So it's been a couple of weeks since I finally came out to a select few friends and family. The populace in general, and the people who frequent my store are still pretty in the dark. I haven't told my father's side of the family yet, but I'm pretty sure the reaction will mostly just be somewhat good natured ribbing, and life will go on. And I'll let my customers figure it out as I transition.
I told my sister last week, and she told my mother. My mother hasn't been doing well, cancer I believe. (we don't talk anymore.) And the last thing I got was a "why would you do this to me right now?" from her. And then shortly after, she basically becomes a vegetable. She gets placed in a 24 hour care facility, and is completely unresponsive to everything and everyone around her I'm told. The doctors think she's going very very soon.
And I feel, no matter how irrational it might be, that I did this to her. I don't have a lot of warm feelings for her. and I'm not even all that bothered that she has been dying for months now, but it sucks to see she took her worst turn after I came out. And I find myself feeling kind of guilty about it. I know it's cold, but I wrote her off years ago, but I don't want to be responsible for worsening her health either. (and rationally, I'm sure I didn't do anything to make that happen.)
I just kind of feel the need to vent.
