Me and my boyfriend.

[Nagysa]

Hi every one,

After a long discussion with my BF, I finally choose coming here to have your point of view about my story. I'm a spanish girl, in advance, sorry for my english. 

My BF and I have a beautiful relationship for 3 years.  Since the beginning, I know he likes dress and make up as a girl, sometimes with me, and I like it.
But now, he does not know what he really wants and needs to be happy. I see that my BF would like to be a girl, but, he's afraid to be a transgirl, to face up to his parents, to his friends, to his job, etc.
Sometimes, he's thinking about having more female characteristics, and taking low dose of hormone which could be a solution, sometimes not. What's more, he doesn't know if, by doing this, he will be sattisfy and glad.

I admit I'm afraid of this kind of medecine. A lot a people speak badly about taking hormone pills.
Moreover, I'm hetero. I truly don't know if I will like to be with a girl, to "play with" a girl. I blame myself to see that maybe be I will not support this. Maybe I will... Who knows !

Despite everything, we love each other. And we don't want to break up. As he doesn't really know what he wants, I deeply admit I would prefer he stays with his man body, but keeps dressing as a woman as often as he hopes.

I don't want to prevent himself of dress as a woman, by asking him to act only as a guy, but, during ours moments of "lesbian time", he always wants more. And his thoughts and nervous breakdowns about changing his body come back.

I'm truly in love with him. And I really want to help him. I don't know how.
But now, my mind is messy, I fell lost inside myself.

Thank you for having reading me, and for your help/advice.

[spacial]

Thank you for your introduction in your excellent English.

There is a lot of advice, help, information and support here.

Please know that others have experienced similar problems to you and your BF.

[Nagysa]

Thank you for your introduction in your excellent English.
There is a lot of advice, help, information and support here.
Please know that others have experienced similar problems to you and your BF.

Thank you 
At the beginning, I though I was "only" in this case. But read all of these topics, help me a lot.

What scares me the most is that in many situations similar to mine, people broke up... 

[spacial]

Thank you 
At the beginning, I though I was "only" in this case. But read all of these topics, help me a lot.

What scares me the most is that in many situations similar to mine, people broke up... 

Feeling alone as if we are the only ones is something everyone here can share.

Some relationships do end, but they do so because they were based upon falsehood to begin with.

Yours is open from the start. Relax. You and your BF can find your through this so you can find where you need to be.

[Nagysa]

People often cannot gain something without losing something else, especially with such a big life-changing thing. All I can say is that I hope things work out as good as possible for the both of you.

I hope too. And all these researches I have done are for the only purpose of finding a solution that satisfy us both.

Since my BF doesn't really know what he wants, I'm wondering if it is possible to teach him how to be happy like that : a boy who can dress up as girl when he would like.

Yours is open from the start. Relax. You and your BF can find your through this so you can find where you need to be.

You're right. From the beginning, we used to talk about everything. I'm so glad to share everything with him. I don't want to lose that.

I often admit mind is more significant than body, but I can't stop thinking become lesbian instead of hetero is not an easy thing...

[blueconstancy]

*hugs* (I know Spanish, btw; I'm not very good at speaking it, but my reading comprehension is about 90% and I sometimes work as [more or less] a translator, if there's something you'd rather express that way.)

First of all, I'm married to a trans woman and we're still together after transition and still very happy. It is NOT true that a couple must break up. That's up to the two of you, but so long as you both want to stay together and work on it, keeping the relationship is possible.

Secondly, and I'm serious, don't worry about "becoming a lesbian." I know several heterosexual women who are still happily married to trans women. They just say that their sexual orientation "made an exception" or that they don't like labels. You can be a straight woman who chooses to stay with *this particular* person, not a lesbian. (It's hard to accept that society will perceive you as a lesbian, yes. But that's something you can deal with, if you choose. It's been hard for me too - I'm bisexual, so it's frustrating that no matter which gender people thought my partner was, they still got my orientation wrong by assuming that I was either straight or gay!)

Lastly, for now, as hard as this is, try not to worry too much about the future. Focus on supporting him* right now, and as each new step happens, you can concentrate on coping with that. For now, it sounds like he's not even sure what he wants, so panicking about what might happen will just make you miserable. It sounds like he might be better off with a therapist, too, for someone who can help him figure out what he does want and where he's going. (As for low dose hormones, be careful; my wife has been doing that all along and she's seen fantastic results in terms of physical changes. I'm not saying bad things about hormones - lots and lots of trans people take them and are very happy and safe - but only that it may not be "subtle" changes.)

Please let me know if anything I've said is confusing; I tried to avoid using too much idiomatic English, but it's hard.

Feel free to ask me anything you want. And good luck.


*I'm saying "him" because we don't know whether transition is likely yet.

[Nagysa]

Thank you for your hug blueconstancy ! It does me good, and everything we've said was intelligible.

Maybe I could deal with being lesbian, if I choose. But, as for you, it will be hard, in particular because I'm not bisexual (except with my BF often enough  ). I admit I like be a heterosexual girl.

I also thought about consulting a therapist. It's a pity that prices are so expensive, and we are not even sure to find a good one. It's a food for thought.