make it a big deal they freak out but if I'm cool about it they tend to be cool as well . Like one guy told me," wew... I thought you were going to say you have the clap or HIV," my response. No way I'm probably the cleanest girl you dated since junior high. We both laughed

[JennX]

What type of reaction do you get from men you're dating when you tell them that you were born male and when in the relationship do you tell them? I feel like the best time would be once the relationships starts getting serious but a lot of time, you've already had sex by that point. What if I tell a boyfriend and he reacts badly and feels like I took advantage of him? If I get the feeling he definitely would not be okay with it, I would likely just break it off with him but what if I misjudge someone. I'm afraid I'll tell a guy who I thought would be okay with it and then he ends up flying into a rage and beating me up or worse. Am I worrying for nothing or is this a rational fear? How can I tell what type of guy will accept me or at least not react in a violent manner?

I assume this is in reference to dating as a prop MTF...

I never would tell guys until the third date. Period. Zero exceptions. Never upfront. Now if you don't pass very well, or you re still perfecting your voice, you may have to.

When I did tell a guy "I was not born a biological female"... 70% would stick around... 30% wold disappear to never be heard from again. However before I made the decision to tell a guy about my past, I would make sure I thought they were worthy and there was a potential future. You might consider discussing things like politics, religion, their stance on abortion, same sex marriage, how would they react if one of their family members came out as trans, what do they think about gay/lesbian adoption, their thoughts on gay/trans people currently serving in the military, their opinion of gay/trans people competing in major league sports etc. Such topics are benign, common place topics of general discussion that will give you a peek in to the prospective partners thoughts, feelings, beliefs, ethics, and ideals. If they pass all of my tests... I would usually tell them during lunch in a large public restaurant with plenty of people around. Not while we are alone parked in his car in a dark alley at midnight. Picking the right, open-minded, unbiased, non-judgmental sort of guy in the first place is key. If they have a negative opinion on any of the topics I mentioned earlier, I quickly move on.

If someone reacts badly or feels you lied or deceived them in any way... That's their issue not yours. If they thought you were trans, they should've asked. Or they should've have made it clear up-front that they were only looking for a cis-only-gender partner. You don't need to apologize for being trans.

Most guys that did stick around after I told them could've really cared less. To men, if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, and f@$cks like a duck... It's a duck.

Now since I'm postop... I'll most likely only disclose if marriage talk is on the table. Otherwise, I'm just another girl in the world. 

[A]

Just one thing. "Testing" someone by talking about anything trans is pretty risky. Because contrary to homosexuality, pretty much no one talks about transsexualism, unless prompted to by a direct event (like seeing one who sadly passes zero, or hearing of that kid in high school having such trouble with people nagging them, etc.) When you bring it up, I think a good proportion of people will get "suspicious" right away.

[JennX]

Just one thing. "Testing" someone by talking about anything trans is pretty risky. Because contrary to homosexuality, pretty much no one talks about transsexualism, unless prompted to by a direct event (like seeing one who sadly passes zero, or hearing of that kid in high school having such trouble with people nagging them, etc.) When you bring it up, I think a good proportion of people will get "suspicious" right away.

If you don't pass or have issues discussing the topic, yes people will pick up on it. Same as being confident and sure in your presentation. And when dating, if you don't know what you want, don't expect to find it by luck.

But when something like: http://now.msn.com/kristin-beck-transgender-navy-seal-announces-she-is-a-woman

Is in national news, it is easy to bring up. There are a bunch of other examples I could name. How about asking them if they are a fan of the Matrix movies... Ever hear what one of the brothers that wrote it did? See... Not the that hard... And you don't have to out yourself in the process. Now if every other word out of your mouth is trans-this or trans-that... Yes... That would be a red flag. You have to pick your moments. Like in life.

[A]

To be honest the last news about transsexualism I've seen was a month ago, and it was something local. It would've been very awkward to mention it because it was a very ordinary, "who cares?" story: "A macho becomes a woman." Dunno how they're called in English... "fait divers". I may be wrong but mentioning that kind of news is pretty much equivalent to mentioning some theft, fire or murder from the newspaper: desperately trying to find a topic of conversation. It's pretty awkward, unless you're an old man in his usual café discussing the news with his kind like every morning.

People (or at least those I know) don't really care for American stars much, and their life doesn't exactly make the headlines. Apart in some not-so-serious magazines... that aren't really read by people my age, as far as I know. oo'

[Magnolia88]

Thanks for all the responses. YOu answered pretty much all of my questions. I feel a lot better about dealing with this issue now when the time comes. Please keep discussing though. I'd love to hear more.

[Joanna Dark]

I am lucky i met a guy the other day, told him im trans, and we still hung out for like 24 hours. And he texts me so it wasnt a on off. I was So happy when i got his text. I havent felt like this all giddy and stuff since 2008.

It so awesome i was just taking pictures and he started flirting and next thing i know my panties are on the floor lol jk we just hit it off. Usually i shew men away but he is really hot!