Dealing with that voice

[Lesley_Roberta]

Just want to clarify some terms.

My sister complains about her weight. she's nuts. I don't consider 20 pounds 'fat'.

I am 100 pounds past what I was at 25, I want that back if possible. I'll accept at least 50 pounds closer.

If you are like a friend of mine, and 200 pounds past acceptable ie he is actually 250 pounds what he should be, that isn't 'fat' that is incredibly obese.

Is it possible to be happy and this big? Why not?

But consider this, will you gladly die happy and 250 pounds past what you should be, at 60 years old? Would you prefer to die thinner, and 85 years old. Maybe I should ask you on your 59th birthday

Yes we know, society worships tooth picks. I don't want to be a tooth pick. I don't want to be that stupid. I want to look like I eat regularly.

But it is fact, heart disease kills plenty of North Americans for a reason. Too many of us simply refuse to care about what we eat and how much, and our computer/gaming console technology has not helped. It makes the socially awkward able to hide easier, but it also keeps kids indoors too.

I miss riding my bike to the nearby city a 30 mile distance twice ie 60 miles, on a sunny day, for no real reason other than to eat sandwiches and a drink part way there by the road side and enjoying the ride. Today the only thing keeping me, is disability. Now I can barely ride my bike 5 blocks without wrecking myself. I go for long slow walks because slow is all I have

When I say 'fat' I am just using the easiest word. Frankly, I am not really worthy of that term in relation to most people I see most days. I have no 'fat' on my arms or my legs. It's all on the middle. Am I happy being this weight? Well I am mainly annoyed at what it does to skirt sizes really. I don't think my life span is in danger.

My wife though, hers WAS in danger. It's a cruel truth, big kills you early. It's not hype, hype is saying you need to be a tooth pick.

I'm used to thumbing my nose at a lot of what society expects us to cave in to though.
Religion, yes you know precisely what I am saying there.

There's nothing conformist about anything to do with me.

I want to die from being very very very old. I don't want to be checking out at 60 because I refused to look after myself. Especially as that is only 8 years and some months from now.

We don't need special weight loss menus, we need restraint. Wake, eat something intelligent, and made in your home, not from a fast food store, lunch is something logical made at home and taken with you not ordered at a fast food store. Dinner is something logical and modest in size, as it is the end of the day, so a big meal is stupid at this hour.

If you eat out of a can or from a fast food store, you are doing it wrong.
If you use a car for anything under 5 blocks, you are doing it wrong.

But hey, if you are ok dying at 60 chubby and smiling that is your choice to make

Remember, if you are 10 pounds past your deal, you are over weight. Anything past your ideal is OVER.
Fat is a word I reserve for long past your ideal. Fat means you are no longer merely 'over weight' you are pushing your system too hard.
If you think being fat is not life threatening, well I have proof you are wrong. Yes proof, it's not hype.

The most important reason for losing weight though, needs to be the right one. Do it for your health, not to fit into clothing.
Do it to be around when it's your 80th birthday, not to be 'popular'.

[Kade1985]

You know Lesley... My grandmother is a bigger lady. She is in her 80's. She is far from skinny, and not at an "ideal" weight. Being over weight doesn't kill you. It's being over weight and inactive, while eating two large pizzas to yourself and watching TV and drinking a huge bottle of soda that kills you. Some people can not help being over weight. Lets take my ex gf for example. Bigger girl, but very active, eats healthy and has tried many ways to lose weight. Nothing works for her. Sometimes it's just how your body is, and it cannot be helped.

With that said she is 29 years old, and a pretty damned healthy woman. She is a hardy person in general. Trying to say being over weight and dying at age 60 is crock. I know better. I have seem over weight people in their 70's and 80's and are just fine. Perhaps not moving as well as others, but still alive and, for the most part, healthy.

[RandomWalk]

Well, an update here despite the thread having a whiff of necrophilia about it.

I got hormones today!

In other news, I came out to my boss's boss's boss's boss at work, and then I worked my way down the command chain. Now if a coworker sees me on the street (as happened yesterday) it will not end my career.

Both of these things have helped with that old cranky voice in my head, plus boyfailing a British army installation last weekend. Nothing helps like success.

[Christine167]

Well, an update here despite the thread having a whiff of necrophilia about it.

