relationship advice needed please

[Elanore joey]

iv fallen for a beautiful 19 year old girl who is straight (not bi or lesbian) what should i do tell her that i am kinda female or not tell her at the moment after all it will come out when she wants to make love and i cant
shes the type of person that would make my transition a million times easier than if i was just on my own im just scared of telling her in case i lose her
i feel sorry for her as she just thinks im an average guy
and then the problem i promised her mum i wouldn't hurt her and to be honest her mum ok is a nice person but is very scary when she needs to be

[Christine167]

Then you just need to be her friend. From what you are saying its just too complicated to expect it to workout without hurting someone. And odds are both of you would be hurt.

[Cassandra Hyacinth]

My personal advice would be to steer clear of a relationship. It doesn't sound like it's worth it IMO.

[emisilva]

If she'd make your transition easier, then you have to tell her. Otherwise, she won't be able to help. Perhaps that's the most important thing right now. For now, she can be your friend who helps you transition. But in the future, that could become a relationship

[Elanore joey]

i could'nt  be just friends with her cuz id always want more
and as for steering clear of a relationship, i dont feel i could as i dont have any friends and dont feel i could carry on without a relationship
should i just give up on my wishes and just say this is how i was born and learn to live the way i am

[Cassandra Hyacinth]

i could'nt  be just friends with her cuz id always want more
and as for steering clear of a relationship, i dont feel i could as i dont have any friends and dont feel i could carry on without a relationship
should i just give up on my wishes and just say this is how i was born and learn to live the way i am

Definitely don't do the bolded - you wouldn't be able to 'live the way you are' if you ignore it and hope it'll go away.

I reckon the best thing to do would be to tell her about your situation (this does, of course, lead to the small risk that she could out you...), and go from there.

Without knowing anything else about your circumstances, it's hard to give more detailed advice than that.

[Elanore joey]

Do you mean out me as in telling every1 in trans or out me as in not be with me cuz I don't know which 1 is worse I suppose the first aint that bad I'd know wat to expect as iv been through similar but this time I don't give a sh-t and she's not thr kinda person to do that

As for the second one I just don't know

I just don't know what to it feels like everytime I find a solution to something in my life that is screwed up someone just wants to take a ->-bleeped-<- on me

[Cassandra Hyacinth]

The former.

If you're prepared for the possibility that that might happen (hopefully she'd respect your privacy), then definitely confront her directly about it. Because really, if you can't do that now, there's zero chance of a successful relationship in the future.

[janellebell]

I would honestly stay clear of the relationship.
I was with a straight cis girl for almost 2 years and once I told her I was transitioning well it all went down hill and we both ended up getting hurt.
I've also tried to pursue other "straight" cis girls to no avail, but that doesn't mean it won't work for you.
I just think in general its very hard to "convince" a straight cis girl unless you've already previously been in a relationship and she loves you already and doesn't mind.

If you are both young I feel like the complications would be even harder, and if you have a good friendship with her and want to keep it that way then seriously think about how she feels and if she's shown any signs of actual interest in you

[Ltl89]

I'm really sorry to say this, but if you are dead set on transitioning, a relationship will be tough.  You can tell her that you are planning on transitioning, but it's likely to make things difficult if you aren't already in a serious relationship.  And if transitioning is neccessary for your happiness, you can't give it up to please someone else.  I'm sure you have noticed all the married individuals on this site who once thought that was possible as well.  If you really want a relationship, please tell her.  Otherwise, you may have to settle for a friendship.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I'm sure you would like to have her in your life given that she is special to you.  As someone who likes men, I've had to settle for friendships with guys I really liked.  It's tough, but sometimes people are too awesome to throw away just because they don't share your romantic feelings. 

Again, I'm sorry that you are in this situation.  I really hope you find some decent solution to this all.