The Problematic Intensity of the Female Libido

[NJade]

Pardon me for this post...I had to write about it somewhere...this seemed as good a place as any.

Over the last six months or so, there have been these moments where my desire for some kind of stimulation overtakes me, leaves me breathless and horny beyond measure. It is unlike anything I ever felt before, just this overwhelming need that hits me and sometimes persists for what seems like an hour before it subsides. A physical wave that spreads over my entire body and, should I be lucky enough to be alone and able to...take care of things, the pleasure is like none other. But those times are rare. I'm almost always around people in some capacity and I have to use little mantras to "calm" down.

The worst part is that I am married to a straight woman who, while the love of my life and best friend, has no sexual interest in me and there are times when I consider finding a willing body, male or female, to meet my needs...and those thoughts leave me feeling guilty.

Frustrating desire is frustrating.

[Shantel]

I don't see anything wrong with that, in fact I can relate. I'm assuming you are MtF, let me know if my assuming is making an ass of me. Next are pre or post-op? On HRT? Have you been like this all along or is this a recent development? let's qualify this and figure out why you are such a smokin hottie.

[NJade]

Hi Shantel...no longer Mt...just F (which should answer the rest...plus this is the post-op forum  )

It's really just been the last six months or so...started about three months after post-surgical things became...ahem..functional.

It's not that having a female libido is a bad thing. It's just the situational irony of being a bisexual trans woman married to a straight woman. The desire is all one-sided, sadly.

[Shantel]

Hi Shantel...no longer Mt...just F (which should answer the rest...plus this is the post-op forum  )

It's really just been the last six months or so...started about three months after post-surgical things became...ahem..functional.

It's not that having a female libido is a bad thing. It's just the situational irony of being a bisexual trans woman married to a straight woman. The desire is all one-sided, sadly.

Ok I admit I'm an ass you caught me Duh! Aside from that I still relate though I don't have a vagina, I have a cis spouse who still loves sex even though I no longer have any manly features, we manage and I enjoy the intensity of it. If you can't reenergize your spouse and get her fire lit you will have to find someone special to take care of that itch, because auto-erotica has it limitations, I do it, but it's never as satisfying. If your spouse is no longer interested it could be that she needs a small amount of testosterone to increase her libido as well. We both do that here at this end and wonder why the hell we didn't know about this earlier.

[Tristan]

Yup. I agree. When your post op sometimes you just get in the mood. And have to do something about it

[Erik Ezrin]

You know... I'm a female biologically, and not on hormones, so those cannot have changed anything, and I have NEVER experienced anything like you describe
Now I'm getting curious if ciswomen get that too! And whether I haven't felt like that might have something to do with me being uncomfortable in my body, and thus not really being 'up to' sex and such 99% of the time.

[Shantel]

You know... I'm a female biologically, and not on hormones, so those cannot have changed anything, and I have NEVER experienced anything like you describe
Now I'm getting curious if ciswomen get that too! And whether I haven't felt like that might have something to do with me being uncomfortable in my body, and thus not really being 'up to' sex and such 99% of the time.

Erik,
   Generally genetic females get low libido when their T level becomes sub par, although attitude plays into it as well. Ovaries not only produce female hormones but small amounts of T also as does the adrenal gland. Usually women in peri to post menopausal ranges will be given a small amount of T with their HRT regimen when they complain to their OBGYN about low libido. My spouse is 66 and went from libido flatline to a complete hottie after having a little T boost.

[Northern Jane]

I had SRS at 24 and my libido was through the roof! It had a LOT to do with feeling good about myself and having been sexually repressed up to that point. I was also a virgin and didn't know how good sex could be until my first time.

My libido settled down to average (or a little above) when I married at 30 and began to tank as the relationship began to deteriorate 10 years later. From divorce at age 43 into my late 50s, my libido was nonexistent but came back with a vengeance in my late 50s. Ever since then it has been "a minor problem" and I have considered dating 30-something guys who can keep up! 

[Shantel]

I have considered dating 30-something guys who can keep up! 

Good for you Jane, what a hottie you are huh? Maybe you should change it to "Cougar Jane?" 

[calico]

I can relate to this thread especially as of late, since about 2 weeks ago maybe 3 I have been getting so urges that umm well... I want to do bad things to buy's or maybe nice thing's  lol I get the wrong thought in my head and I swear if there was some willing non questioning fella, .... yup I think everyone gets the idea,.. IDK they say t makes you get more libido (desire/urge/horny) but I think its reverse for me , because before E my sex drive was non-existent than after .... woah

[Megan Rose]

Hi Tasha,

I think I'm just starting to feel what you're talking about.  3-months postop and dilating is ever so stimulating.  And there are those times at work when I have to cross my legs and hold my breath.  It's not lasting hours, more like a few seconds, however.

And, my mate and I have the same relationship - she's straight and I'm female-attracted.  For reasons unrelated to being trans, our sex life stopped some years back. Instead, we have practiced intimacy without sex, and that hasn't changed since my transition.  But, since I've started having fun with my new body, my mate has become interested in sex again too. 

Our solution is sex-toys.  At the moment, we haven't actually acted on the idea, however - they're not cheap.  But, I do foresee this happening soon - both of us able to pleasure ourselves together, and to experiment beyond that point. 

I don't know if your mate is open to experimentation or not.  I think for us, we will be able to find a way to enjoy each other's company in sexual pleasure without making sexual attraction an issue at the same time.