Hi all, I need your help. A lot of it if you can spare it. I am losing myself and I don't know what to do. When I was younger, I used to want to be a girl. I am about the only male in my family for some reason so I was always the odd one out. I used to pray that God would make me a girl like my sisters and cousins. However, I quickly grew out of that and developed into a normal masculine boy. I played sports, had girlfriends, the works. I loved my life and loved being a guy. But something changed once I started college. The feelings of wanting to be a girl started to return. Where I used to look at girls and wanting them sexually, I more and more started looking at girls and wanting to be them. I just pushed all of those thoughts out of my head and chalked it up to me not having a girlfriend for so long and needing to get laid. However, I started on a downward slope of depression that has now turned into anxiety. Now things have just gotten out of hand. I've started to have these different dreams. Some can be that I am a girl living her life doing things like going shopping or whatever. Then there are the dreams that are me in various stages of me becoming a girl. Then there are the dreams that scare me the most. This is where it gets NSFW, btw. I dream that I am a woman who is in a relationship with my best friend, and they are dreams where we make love with me as the women and my best friend as my boyfriend/husband. A lot of these dreams end up being "wet". Before these dreams started I had only had one wet dream before and that was when I first started puberty. But these dreams keep triggering panic attacks and I haven't been able to hang out with my best friend since they started. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye. And the worst part is that if I start thinking about the dreams during the day, I start to get turned on. I don't understand it because I'm not attracted to guys nor have I ever been. I can't get a girlfriend because I am finding myself becoming more and more misogynistic the longer this goes on. I just want all of this to go away so that I can go back to loving my life and being one of the guys. Because as it stands right now, I have trouble sleeping and when I do I hope I wont wake up and have to face another day of this.
Can any of you help me? How do I get rid of this? I am sorry that this reads so poorly. It is taking all of my strength to type this because I am on the verge of a panic attack right now.
