This is going to be a long post but please bear with me, it is an important question because I am trying to decide whether to move or not, and whether to try and maintain stealth or not.
MOVING
I began my transition over a year ago and moved away from my hometown to a place where people did not know me. I cut off contact with all but a few close friends and my family, though I did end up posting some photos of myself on facebook, and when I left my previous job I had come out to my coworkers because I wanted to be able to get transferred within the company to a new location, which meant my managers etc needed to know to use the correct name and pronouns when referring to me so I could be stealth at my new job, which was successful.
I do pass, though I look like a very young skater boy. I have trouble with my voice over the phone but that's normal for cismen in my family as well. I always get addressed as male by people seeing me in person. My family stayed in contact with me and is very accepting, and I still have friends from before I transitioned.
I recently moved back to my hometown due to life circumstances and thought it had been long enough because I was passing now. I am happy (currently) and nothing bad has happened so far. I live in an area with a good number of openly gay and lesbian people, but there are still some people who are prejudice, though it's not a brutal place like some areas in the south.
RUMORS
I have a unique look as well as identifying tattoos. Apparently some people are recognizing me, some are not, and some are unsure. One of my friends recently told me that there are some rumors going around that I am back and have had a sex change. He says it's nothing malicious or at least he did not hear people saying mean things, just saying that without being aggressive. He isn't a very close friend, just an acquaintance I have known for a long time, but I believe he's being honest about what he heard. He was very positive, saying that I look good and this is 'different' but he was curious about how long I had wanted to do that and wanted to know if I was doing well, etc. He was very friendly, in fact he was less awkward about it than I was, I think! My best friend's mother and cousin are even more cool and supportive! It's very nice.
As a teenager there were a lot of rumors spread about me though, different things which were very malicious and negative and hurt me deeply. I wonder whether part of that was my age (this mostly ended during school, with only one person really holding out when I was about 19-20, and I am now 22) and people are maybe getting more mature, or possibly whether females really do tend to 'compete' socially through gossip and bonding with other females, getting social rank, and perhaps leave me alone now more that I am in the male category.
This may or may not be true, I just read somewhere that females and males tend to compete more within their groups and not so much against one another, and that women are more prone to depend on social BONDS and therefore to talk and share secrets or gossip which promotes them for being a friend to the listener and can have negative consequences to the subject of the talk, depending on the goals and news. The same thing said guys compete more directly for social STATUS through winning at sports, debates, fighting, even insults but they are directing it AT the person to their face, not behind their back.
I do find that I am granted a lot of respect at work and it is generally assumed I know what I am doing, I have been offered many management positions, indeed girls do not cause any problems with me and talk to me less in general and guys do rib on me during conversation sometimes. I've also gotten more extraverted and a lot more confident.
THE QUESTION
I feel physically safe from harm, with no fear of property damage although the possibility lingers in my mind but only one thing was ever defaced and that was a door someone wrote on, years before over a different matter. My only real concern is the things that people will say. I have friends here, family here, etc. I do not want drama and would like a home where I can feel as little stress and as much acceptance as possible.
I don't know if I should stay here and just not tell people, but be honest if they ask because some will hear about it anyway, or if I should try to move away to a place where I will not be recognized. This isn't something I had to think about before...
Especially considering the fact that I like to be able to go out on dates, etc... whether I do that or not, however, there will still be things said. First of all is the fact that people will just mention it even if they aren't being malicious. Another is that I don't typically use a packer and I hear GUYS talking about checking out each other's packages, so I am sure they can sometimes notice the fact that I don't have a lot of junk in that trunk...