I got hormones today!

In other news, I came out to my boss's boss's boss's boss at work, and then I worked my way down the command chain. Now if a coworker sees me on the street (as happened yesterday) it will not end my career.

Both of these things have helped with that old cranky voice in my head, plus boyfailing a British army installation last weekend. Nothing helps like success.

Nice Segway!

[E-Brennan]

I hear "the voice" too - constantly screaming in my ears, sometimes turning into "the foot" that kicks me in the backside and tells me to get a grip.

Here's what I find helps.  It's kinda cruel perhaps, but it helps sometimes.

When I'm out in public, I look at other women - all of them, not just the pretty ones with the nice figures and long hair and cute shoes and flowing movement. I make a point of looking at the women most people just see through - those who are older, out-of-shape, frazzled, stressed, plain, frumpy, those without makeup or styled hair, those who just threw on whatever was clean that morning.  And I say to myself, "Hmmmm, at least I could be invisible."

Ask yourself this - is your goal to be noticed, or is your goal to be unnoticeable?  I know that I'll never, ever, ever be that pretty girl who attracts attention, but I would be so happy to be a female who nobody even looks twice at.

I hope that doesn't get me blacklisted here - sorry if I caused any offense. Deep down, I'm always thinking that I would exchange everything in an instant to be even one of those invisible women.  I don't need to be pretty - just female.

[Christine167]

That "voice" used to be more frequent. Now I find it faltering and weak. I stead I look at women and see what I want to be. I look at men and think about why I continue to live like this.

I want... Need change. I have discovered that I do love myself but I have been lying to myself about this whole thing for a very long time. That puzzle keeps coming together and as it does so the voice becomes more and mo irrelevant.

I used to wear a plain black Tshirt to local concerts. It was my mother's. Until last week I had hide from myself that in fact I have been secretly cross dressing for years. It made me feel calm as if I could be femme and no one would know. Except a girl friend did notice once. The Tshirt being a girls shirt that is. The sizing on the tag gave it away.

So I don't know about the others here but as I go along on this journey the voice gets quieter, I get bolder, and I feel like telling the voice to shut the h@$& up. 

[E-Brennan]

Something else that's started to help me is to see how ridiculous the "other" voice is - the one telling me how cool it is to be a big man and do manly things and be this bearded dominator who swigs beer and drives fast cars and works out and has "bros" and oogles women and high-fives other guys and watches football and can't look after a baby and is interested in lawncare products.  The caricature of a modern man is pathetic and mindless, and given a choice between the two, I'd rather be a poor example of a woman rather than a good example of that kind of man.

If only we lived in a society that was not so binary about everything (politics, gender etc.)

[Liam]

I'm five feet three, big eyes and lips, chubby cheeks, big chest, small waist and wide hips. I don't think I'll ever look male.

[Elle16]

I regularly have "that voice" whispering to me most days - it's getting weaker but I still find it creeping back in every once and a while. My height is my issue, I'm 6'3 or something... my face looks ok with make-up, my hair will grow out and I have very femanine hands & mannerisms - but I'm still 6'3!

I feel I'm at a stage where I know there's nothing I can do about it, wear flats and maybe crouch down slightly... lol! But well that's just me, I'll have to accept that and the sooner I do the easier it'll become.

Finding time to work on my famiine voice is another thing, I'm often going in and out at the moment and it's alittle distracting. Yesterday I was in the doctor's surgery, presenting male and I said my name to reception girl... I felt like the sentance came out as a girl and I was pleasently happy. But on other days it slips back and I'm worried I won't ever get it right... got to keep practicing, more!

[Kaelin]

I hear that transitioning to androgyne (physically) would help give my body a little more shape.  But I also hear that anything resembling boobs would be a bother when I'm walking, running, swimming, jumping, or sleeping.

I also have little clue what a healthy body weight is for me.  My BMI comes in at 24.1 (healthy range being 18-25), but I've had some people comment I'm not looking well when I was down to 22.7 especially when I was down around 21.4.  I mean, what?  Of course BMI is kind of a dumb measure, because it doesn't account for bone structure or someone having muscle instead of fat (with muscle actually weighing more, thus contributing to a higher BMI than the same volume of fat).  Of course that's a good deal of why BMI seems like a joke, but it's still there.