coming out at work

[ChrisRokk]

I am fortunate to work at a company that has gender identity protection, and I work at night so I do not deal with customers.  I am also fortunate that my boss is a really great guy.  I plan on telling him about my transition by next week, since I am probably only about a month away from starting on testosterone, and  I just want to let him know what's up.  I am not worried about him at all.  However, some of my other supervisors I predict may not be so supportive.   Hopefully they will prove me wrong.

Does anyone have any tips on how they transitioned at work or how they dealt with people at the workplace who weren't so trans-friendly?

[ford]

Hey,

I just came out to my HR and supervisor for a new job I haven't even officially starting working in yet. They have promised to do their best in making a safe and respectful environment for transition - both for me and my coworkers.

You say your company has gender identity protection, so I would start by going through HR or something similar, and then they can deal with your supervisors. That way your supervisors can be educated on how to manage a transitioning employee properly, and you don't have to try to educate them yourself. I mean ultimately it doesn't matter if they are 'supportive.' They just need to follow company policy and treat you with respect.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[Simon]

I worked at a diner as a grill cook and waiter for about 7 years. I wasn't on T at the time but passed a good 75% of the time because of hormone issues and I lived full time. I never did officially come out. There were a few occasions that a coworker had approached me privately and asked. Depending on how well I knew the person I would discuss it. If I didn't like the person or thought they had a blabber mouth I'd tell them that my medical history was none of their business.

I did have issues with customers (and that sucks because you can't go back at them most of the time). Luckily you said you won't have to deal with that. That is FAR worse than coworkers.

I think it should be up to the individual if they want to come out at work or not, especially in the beginning. After you start T there's a few month sorta "grace period" where not much is happening physically. That way you do have time. If I were you I'd talk to the head honcho and get him on board. If the chief approves the indians have to follow suit. He will probably have suggestions on how you should go about this to make everyone as comfortable as possible, good luck.

[ChrisRokk]

Thanks for your response, ford!  That's great that your workplace already has a plan for you and your coworkers.  The place I work at does not have HR directly in the building.  It's a chain store.  Regional HR is around here somewhere, but I would have to call them.  It seemed unnecessary to do that in this particular case (although I would have if I still worked at my last job and had HR in the building); really the only reason I would consider calling regional HR is if I had some kind of harassment that could not be resolved at the store level.  Nothing much really needs to be changed at my job to deal with my transition.  I am only telling them to keep them from being confused when it looks like I am going through puberty at an abnormally old age.

I guess "supportive" is the wrong word.  Really I just want people to remain professional and keep work strictly work.  But I have one supervisor who tends to allow her personal non-work-related opinions slip out on occasion about all kinds of subjects.  I am just hoping I don't end up having issues with her.

That being said, this is just a night job I have to get myself through grad school, so I shouldn't overthink this too much.  I am probably worrying over nothing, anyway.

Also, thanks, Simon.  That was very helpful.  I will tell my boss ASAP, and hopefully everything should work out ok by the end of my "grace period".

[sneakersjay]

I waited until I was on T for several months before coming out, even though I changed my hair and wardrobe prior to that.  I do deal with customers somewhat (though it is rare for repeat customers in my line of work) so I waited so there wouldn't be confusion on the customer's parts.  I also wasn't very comfortable asking people to change name and pronouns until it was legal.  I didn't make that legal until I was several months on T and starting to pass.  Once it was all legal I came out.  My employer is a mess (understatement) but it was a non-issue.  I came out to one of the many managers as there is no formal HR.  Non issue. 

Good luck!

[Big Stitch]

When I came out it was a complete fiasco lol. I work for a company where most of the employees are seasonal. I came out while 98% of the people who i would typically have contact with were still not hired back on. I came out to the managers first during a meeting and most people didn't flinch. There were a few questions that were very personal afterward but hey I prefer they ask. For the other people coming back to work they found out by word of mouth or id say something when I ran into them. Still it was a drastic change to have to relearn get gender/name after knowing me for years. There was a good while while everything got mixed up being called one name-having my company email say another, some people getting it right, some people not even trying which was especially interesting when clients would call me sir and then someone would walk up toe and mis gender me lol.

You need to prepare yourself because there are going to be the awkward questions. Having to correct people about the name/gender. Have a plan for what's most important name/pronouns or both.  I started off easy on correcting people. The right name was a must and I let the proper pronouns slide with minimal correction for about a month. Most people tried and it was easy to see who wasn't. For the people that don't try be prepared to pull them aside and correct them and let them know if this isn't an option of how to address you. The more comfortable you are with yourself and the situation everyone else will follow suit I think.

It will go smoother than you think likely.

[ChrisRokk]

Thanks for the input, Big Stitch!  I don't work with customers and never send e-mail at this job (it's just a labor job, not office).  Plus I've only been there for a few months.  I am sorry you had to deal with that kind of awkwardness.

UPDATE: My boss is VERY supportive, as I suspected he would be.  He is checking with HR to see if there is anything he needs to do.  So yeah, you guys were all correct.  It was very smooth and a non-issue.  I was panicking over nothing.